Tis the Season for Sensual Eating

For a variety of reasons, the holidays can be a stressful time for many people. If you're watching your waistline, this can be a particular trying time. Putting the sensuality back into your supper has the power to transform a simple bite into a blast of pleasure with every morsel that passes your lips. And mindful eating will not only going to make your holiday meals markedly more pleasurable, it’s an excellent dieting tool because it lends itself to portion control and keeps you from overeating.

Here are five dieter-friendly tips to help you savor your holiday season:

1. Wake up your tongue with new tastes and textures. When it comes to appetizers, treat yourself to new taste sensations by trying unfamiliar foods. This way you won’t pile your plate up with the tried and true, thus limiting your pre dinner calorie intake.

2. Avoid calorie laden cocktails. Cocktails can be a real diet buster if you don’t watch your bar intake. Spirits (vodka, gin, rum, etc.) have more calories than beer and wine, and when you add the mixes and fruit juices to the glass the calorie count keeps on growing. Drinking a glass of water in between each cocktail will help you manage as well.

3. Control the amount of food you put on your plate. The holidays are not the time to deny yourself the delight found in familiar and comforting foods. Think portion control instead. Consuming smaller amounts will allow you the pleasure of partaking in your favorite foods, and help you watch your diet.

4. Don’t just taste your food, savor it. Take a bite of one dish and before chewing, savor the taste, textures, temperature, and sensations created in your mouth. Now chew slowly, taking the time to relish every bite. Not only will you enjoy your food more, you’ll be taking in less.

5. Join the conversation. Put your fork down between bites and engage yourself in the dinner table conversation. You’ll walk away from the table feeling more in touch with your family and less stuffed than normal.
Eat, drink and be merry!

Upcoming Stiletto U Events

Here's my event schedule for the next few weeks. If you're nearby, I hope you'll come out and join us. And if you have friends in area, please send them the information and encourage them to join in on the fun!

Sept. 5...Bliss Network. Listen to my conversation with the Bliss Lady, Teri Williams on Empower Radio. Listen here.

Sept. 15...7:00 PM Blue Marble Book Store. 551 Carpenter Avenue, Philadelphia, PA I'll be doing a reading and discussion from The Power of WOW.

Sept. 17...1:00pm EST Coach BettyLive on The Positive World Network.

Sept. 21...7-9 PM EST Twitter Party! We're chatting up sex, sensuality and anything else you'd like. RSVP by following @StilettoU, and check out #PowerofWOW. Win free gifts including a sensual bath basket by Babeland, free coaching sessions and more!

Sept. 27...5:00 PM EST Stiletto U Q & A on Learning Annex Channel on Ustream I'll be answering the top questions asked by my clients and during workshops. If you have a question, send it to stilettou@yahoo.com by Sept. 25. $.99

5:40-6:00 PM EST 7 Seductive Tips for The Shy and Sexy. Learning Annex Channel on UstreamLearn seven sexy moves that are highly effective and comfortable to execute. $.99

The Great Male Survey '11 Pt. 2 Lifestyle

The insight continues. Part two of the Great Male Survey delves into the lifestyle choices of men. Did you know that the majority of men own only four to six pairs of shoes. And that's a lifestyle choice! And apparently, 36% feel it's cool only to cry following the death of a loved one. Interesting tidbits to help you understand men...yeah like that will ever happen! :-)

The Great Male Survey '11 Pt. 1 Dating & Sex

Askmen.com has just released their annual male survey. I thought it interesting that included on the list of women they were tired of hearing about was Lady Gaga (20%), Sarah Palin (25%) and Kim Kardasian (17%). I thought I was the only one! Read on and see what's on the minds of our brethren. (The photo above is strictly for eye candy purposes!)

Havin' Your Cake: Coming Out of Celibacy

I was at a social function yesterday when a woman came over and asked if she could speak with me. She'd heard about my work as a sensuality coach and author and wanted to ask a question about a friend. I wasn't sure if the friend was real or simply a privacy prop, but I was game to listen and give whatever advice I could.

Seems her 'friend' had a problem. Over fifty and divorced for many years, she'd recently began dating a man and after three dates, had determined that even though she found him attractive and interesting, they didn't have any sexual chemistry. I did suggest that maybe she give it a little more time, that sometimes, for some people, the chemistry beneath takes time to penetrate layers of past experiences and emotional fears before it can bubble to the top. But she insisted that because her 'friend' had been celibate for over a year, that the right man should and would get her juices flowing immediately.

Perhaps but more than likely not.

Here's the thing, I explained, long-term celibacy is like going on serious diet. Let say you decide that you are going to eliminate sweets from your diet, and after two weeks or two months, someone puts your favorite chocolate cake in front of you. The likelihood is that you are going to be tempted to taste that cake. Your mouth still remembers the creamy taste of luscious chocolate. Your head tingles at the idea of the coming sugar rush. And if that baker's delight stays in front of you too long, the probability of you licking yummy icing from your lips is going to be strong.

But let's say that same damn, trying to bust my diet, person puts a cake in front of you after nearly two years of not eating any desserts. You've gone so long without sugar and chocolate that you've lost your craving for sweets. The temptation to taste is just not there anymore. You have effectively blunted your desire.

The same is true for sex. Long spans of celibacy (whether voluntary or imposed) forces a similar state upon you. When your brain is no longer continually filled with thoughts of sex and you shut down your sexual energy as well as your physical sexual functions, you shut down your desire. And if you're not careful, you also shut down thinking about yourself as a sensual, sexual being.

My bottom line advice for her friend was to spend sometime alone reviving her sexual energy and putting sex back on her brain. Like those Jimmy Choos or that chocolate cake you can’t get off your mind—the more you think about something, the more you have to have it. Sex is no different. If she woke up her sexy mind and got reacquainted with her inner sexiness, she might find that the chemistry was there all along.

What do you think?

A Friend in Need is A Friend with Benefits

It's just these times, when popular culture meets my real life in a way that just doesn't make sense, that I feel like I'm slowly morphing into a grown up. Okay, my mother. There I said it.

Here's what's happening. Justin Timberlake has a new movie out called "Friends with Benefits." And, in an effort to appear hip and current to my 22 and 18-year-old, I brought the movie up at dinner by saying, "I don't get this whole friends with benefits thing. It just seems like a big set up for a guy friend to have relationship sex without commitment while his girl friend ends up with sex and no relationship. So who actually benefits?"

"That's just the way young people do it now," they informed me. I did note that they didn't use the word "we do" or "I do" and I wasn't sure if that was because they don't believe it or they weren't trying to have me smack dab in their personal lives. So, naturally I pressed on. I won't reveal what I found out about my young adults and their sex lives, but I will say, that I am feeling better about their personal roles in this younger generation's insistence on taking the relationship aspect out of all things sexual.

So in an effort to protect their privacy, I'm only using excerpts from the conversation.

"I just don't get it because I don't think it has a chance in hell of really working 99.5 percent of the time," I said to them. "It takes a rare woman, at any age, who is secure enough in herself, sexually and otherwise, to be able to sustain a long-term sexual relationship with a friend. Sure a one night horn trimmer (I don't think I actually used this term), absolutely. Maybe even two, but 'hooking up' on the regular is damn near, scientifically impossible.

"Here's why," I school them. "When you have sex you release a cocktail of hormones including dopamine (the "I gotta have it" desire and reward hormone), serotonin and endorphins (the "happy" hormones)and oxytocin (the "cuddle" or bonding hormone). And I don't care how many water bottles full of vodka got them into bed, it's not enough to ward off what's happening in their brains, especially hers.

"When it comes to the science of love," I continued.

"Science of sex? Really?" my daughter said with the slightest tinge of embarrassed disgust to her voice.

"Yes, science. And I don't care if you did just graduate from high school, this is one science lesson you'll want to learn." Ignoring her eye rolling, I continued, "When you have an orgasm (note the cringing of their faces) you release oxytocin, which makes you want to cuddle and bond with the person. Now, the theory goes that the more a couple has sex, the closer they become."

"Well if that's true, then boys would feel closer too," my daughter suggested. And rightly so, bless her sweet, inexperienced heart.

"True, but men are wired to procreate so they and their testosterone levels," I began to explain but decided to stop and stick to the original subject. "But that's a whole different science lesson.

"So if it's true what you're saying that the boy friend will tend to hook up with more than one girl, while his girl friend will tend to hook up only with him, then she's just setting herself up for a case of unrequited love. Which leads me back to the original statement, who's actually benefits?"

Silence. With that question left in their heads, I figure my work is done and they depart, happy to get away from their mother trying to discuss what happens when they have orgasms. But I can't stop my mind from thinking about how in the good old days, friends with benefits meant you always had a supportive ear and a warm hug to turn to when you had a fight with your actual boyfriend. That your closet was mine and mine was yours. That I'd cover for you with your parents, and you'd cover for me with mine.

I can't help thinking that by trading casual sex for commitment, kids these days are cheating themselves in ways they will spend many years and lots of money in therapy to figure out. They aren't training themselves to be partners, husbands and wives, only selfish lovers. They've traded face-to-face intimacy for efficiency and real time words that aren't even words, but instead abbreviations and emoticons texts to express their feeling. Their intimate lives, emotional and physical, have little true intimacy. Romance is something they read about in books. And the fear of getting hurt stunts their ability to love before they've ever experienced it.

As my dad often says, "It's a damn shame."

Stiletto U Comes to the Learning Annex

Stiletto University is coming to The Learning Annex via Ustream on July 19th at 2:20pm. I'll be 'teaching' two quickie lessons (approximately 20 minutes). See below for class descriptions and then follow the link to Ustream to register for this PPV class. The best $0.99 you ever spent!

The Power of WOW: Tips to Unleashing the Confident, Sexy You July 19th 2:20-2:40pm.

Have you ever noticed that some people just seem to turn heads and get noticed where ever they go? Do you find your self wondering, “What do they have that you don't?” Well wonder no more. The Power of WOW will teach you the basic tenants of unearthing and unleashing that indefinable “it” factor that we all possess but most of us don't know how to access. From the bedroom to the boardroom and everywhere in between, the Power of WOW will teach you how to unearth and unleash your personal brand of WOW in order to live the life you desire.


Let Your Bad Girl Come Out to Play: How to Become Deliciously, Delightfully Scandalous July 19th, 3:00 PM - 3:20 PM ET

In her work as a sensuality coach, Lori Bryant Woolridge found that the number one wish of her students was to shed their good girl ways and add a little naughty to their nice. If you're wondering why your inner desires don't match your outer persona, and are dying to change but have no idea where to begin, I'll show you how to let your bad girl come out to play so you can become a lovely, lusty lady you want to be.

See you in class!