Kegels: The Exercise That Keeps On Giving

I don't really like exercise. I miss the days when I participated in sports because back then all my exercise was tied up in playing a game, not standing in a mirrored room comparing my body to a bunch of other women's. I've tried the workout classes and the weight circuit but after years of starting and stopping, I have now come to depend on the three forms of exercise that I remain committed to: Yoga, Walking and Kegels. These three activities are like the lover you can't ever walk away from--you try but ultimately you find yourself back in the mix--and happy you are.

Lest you think I've forgotten that September is all about sex, I haven't. I'm writing about exercise because I've found the aforementioned crucial to maintaining a great sex life. Let me break it down.

Yoga: It's all about stress reduction and keeping your body flexible. A clear mind and a limber body--two clear assets for having having great sex. What lover doesn't get jazzed over the idea that you can wrap your legs clear around his head or have a willing mind and capable body to try a few poses from the Kama Sutra?

Walking: Cardio. Healthy heart and fit body--two more must haves for a hot sex life. While quickies are great fun, they should only be the exception, not the norm because your don't have the stamina to go the lusty distance.

Kegels: Yes, I'm talking about the so-you-don't-pee-on-yourself pelvic exercises. Kegels are part of my exercise trinity. But the well-kept secret about this magic little exercise goes well beyond not embarrassing yourself every time you sneeze. See the Kegel is the exercise that keeps on giving in ways that make your body smile like no amount of sweatin' to the oldies ever can. And like yoga and walking you really don't need any special equipment or clothing. In fact, while doing Kegels (and in some yoga classes) clothing is purely optional.

Kegels are what you do when you're trying to strengthen you love muscle...your sex muscle...your 'do it to me now before I explode' muscle. Anatomically speaking, it's your PC muscle or actually group of muscles that support your pelvic cavity.

It's also the muscle, that when in shape, allows you to have rip-roaring orgasms. Studies have confirmed that the ability to have an orgasm, and the intensity of that orgasm, correlates with the contraction strength of the PC muscle. Women who don't have orgasm or have lackluster 'snoregasms' tend to have weak PC muscles.

But more and better orgasms are just one oh-so sweet by product of the Kegel. Another direct and beneficial result is that they help keep sex on your brain. Now I ask you: Have you ever been more excited about the idea of exercising?

Kegels can be done any time and/or any place and nobody else has to know you're working out. You can do your Kegels while you watch TV, shop, ride the subway, read, cook or drive carpool. In fact, you can even do Kegels while you're walking or doing yoga! How's that for economizing your time!

So, how do you Kegel? Here are the basics:

While you are in the bathroom, try to stop the flow of urine. The muscle that stops you from urinating is the PC muscle. The action of stopping is the Kegel exercise. Hold for one second and release. Repeat the hold, release action three times. If you're squeezing the right muscle you should stop the flow of urine each time.

If you can't completely stop the flow, it means you've got a flabby PC (mine used to match my stomach). But don't worry, unlike my dang stomach, the PC muscle responds quickly with constant exercise.

Prime exercise time: Build them into your daily routine. Before you even get out of the bed do sixty seconds worth of Kegels. Every time you go to the potty, throw in a few more. And during your evening TV watching, sixty seconds more. Add your daily shower or bath and that's four times a day, every day, that you're training your mind and body for the sensual pleasures of sex.

Kegel on my friends and enjoy the results!

What do you think?

Down with So-So Sex!!

As our theme this month is "Sexy September" here's an encore entry from February. It's worth the reminder!

I saw this in O Magazine and thought it was definitely worth passing on.

“We settle for so-so sex because most of us don’t know how sexual we could be; we only know how sexual we are. How sexual we are has been shaped by decades of indoctrination by…family and friends, teachers, religious leaders and romantic partners, not to mention a society that worships a bewildering fusion of childlike sexual innocence and cynical, nilhilistic hedonism…So what is normal? It all depends on what is normal for you.”

Anita Clayton, MD with Robin Cantor-Cooke, in Satisfaction: Women, Sex, and the Quest for Intimacy (Ballentine)

Find your 'normal' and rock on!

Sex On The Brain

Anyone who knows me knows that one of my favorite saying is, "Where Your Mind Goes Your Butt Follows." It's clear, concise and action oriented: Action follows thought.

This idea applies to everything from making your dreams come true to creating a rip-roaring, passion-filled sex life. Because as the little cartoon above illustrates, brain and heart are your two biggest sex organs, though most of us mistake the other ‘stuff’ as the only 'parts' that count.

So if you really want to amp up your sex life, it’s time to wake up your sexy mind because once you turn on your brain, the rest of the equipment is sure to rev up or as I like to put it, “Sexy starts in your head. Where it ends is what makes your body smile.”

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See the thing is, thinking sexy when you're in a new relationship is easy. In fact, when there is someone new who you find attractive, keeping sex OFF your brain is damn near impossible. Mother Nature kicks your body into hormonal overdrive and you exude chemicals like phenylethylamine, which more potent than a Cosmo, mixes with other pheromones and such to create a potent hormonal cocktail that creates a natural lover’s high. Think about it: when you feel sexy, the sun shines brighter, flowers seem more fragrant and beautiful, and that drugstore chocolate that tasted slightly waxy yesterday, today tastes downright orgasmic! It’s this hormonal cocktail that attracts you to and bonds you with your new lover, it’s what makes you feel deliciously off balance, heady, giddy and hot, hot, hot!

But what Mother Nature giveth, she also taketh away. In the average relationship, this romantic space has an expiration date that comes far too soon for most of us. One day you wake up and realize that those habits you once thought of as cute and endearing have become irritating. Suddenly he’s not so perfect and the sex god he once was has turned into an annoying slob. Combine that with the stress and rush of kids, work and the details of day-to-day life and before you know it, sex has become something you do and you slip into a state of sexual neutrality—you’re not necessarily in the mood for sex, but you can get there if you have/need/want to.

This can be a critical point for a lot of women when it comes to how they approach and live their sex lives. When buzz of new romance wears off, and your brain is no longer continually filled with sex thoughts about yourself and your partner, your shut down thinking about yourself as sensual, sexual beings. Stilettos are traded in for sneakers, sensible undies replace lingerie and all the things that once made up your natural seduction kit are relegated to props for designated romantic celebrations.

And this is exactly why keeping sex on the brain is so vital to every Weapon of Mass Seduction’s sexual vitality. Like those Jimmy Choos you can’t get off your mind—the more you think about something, the more you HAVE to have it. Sex is no different.

Thinking about sex does not have to interfere with your daily life but instead will enhance everything. A sexy mind keeps you feeling fully alive. It keeps you ready to make love on the fly instead of falling into the dreaded appointment sex category. It also puts your partner on notice that you are a sensual, exciting woman. It puts him where you want him and keeps him there…waiting and wanting YOU.

If this is what you want, try these four tips for reinvigorating your sexy mind. I’ve gathered them up from various sources and have tried them all. They worked for me and many folks I’ve recommended them to. Hopefully, they’ll help put sex back on your brain too.

1. Never underestimate the seductive power of the written word.
One study showed that women who read romantic fiction have better sex lives than those who don't (I have a few titles to suggest!). Also, keep an open mind about erotica, which is an entirely different animal than pornography. It's really a matter of personal taste but erotica can be quite enjoyable and titillating and will go along way in putting you in a sexy state of mind.

2. Keep thinking sexy thoughts. Fantasizing about Morris Chestnut or Brad Pitt or the guy with the amazing tight end you found yourself gazing upon in the elevator is not a bad thing. The joy of a pleasurable ‘mind job” is that you don’t have to be responsible, reasonable or safe for that matter. Let your mind be a sexy playground where you can fulfill every side of your sexual self—even the freaky side which will probably never see the light of day but can be some serious fuel to keep that lusty fire burning.

3. Stay away from negative thoughts about sex. Parents, pastors, and past experiences may have helped form your opinions about sex, and truth be told, they may not be YOUR opinions. Negative ideas, those that seem to fight with your authentic sexual desires, need to be looked at and challenged on the regular. If you don’t you’ll continue to believe that ‘nice girls don’t enjoy sex’ or “sex is your duty’ or “wanting sex makes you a slut.” Reprogram your brain to understand that your feminine confidence (i.e. sexual confidence), vitality and fulfillment are CRUCIAL to your existence as a fully alive, fully realized woman. And because your sexual turn-ons are as individual as your fingerprints, what entity has the right to judge your desires?

4. Think like a man. Ask yourself: Why do guys want to have sex all the time? And we all know the answer to that question: Because they think about it all the time. For example, a man will use an elevator ride as an opportunity for some erotic sight-seeing. He spots a great butt and immediately fantasizes about giving it a firm squeeze. A woman spots a nice tush, sneaks a quick glance and then goes back to her to-do list for the day.

Now I ask you: Isn’t it time for you to start thinking more like a man?

Wake up that sexy mind and get to know your inner sexiness. We're all so consumed with the condition of our bodies we're neglecting the biggest turn-on of all.

What do you think?