Charming the Mr.

Today's post is for all you wives out there who have forgotten, lost or turned in your flirt card once you said, "I do."

I find that to a married woman's ears, the word 'flirting" has a negative ring to it. Most married women feel that even innocent flirting with other men is a taboo activity left to single women. But what's really sad is that they even stop flirting with their Mr. So let's flip the script and replace the word flirting, with all of its hussy baggage, with the word 'charm', as in charming your man.

It's not unusual for a woman to flirt in order to attract her man and then gradually dismiss her charming side as time, kids and familiarity take over. But every woman should keep her sensual, charming self active and alive. Why? Here are three great reasons:

1) To maintain your sexual relevance as time goes by. Age is no longer a threat to your sexual confidence.

2) Because sexual confidence gives you a sense of control over your own destiny. No more thinking, "No other man will ever want me."

3) To avoid the "intimacy" leak that siphons off marital passions.

Flirting with your husband is a crucial part of a married Weapon of Mass Seduction’s arsenal. Flirting helps keep romance and playfulness alive in your marriage. It should not stop at the altar, nor should it stop at your 25th wedding anniversary. Here are a few steps to get you back to your charming self.

First, develop your sensual persona.

Take time to reacquaint yourself with the sensual you and accept the incredible woman you are—as is, cellulite and all.

Learn to savor yourself, your life and your environment through your senses.

Define your new WMS status by finding and flaunting your five sensual signatures.

Second, turn up the charm.

Find your smile again. It’s amazing how often we don’t smile and a genuine smile is your most effective charming tool.

Practice. Waiters, gas station attendants, the deli guy. Be charming whenever the opportunity presents itself. The better you get the more powerful you’ll feel.

Take those charming feelings and focus on the things that initially attracted you to your husband.

Use those fun, charming moves on him when he least expects it. An unexpected compliment or smile out of the blue will do wonders.

Listen to him and laugh with him. Just as they do on his single brethren, the more he thinks you find him interesting, the more mysterious and alluring you’ll once again become to him.

Have fun and don’t take it all too seriously.

Confidence is Mother Nature's Push Up Bra

When it comes to defining your Signature Self (#5 on the WMS Must Have List) just look outside to see how it’s done.

Mother Nature is one sexy weapon of mass seduction. She's a chick who loves her unique attributes with no excuses and little compromise. She understands the perfection of imperfection. Watch and learn. Let her be your mentor.

Does her desert sister whine about the meadows getting all the flowers? Does she endlessly complain about her barren landscape or dusty tumbleweeds? No, she says “Love my sandy, cactus-strewn behind as it is because I am HOT. Here’s what I offer, find my beauty within or keep on stepping, trying to find that unattainable, perfect oasis. It's a mirage, you know.”

Does the snowy femme in her make excuses for being cold and icy?
No, she falls with gentle humility and grins as you turn breathless with the exquisite hush of her bounty. Some player haters may call her frigid, but they're the first to find themselves lying spread-eagle on her glistening white bosom gleefully making snow angels. Yeah, she's one cool number but you still can’t help but be in awe of the individuality found in each of her flakes.

Does the rose say, “Shazzam, I’d be one beautiful blossom if I didn’t have all these damn thorns. No. She says, “love me despite my bumpy stem,” and you can’t keep your nose out of her gorgeous buds.

Learn from the master.

Love your natural self in all your natural beauty. Make no excuses for your perceived imperfections. Become comfortable in your own skin—big butt, little boobs, cellulite, whatever. The reality is that you’re much more aware of them than those looking and ultimately you care about them much more than anyone else—including your man.

Take your cue from Mother Nature and emphasize your best features (we all have two or three) with your signature style, carry yourself with confidence, and then dare the world not to find you, thorns and all, absolutely FABULOUS!

What do you think?

Sexy Soccer Mom

I had a photo shoot for a national magazine yesterday and can I tell you something...it's hard work trying to be America's Next Top Model...particularly when having your picture taken has the same pleasure potential as a leg wax with a salt scrub chaser. It's painful.

This saga all began when I got an email from my publicist giving me the details for the shoot. They wanted to photograph me in my office and wanted the look and feel to be sexy and sophisticated. I could live with that. But the line that gave me pause was: "They want to portray you as a sexy soccer mom."

Okay, now I do consider myself to be sexy woman and I am definitely a proud soccer mom, have been since my son was four, but "sexy soccer mom" is not a tag I'd wear on my lapel. I don't do sexy on the sidelines. In fact, sexy is the last thing I'm thinking about as I'm screaming out things like, "push up" or "man on, man on" or "goaaaaaaaal" (though now that I see it in print, it does sound kind of sexy, but let's keep it all in context, shall we).

All this to say that right from the gitgo, their label was making me nervous.

Anyway, I get to the shoot with the wardrobe they'd asked me to bring--pencil skirt, simple top and high, high heels. Not a problem. My closet is full of those very items. I also packed up a signature charm bracelet and four pairs of my favorite CFM heels. Not so soccer momish, I think. Very me. I can do this, I decide. Then the photographer and makeup artist take a look at my selection.

"I thought it was supposed to be a sexy shoot." I overheard him say.

"It will be once I'm in them," I interjected from the next room. He laughed. I sounded all confident and in charge, but his comment definitely threw me and shook my resolve.

"Hey, where's my champagne split with a straw?" I joked, thinking a nice buzz would ease my nerves. I got water. I guess it wasn't that kind of shoot.

Professional makeup should help. It took the make up artist twenty minutes just to set up and when I got to the table there were, no lie, at least 40 different items laid out. Hmm, no wonder Halle Berry looks so damn good, I think. My cosmetic bag contains five items and I use every one--MAC Studio fix, blush, concealer, mascara and lipstick. Putting on make up for me takes ten minutes top.

First, she rolled my hair in curlers and then led me over to the stool. I sat down and she proceeded to dip and dab and mix and brush and swirl her custom coverage on my face. I just sat back and let her do her thing until she pulled out the false eyelashes. Oh hell no. I am not Tammye Faye Baker, bless her soul.

"Are those really necessary?" I asked.

"They'll give you a sexy eye for the camera," she responded.

I don't do false eyelashes so I didn't realize that until the glue dries they weigh a ton. All I knew was that I could barely open my eyes and "sexy soccer mom' suddenly felt like a drag queen. Painted and powered and with my eyelids falling shut, she led me back to the hair chair and proceeded to remove the curlers and style my hair.

Did I mention there is no mirror around? I had no idea what I looked like. But I felt pampered and celebrified, so I was happy. The photographer was ready. His light was perfect. Time to get dressed and on set. Then I see my reflection in the mirror. I look glammed up for sure, but it was so not me. I didn't feel comfortable and if I didn't feel comfortable, no way sexy and sophisticated was going to come across. So I cashed in a diva chip---you know, in a nice soccer mom kind of way.

"Umm, this look isn't working for me."

We compromised on the lashes and a hot flat iron and fifteen minutes later I was on set.

"Give me sexy." "That line is too straight. Can you bend your legs that way?" "Roll on that hip more." "Sit down." "Stand up." "Be sexy." "Make up." Cross your legs." "Smile." "Don't smile." "Not so big." "More smile." "Be beautiful." "Turn here." "Sexy. Hot." "Turn there." "Change your clothes." "Give it to me." "Do something different." "Give me something more." "Come on, you're sexy, show me."

Three hours later, I'm tired, hungry and bored. He's got amazing light and renewed imagination. "I need something different and sexy."

Diva chip number two definitely delivered with more attitude. "Man, I gave you all the sexy I had three hours ago. Right now, it's about getting the lucky shot."

A few clicks later and "that's a wrap."

What's the moral of this story? It's twofold: First, you can't wear someone else's label of who you are and expect to feel confident and comfortable. Sexy isn't a costume you pull on and off and it can't be someone else's vision of what sexy looks or feels like for you. If your look isn't authentic then you're forcing yourself into an artifical role, and I don't know about you but that's not a good look for me. My faux "sexy soccer mom" look was determined by an art director and makeup person. Who is determining yours? Celebrities and models? Fashion designers? Your man? Your girlfriends? Or do you decide your own sexy style?

Secondly, sexy on demand is unnatural and uninspired. It doesn't matter what someone else's expectations of you are, if you aren't feeling it, you can't work it. So always, to thine own self be true. Only then will the true WMS in you shine.

What do you think?