What's Your Passion?

Okay, so I'm at a cocktail reception this weekend and find myself eavesdropping on a most interesting discussion taking place next to me between several men about their sex lives. As I reveled in the chance to get into the heads of three overtly sexual men (research, darling), I huddle up as close as I could without knocking anyone over and caught an ear full. What I heard first got me mad and then made me think.

The men were painfully lamenting over the 'fact' that their wives didn't seem to enjoy sex and had zero passion when it come to lovemaking. One even spoke the asinine words aloud that perhaps the reason New York's ex-governor had spent some $80,000 on prostitutes was because the First Lady wasn't putting out. Hmmm...typical. Blame the woman for not meeting yet another of his needs.

This is the part that made me mad. The idea that men cheat because their women aren't sexual enough. Aren't passionate enough. Aren't attentive enough. And yes, there are those women who aren't very sexual or sexual or attentive but the reasons behind their mindset and inattentiveness are vast and varied, many of which we address right here in this blog. And yoo hoo, what about you? Before you pecked her lips and grabbed your woman between the legs did you even think about the fact that women get turned on first in their heads? That it doesn't matter how many times or how quickly you can make a woman come to orgasm that without the mind fuck passion doesn't really come alive for us? But then to blame us for your cheating? That's just wrong and cowardly.

Chronic cheating is more about a man's own identity crisis, insecurities and inability to be the man he wants to be. Like energy attracts like energy. It goes both ways, bud.

That's all the stuff I wanted to say but didn't because I was supposed to be minding my own business.

But then I started thinking (you know we writers never see anything in strictly black or white. It's the shades of gray that are most interesting to us!). There are an awful lot of women out there who aren't passionate about anything let alone sex. Women who believe that passion is something lived only through their sex lives. They have very little passion about things outside the bedroom and then have trouble turning inside.

Think about it. Have you ever asked yourself, "What am I truly passionate about?" I bet that most of you can't identify a true passion in your life beyond your children, and that can be a stretch on some days.

We tend to think of passion in the same erroneous way we think (or thought before you started reading this blog)of sensuality--as some obscure emotion that we pull out of our sexual trick bag and turn on for the delight of our partner. And it's true, one definition of passion is strong sexual desire and excitement. But true passion is about having a sincere zest for life. It's about finding wonder and excitement in all aspects of your life, not just in the bedroom.

Passion is not something someone bestows on you or turns on within you. If it's there, they can turn in up but you're the only one who can actually turn it on. And you can fake it for sure, but why live with fraudulent passion when you can have the awe-inspiring real thing? What fun is that?

Live with passion in all areas of your life and you'll find that between the sheets, it becomes a natural extension of who you truly are--not someone you're trying to be. Learn to live with passion and you'll soon learn that you were never lacking sexual prowess, but rather interest and curiosity in ALL areas of your life.

Living life through your senses is a natural gateway to living with full-on passion. As I've stated many times, when you live with the joyous preoccupation of the wonders all around you, you can't help but become more loving, grateful, appreciative, joyous and yes, passionate. Finding delight in your true nature and taking interest and care of yourself and your appearance will make you feel more confident and interesting, which also ups the big "P" factor.

Get into life. Find joy where you stand. And just watch how much more passionate you become.

What do you think?

What's Sexy?

My daughter, who is 14 and about to enter high school this fall, finally said the "S" word. She told me she wanted to be "sexy." When I asked her to explain to me what she thought sexy was, she, like most of us, was at a loss for words. So I of course took the opportunity fill in the blanks for her.

My first response to her was "Sexy is a clean body. Sexy is fresh breath. Sexy is skin that's soft and not ashy." "Sexy is a genuine smile." "Sexy is a clean room." (okay, that was a little behavior modification, but it can't hurt!). "Sexy is clean underwear." Apparently that wasn't the message she was trying to hear, (but believe me I'll be in her ear with it for the duration) and she all but knocked me down trying to answer her cell phone.

Well that conversation got me to thinking and I decided to share with you what other things I think are sexy. Okay, truth is, I was on a roll with nobody to listen. So here we go!

Kindness is sexy. Laughter is sexy. Realness is sexy. Smart is sexy. Humor is sexy. Bold is sexy. SAFE is sexy. Truth is sexy. Confidence is sexy. Passion is sexy. Quirky is sexy. (Strange is not!) Individualism is sexy. Mystery is sexy.
Compassion is sexy. Fairness is sexy. Natural is sexy. Loving God is sexy. Love yourself is sexy.

These are all the things I want to explain to my daughter when she is willing to listen. I want her to know that she is sexy because she is who she is. That sexy isn't a mold every woman has to stuff herself into. It doesn't come in a bottle and she won't find it hanging on the size 2 rack. That she has the right to be sexy on her own terms and she shouldn't judge hers, or anyone else's sexiness by any rigid cultural, societal or media implied standards.

She is the new (and improved) sexy and, so by the way, are you.

What do you think?

Charming the Mr.

Today's post is for all you wives out there who have forgotten, lost or turned in your flirt card once you said, "I do."

I find that to a married woman's ears, the word 'flirting" has a negative ring to it. Most married women feel that even innocent flirting with other men is a taboo activity left to single women. But what's really sad is that they even stop flirting with their Mr. So let's flip the script and replace the word flirting, with all of its hussy baggage, with the word 'charm', as in charming your man.

It's not unusual for a woman to flirt in order to attract her man and then gradually dismiss her charming side as time, kids and familiarity take over. But every woman should keep her sensual, charming self active and alive. Why? Here are three great reasons:

1) To maintain your sexual relevance as time goes by. Age is no longer a threat to your sexual confidence.

2) Because sexual confidence gives you a sense of control over your own destiny. No more thinking, "No other man will ever want me."

3) To avoid the "intimacy" leak that siphons off marital passions.

Flirting with your husband is a crucial part of a married Weapon of Mass Seduction’s arsenal. Flirting helps keep romance and playfulness alive in your marriage. It should not stop at the altar, nor should it stop at your 25th wedding anniversary. Here are a few steps to get you back to your charming self.

First, develop your sensual persona.

Take time to reacquaint yourself with the sensual you and accept the incredible woman you are—as is, cellulite and all.

Learn to savor yourself, your life and your environment through your senses.

Define your new WMS status by finding and flaunting your five sensual signatures.

Second, turn up the charm.

Find your smile again. It’s amazing how often we don’t smile and a genuine smile is your most effective charming tool.

Practice. Waiters, gas station attendants, the deli guy. Be charming whenever the opportunity presents itself. The better you get the more powerful you’ll feel.

Take those charming feelings and focus on the things that initially attracted you to your husband.

Use those fun, charming moves on him when he least expects it. An unexpected compliment or smile out of the blue will do wonders.

Listen to him and laugh with him. Just as they do on his single brethren, the more he thinks you find him interesting, the more mysterious and alluring you’ll once again become to him.

Have fun and don’t take it all too seriously.