Tuesday, December 7, 2010
This can be a tough season for singles because it's one of those times during the year (like New Year's Eve and Valentine's Day) when being alone can feel particularly lonely. But this is also the season for putting your wants and wishes into the air. I know that many of you, whether you've said it out loud or whispered it in your hearts, have added a man to your Santa wish list. But as I have found with my chosen weight loss program these past few years, wishing doesn't make it so.
If you are in the market to add a partner to your life, it’s also important to be concerned first and foremost about what YOU want in a man. We spend so much of our time worrying about being worthy and wondering why nobody seems to want us, that we have no idea what is really important to us when it comes down to the nitty gritty of love. We scour magazines and the Internet looking for clues to what men want and how we can become that girl so they will pick us. In our desire to “be what he wants,” most of us are willing to change ourselves and deny our own needs for the sake of having someone who we call 'special' in our lives. When we do this, we forget two important facts: 1) You ARE something special, damn it! And 2) Happiness is truly fleeting if you deny yourself and your truth. Because really, no man, no matter his looks, personality, or wealth will make you happy if he is ultimately not what YOU want.
So, get out your stationary and make your list. When you have the time, sit quietly and think about what you want in your mate. Don’t get caught up in the superficial—what he looks like, how much money he makes, how he dresses, where he was educated, what part of town he lives in, what kind of car he drives, etc. None of those things count in the long run. Concentrate on the personality qualities, morals and values that are deal breakers for you.
Take a look at your list of gentle demands. Is it reasonable? Would you be capable of meeting your own needs? Does it demand more of a mate than it does of yourself?
Tis the magical season of believing and receiving. So take a moment to focus on what you truly want. Once you’ve done that, you’ve taken the first step in creating it. Know what you want and ask for it. Then start doing the work to assure that you are a partner who is worthy and equal to one you are asking for.
Monday, December 6, 2010
I decided to post my December Flirt Tip this month...
Tis the season for giving gifts and this year, let your lover find something a little different under the tree. In addition to that new gadget he's been hinting about, give him a taste of the holiday season that will keep on giving way after the Christmas tree comes down. Make your own gift certificates promising something uniquely personal and much more intimate than an iPad. Here are few ideas to get you going.
Gift him with an evening of sensual delight. Pick a date to make sex an event for the two of you. Remember when you were single and out to impress him and make him yours? Remember how interesting and exciting you made sex. Single sex tends to be more spontaneous, energetic and adventurous. When your man thinks about single sex, this is the mood he's missing and craving. He may love having married sex, which over the years becomes more about comfort than passion. So use the holidays to shake your married sex life up a bit. Give him a few nights of celebratory sex sprinkled throughout the year and make yourself Santa's favorite little elf.
Give him the gift of trust by presenting him with a boys night out without any drama or expectations. He loves you, but sometimes he needs a night out with his friends, just like you need that girlfriend getaway every now and again. Tuck a gift card under the tree with two tickets for him and his boy to a favorite sports event. Or plan and prepare a boys night in to watch a big game, with all of his favorite food and friends and then disappear and let them get their man on. Showing you trust him and letting him know you want him to be happy is truly a must have gift for the season.
If your household is anything like mine, your man is going to love this. Give him a six month free pass to make entertainment choices for the two of you. For half the year, let him pick the movies, the restaurants, the take out. Put your preferences on the back burner for just awhile and let him be the 'decider'. You'll be surprised that if you not only present this as a romantic gesture, and as you taking the opportunity to learn and enjoy life through his eyes, you'll score big brownie points and find yourself with a more cooperative mate the rest of the year!
The best gift of all is love. Extend the heartfelt romantic gesture of writing and gift wrapping a beautiful love letter expressing your feelings. Let him know he's more than your man, that he's your hero. Seal with a sexy, hot kiss and you'll be unwrapping the rest of your gifts December 26 as Christmas day will have become a lovers' holiday.
Happy Holidays to you and yours!
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
It's been one of those weeks(and it's only Tuesday!) I'm behind on a couple of deadlines, fighting off a cold and to top it off, the weather sucks! It's cold and rainy and instead of making me feel relaxed and cozy, I'm feeling everything BUT. In fact, by three o'clock this afternoon I was feeling down right bitchy.
And then the mail arrived. I opened the front door and there on my porch was a package with my name on it. I picked it up,turned it over and there it was--the Freshpair logo! A flash of white broke out across my face. My new undies (have a peek) had arrived, delivered right to my door, just in time to ward off my "whoa is me" temper tantrum.
For me, lingerie is right up there with jewelry and shoes when it comes to retail therapy purchases. A new bra and pantie set is an instant pick me up when I'm feeling down and dowdy.
On occasion women debate me on the necessity of wearing fancy pants. So before some of you get your knickers in a twist, understand that your wardrobe down under should be comfortable in mind and body and should speak to your personal style sensibilities. So maybe you’re a LaPerla girl or maybe Hanes for Her are more for you. Perhaps you connect to the look and feel of cotton or maybe satin and lace are what get your eyes twinkling. Boy shorts or thongs, bikini or briefs, demi cup or sports bra—whatever your preference, just make sure your signature sexies are your brand of hot.
So often your outer wardrobe is dictated by the rules of our professional environment, but what you wear under your clothes speak volumes about how YOU see yourself as a sexual woman. The conversation going on between your feminine psyche and your drawers can be broken down into two main topics: 1) That you identify and care about yourself as a woman, and that sexy is who you are 24/7, not just when you’re putting it into action; or 2) Well, let’s just say it’s the direct opposite of number one.
So, what is your underwear saying about you?
A word to the wise: If you're ready to start a new conversation, check out online lingerie sites (if you know your correct size)like Freshpair.com for the brand and styles that make you feel lovely about being you!
Monday, November 22, 2010
Here's an brief article I found on line that speaks to the subject. Read. Think. Put yourself in the position to be happy.
By Sarah Jio, Glamour magazine
These days, happiness is a big business--authors sell books on the topic, marketers try to get you to buy their products in the name of improved happiness, etc. But when it boils down to it, experts say that for almost every one of us, happiness boils down to three simple things--do you have them in your life?
The happiness trio? Huffington Post blogger Joe Robinson recently wrote about three core psychological needs that stem from past research from scientists at The University of Rochester:
Autonomy: Having independence, control over your home or work environment--the feeling that you are freely choosing things in your life and not being controlled by anyone or anything.
Competence: Feeling as though you are empowered and capable to do the work in your life and initiate things.
Relatedness: Social connection and intimacy with others.
Of course, the happiness equation consists of many different things for many different people, and yet I can tell you that in my life, if any one of these things is missing or off balance I feel anxious and out of whack.
Do you have all three of these elements in your life?
Sunday, November 7, 2010
What exactly is a signature symbol? It is something that you can see and touch that connects you with your true sensual self, reminds you of the woman you are striving to be and gives the rest of the world a hint of who you are (think Mariah Carey's butterfly). Lots of power packed into such a little thing.
I get lots of questions about what to choose and as always, I say try to identify a particular shape, color, animal, flower or thing that you've always been attracted to and give it your own definition of what it represents about you. Here are a few of the icons past Stiletto U students have chosen to define themselves.
Butterfly: Very popular icon. Represents transformation and metamorphosis--the ability to change and transform one's attitudes and ideas. Can represent beauty, freedom and joy.
Dragonfly: Can represent illusion and the idea that not all we see or think we know is exactly as it is. It reminds us that magic does still exist in the world if we simply open our eyes and look for it.
Hummingbird: Native Americans associate the hummingbird with timeless joy and the sweet nectar of life. It symbolizes accomplishing what seems impossible and living a joyful life in the circumstances you find yourself.
Lotus flower: It is said that Buddah rose from the center of the lotus flower. That said, the lotus flower is a symbol for rebirth. It also represents peace and enlightenment and is a symbol for all that is true and good and beautiful.
Bamboo: Can represent delicate beauty combined with strength and endurance. Bamboo bends but does not break.
Fleur de lis: Can symbolize excellence, light and illumination, purity, courage and faith.
Color Green: The fresh start of spring brings waves of Green and with it comes attributes of youth, sentimentality, nature, adventure, growth and health.
Star: Can represent high hopes and ideals, good luck, illumination, and a five pointed star can symbolize the five senses.
Apple: A symbol of ecstasy, fertility and abundance as well as love. Split apart, the Apple conjures an image of vulva, signifying feminine love and beauty.
Heart: Likely the most common symbol for love and has long been recognized across cultures as being a symbol for charity, joy and compassion.
So these are just a few of the endless number of icons you can choose that represent you. As always the key is to choose one and personalize its meaning to fit your truth and individual quest.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
You know, I have to agree with her, and frankly, while everyone else seemed to turn Joan's comments into one great big diss, I don't see it that way. I think her comparison was exactly right.
Everything about Jennifer Aniston screams cute. Her look is safe, approachable and right from the good girl next door style rack. Her personality and personal charisma, or at least that which is revealed to the public, is sweet, endearing, and slightly guarded. Jen's brand of sexy is natural and cute, and the combination makes the men in her life want to take care of her, even though it's obvious since her split from Mr. Pitt that she's quite capable of looking after herself.
Angelina, on the other hand, has a personal style and charisma that is bigger,riskier and much more outwardly sultry and sexy than Jen's. Her life and lifestyle do appear to be more fully expressed and glamorous. Her look is hot and, well, gorgeous. Angie's brand of sexy is smoking hot, which can be as exciting as it can be intimidating to the shy guy.
Where I think Joan Collins went wrong, was in comparing the two women and making comments that made it sound like one look was better than the other. What Joan failed to realize is that each woman is working her natural strengths, owning her look and true charisma and living her life.
Follow the example of both of these lovely ladies. Own your unique brand of secy and do you.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
One of the comments that came up during the workshop was from a lovely single mother who said she didn't like to flirt because she didn't know how to turn off the attention from men she was not interested in. As a result, she'd shut down her charm offense totally, but admitted to missing her flirty side.
I constantly stress to my Stiletto University students is that "You can't be that woman if you can't handle that woman." When you unearth and share with the world your unique personality, energy and style, you can't help but attract attention. Some from admirers you will covet, and some attention from those you don't.
Attracting attention, good or bad, is the nature of the charming beast. IMHO, putting a cap on your feminine fizz is not an option, so learning how to deal with the overflow is important. The first thing to remember is that the majority of admirers are simply gifting you with their positive attention,so even though you may not be interested, they still deserve your courtesy and appreciation for doing what you want the world to do anyway--notice you. You need to send them on their way as pleasantly as possible (don't forget that someone else might be watching). So perfect an exit line that saves their ego and applauds their good taste.
My go-to, (and most effective) exit line is: "Thank you so much, you have made my night, but my husband really gets upset when I date." I deliver it with a killer smile and make my exit.
For the totally obnoxious who simply won't take a hint, I simply excuse myself, saying "I have to call home," walk away and exit to the ladies room or join a group conversation where he will be reluctant to follow.
Be friendly, be firm and continue being flirty. Si find your exit line and get out there and handle your business!
Sunday, August 22, 2010
If you're in the D.C. area, please join me for these following events. Invite a friend and come get your sexy on!
Sept. 9- 7:00 PM Secret Pleasures Presents A Weapons of Mass Seduction Workshop
JoJo Restaurant and Bar, 1518 U Street, NW (at N 15th Street), Washington, DC
The ability to charm and disarm will take you far in life. Learn the no-fail basics of how to S.E.L.L. yourself in whether in a room full of strangers or just you and you significant other in the comfort of your own home.
Sept. 11- 4:00 pm Secret Pleasures Hosts An Erotic Reading and Discussion
Secret Pleasures, 1510 U Street, NW, Washington, DC
Unleash the your inner erotic diva at this sexy but always tasteful reading and discussion of Can't Help The Way That I Feel.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Friends You Should Have - AOL Health
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Frisky Friday: Sexy Summer Reading
Monday, June 21, 2010
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Sex in the City was a cheerleader for female empowerment--women taking charge of their sex and love lives and living them both with the scandal that can come with living one's own truth. I found them to be fabulous--not because of their fashion or fame or fortunes, but because of the way they walked through life (in stilettos of course!) on their own terms. But in SATC2 these women have fallen off their fierce girls pedestal and are floundering. They have forgotten all of the lessons they spent years teaching us and are looking more and more like aging women desperately clinging to their youth.
I wanted to love this movie but spent most of the two hours plus feeling annoyed and offended. It started out well but then went steadily downhill. No real story, weak dialogue (Carrie's puns were so lame it was embarrassing) a lot of stupid whining (between crying baby Rose and baby Charlotte, I was ready to walk), and ridiculous, out of place fashion choices (seriously, who walks sand dunes and rides camels in stiletto heels? And who bares their porcelain white chest and shoulders or covers them in huge, metal bibs in blazing desert heat?).
But what really irritated me most was the incredibly stupid, disrespectful and obnoxious way these intelligent, worldly women behaved while in Abu Dhbai. All were annoying in some form, but Samantha's behavior is totally outrageous, and not in a good way. She, a public relations expert, no less, is completely disrespectful to the culture, laws, and religious sensibilities of the country she is visiting and hopefully will be representing. She dresses and acts inappropriately (grabbing a man's penis in full view of other guests, holding up a gross of condoms in the souk and screaming "Yes, I love sex," to a throng of conservative, Muslim men), and portrays the ugly American to perfection.
This movie is not WMS friendly because truly confident, sexy women understand that respect for other people and their beliefs is hot, while ignoring them in pursuit of your own selfish pleasure is not. Additionally, Samantha, with her 40 plus pills a day to trick her body into being young, has become a desperate parody of her former self. A seasoned woman is sexy because she is confident enough to quietly go after what she wants with style and elegance. She doesn't need to compete with younger women by wearing the same clothes, just because they fit, because ultimately she ends up looking older and more insecure than they do. What Samantha doesn't seem to understand is that yes, her insistence on letting everyone know within earshot that she's game for a fuck, does make her appear younger, but in all the wrong ways. Instead of looking worldly and self assured, she looks like every other young girl who thinks that a reputation for putting out is what makes her sexy and popular with the boys. It's a troubling perspective at any age, but Samantha just looks old and desperate because at 52, she should know better.
One of the delightful new flirt tools that comes with age is mystery. Samantha needs to put that in her trick bag and learn to work it to maximum effect.
P.S. Search on this website, Ciao Bella and get more tips on how to be a Weapon of Mass Seduction while traveling abroad.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
When: Thursday, June 10, 2010
Time: 6:30 PM
Where: Good Vibrations 2504 San Pablo Avenue, Berkeley, CA
Following the workshop there will be a booksigning for my new anthology, Can't Help The Way That I Feel.
I will also be doing Dare to Be Tempted readings and signing while I'm in the Bay Area at:
When: Thursday, June 10, 2010
Time: 12 Noon
Where: Marcus Books
1712 Fillmore Street
San Francisco, CA
When: Friday, June 11, 2010
Time: 6:30 PM
Where: Marcus Books
3900 Martin Luther King Jr. Way
If you're in the area, bring a friend or two and join us. Tempting you with their sensual thoughts and words will be contributing authors Toi James and Teddy Bell. Come. Let us lead you into temptation!!!
Please feel free to pass this information along to anyone you think might enjoy the event.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
A depressing new study that depressingly found that 63 percent of married women would rather get extra sleep or catch up on their reading than have sex with their husbands may also have depressingly pinpointed why: Less than half of women surveyed say they married the best sex of their lives.
48 percent of married women say the guy they locked it down with isn't the guy who brought it the best in the sack. The data comes from a survey conducted for iVillage by Insight Express. Over 2,000 bored but satisfied women responded.
Maybe the old truism that the best sex is sex with somebody you love isn't true -- maybe the best sex is actually with that Venetian guy you met and had sex with on a roof garden while backpacking through Italy and never saw again.
More likely, it's because the majority (81 percent!!!) of women in the survey say their sex lives are predictable, based on location, position, time of day, duration, and foreplay ... Which is why it's not surprising that 62 percent of them said they fantasized about having sex with somebody else. Well, if somebody's going to be halfheartedly plugging away at you in the mish posish, it's no surprise when a young woman's fancy turns to thoughts of George Clooney.
Is this you?
Reprinted from AOL written by Emerald Catron
Saturday, May 8, 2010
So despite the fact that have made it clear that I am not a professional, but only a woman with a studied (read practical, lifelong observation)point of view, I gave them the answer that first popped into my head. I share it now with you for your consideration.
My theory is that men like breasts for two main reasons: First, because right or wrong, breasts have become the visual badge of a woman's sexuality. The bigger the boobs, supposedly the greater her sexual prowess. (Thanks Pamela Anderson. No surprise here that you got voted off of Dancing With the Stars) Now we enlightened women know that this is a crock of horse poop, but it is what it is, and trying to change a man's mind on this subject is wasted energy. We also know that while the majority of men will raise both hands when offered a serving of double D's, when talking about the woman they love, large breasts fall way down on the list of things they love (or miss) about her.
The second, and most important reason that I believe that men love breasts are because no matter what their size or shape,they are interactive. Breasts, particularly nipples, respond physically to arousal and desire. Men love the way breasts become engorged and how nipples swell and stiffen in their hands and mouths. This gives our visually oriented partners immediate feedback,ego gratification and the incentive to continue to please.
So again, ladies, stop worrying about what you don't have and start enjoying what you do. Embrace the health and sensitivity of your breasts and let the other things like their size and shape fall way down on your list of things you dislike about yourself. Wrap them up pretty like the gift they are and enjoy the sexual energy the produce.
Change your Sexitude. Change your life.
What do you think?
Saturday, May 1, 2010
You know, those who fancy themselves as the grand 'deciders' never cease to amaze me. Today, I'm talking about the brilliant cheese for brains executives at ABC and Fox. How they could ban the commercial above for being "inappropriate" "baring too much cleavage" and "salacious" is beyond me.
This is deemed inappropriate but they will air not only commercials but entire shows featuring the Sports Illustrated models and Victoria Secret Angels. They showcase these women who are in a weight and figure class all of their own, hammering in the misconceived and untrue notion that these size 0 mannequins flitting around in lingerie designed to GIVE THEM MORE CURVES and spray tanned skin and bones are the poster children of sexy.
Obviously they don't realize that the luscious, curvy woman in this Lane Bryant commercial is more representative of average women. They also don't realize that it's not either body type that makes these women sexy...it's their attitudes. Lane Bryant Lovely or Victoria Secret Angel, it's how they strut the stuff they've got--size 0 or size 16--that set them apart from the also rans.
Unfortunately it's the idiot gatekeepers like them that keep folks like me busy reminding women that sexy is not a weight class or a bra size. Sexy is as sexy does and the woman featured in this very sensuous commercial is holding up the truth that sexy comes in every size and it's the enormity of your confidence, not your breasts that makes you a contender. Ladies, don't buy into the bullsh*t. Being yourself can never be wrong. Remember: Confidence is Mother Nature's push-up bra!
Saturday, April 24, 2010
I ran across this website, Scarleteen.com that after perusing for a while, looks like a great resource for parents and teens alike when it comes to educating yourselves on teen sexuality. Remember, knowledge and open communication is key to helping your kids navigate this very delicate and often confusing time in their lives.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Consider this: A little temptation can be a very good thing because sometimes it acts as a catalyst for our personal growth. Sometimes in an impulsive moment, we find ourselves growing into the next version of ourselves—our more open, spontaneous, courageous, adventurous, curious, fabulous selves.
I've come to believe that many temptations we encounter are actually whispers of restless discontent attempting to lure us into questioning the status qua areas of our lives. Quite often one such area is sex. Sex is the one thing that we are the most curious and yet the least confident about. When it comes to sex our will to be good--to avoid temptation--often stands firmly in the way of our true needs and desires, without us ever really questioning why denial is the right and righteous thing to do.
Last year I was approached to edit an anthology of erotic stories. I agreed because I wanted to put my imprint on this huge genre and use erotica to help women really understand themselves through the sex they read in romance novels and anthologies, see in the movies and on television, and fantasize about through the lyrics of song.
In the stories included in Can't Help The Way That I Feel, you will meet several compelling characters who share some of your same feelings about their love and sex lives—boredom, confusion, dissatisfaction, prudence. And like yours, each of their journeys is different. But unlike most of us, they decide to take control of their hot sexy selves. Each woman finds herself giving into temptation, and in its aftermath, learning something about herself, and growing into the woman she wants to be. The writing, just like you, is elegant, sophisticated, sexy and hot but not raunchy!
These characters will tickle your fancy and ignite your lust as you live vicariously through their enticing sexcapades. And after they have you and your imagination revved up and ready to purr, let us tempt with three tasty, to-be-continued, story starters designed to get your creative (and other) juices flowing and help you make this anthology uniquely personal by finishing your own sexy tale on the blank pages provided. Delve in by yourself or grab the one you're with, and spend the night researching and then writing your personal erotic tale together.
Can't Help The Way That I Feel is in bookstores now, and you can also order your copy now from Amazon.com. You an also go to canthelpthewaythatifeel.blogspot.com and read about the authors and excerpts from their stories.
Please spread the word and let me know what you think of the collection.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Many of you have asked just what's going and I thank you for your interest. Mainly I've been in the cave writing up a storm. I'm so very pleased with the new projects that will be popping up on bookshelves in the next couple of years. I think you will be too.
This week, my first editorial project hits the stores. It is an erotic anthology, entitled Can't Help The Way That I Feel and is full of great, well written stories that are short on rauchiness and long on sexy, erotic storytelling. What I really love is that while written to be enjoyed by all ages, the stories feature women of a certain age doing their thing and doing it well!! In the next post, I will tell you all about it but you can head over to the blog and check out the authors and read short excerpts from their stories.
I'm also finishing up a new novel that will be published next year by Strebor Books, an imprint of Simon and Schuester. More on that later.
Lastly, I am thrilled to tell you that it looks very much like Stiletto U: Lessons to Unleash the Sexy, Confident You will published soon. We are in negotiations to bring my nine week program to bookstores in 2011. I am so, so, so excited about this. The book is based the program I developed for my individual coaching and I'm just thrilled that it will be available to the masses. To go along with this, I'm working on a new Stiletto U website, which will probably at some point replace WMS, but that's to come a bit down the road.
So spring has sprung and I too have sprung into a new and exciting phase of my career. Now, as you take time to smell the roses this season, take time to imagine what exciting new phase of your life awaits you!
As does my return to this blog. I have been so busy working hard on new projects that I couldn't seem to get around to blogging, even though in my heart I missed it. I'm going to try harder to keep in touch more consistently.
So to celebrate spring, I give you these thoughts by Helen Keller. Remarkable insight, considering the woman could not see or hear.
"Use your eyes as if tomorrow you would go blind. Do the same with all of your senses. Hear the song of a bird as if tomorrow you would go deaf. Touch everything as if tomorrow you would never be able to touch anything again. Smell the flowers, taste every bit of food as if tomorrow you will never to smell or taste again."
Live through your senses and bring joy to your day!