Tune in to Cocoa Mode for a WMS Tune Up

Want to know how to amp up your sensual arsenal to a nuclear level just in time for a red hot summer?

Then turn on Cocoa Mode with host Shawna Renee, Saturday, June 2 @1:00 pm on The Power, XM Channel 169

Back by popular demand, I'll will be in-studio for a roundtable discussion on sensuality and flirting. Shawna and I take your calls and give you tips on becoming the sultry and sensual woman you were meant to be.

Summer '07 is going to be HOT!

What I Learned from Carrie Bradshaw

Despite what many TV Watch groups think, you can learn a lot from TV--even when the show you're watching is, on the surface, about the fabulously, frivolous things in life--shoes, purses, cocktails--and always the men for good or bad, we love and lust after.

I don't think there are many WMS who haven't seen at least one episode of the pop culture classic, Sex in the City. That show was the program that gave the concept of being a woman who lives her own truth wings. It was our Star Trek, daring to go where no man had gone before to explore the female psyche.

Each one of those characters was flawed and fabulous, each had her own unique idea of what was right and wrong for her. Samantha wanted to be an full-out sex goddess, and she was. Charlotte wanted to be an uptown society wife, and she was. Miranda wanted to be it all--superlawyer/supermom, best friend, and she was. Carrie wanted to explore and discover and enjoy herself and her life as it unfolded, and she did. Each was sexy and interesting in her own way.

They each lived their personal version of life with no apologies. Oh sure, there were often consequences for some of their decisions--they got their hearts broken (and broke a few themselves)--but they weren't afraid of living and loving full out accepting the sunshine with the rain, the joy that was sometimes laced with pain. They were quintessential Weapons of Mass Seduction who were fearless and confident--even when they had to fake it until they make it.

Carrie was the one I most related to. Probably because she was a writer and loved shoes and kind of flew by the seat of her fancy pants. And when it came to men, she definitely did not have a type. Millionaire or carpenter, struggling novelist or world renown artist, Carrie went with the flow, falling in love with who was sexy and interesting to her at the moment. I saw myself in her struggles and her joy.

So, what should I have learned from Carrie Bradshaw and why am I even bringing up a show that hasn't filmed a new episode in years? Well, remember the episode when Carrie's hard drive died? She lost everything, all of her columns and other parts of her life that were chronicled on her computer. It killed her because, you see, for writers, our computers are the scrapbooks and journals of our lives. Photos, files, emotions, ideas, secrets--everything is stored there. That hard drive represents our livelihood, our passions, our loves, our past, present and future.

So like Carrie, I lost everything on my hard drive last Thursday, the day before my birthday. Like Carrie, I hadn't backed up my stuff (long story, too long to get into here). And like Carrie, I wrapped my baby up and took her to the computer doctor, who sadly informed me that they'd done all they could but everything was lost, including the latest version of my next book (good news, a friend had a copy and sent it to me!).

So, last week, I spent my birthday on Friday through the Memorial Day weekend, in a Silver Patron daze. I gave myself a combination pity/birthday party and refused to be upset by the fact that years of work and memories were lost. Then today I sobered up and tried to find the lesson behind this.

Here's what I came up with: The past is lost but I have every ability to build anew and create from scratch the next chapter of my life. Nothing is written in stone. I have a new hard drive in an existing body and with the wisdom and experience behind me, I am gifted with the thrill and excitement of writing my future.

So that's what I learned from Carrie Bradshaw from Sex in the City. Be fearless. Be fabulous and true to myself. Own my truth. Live my life. Love my loves, write the journey down and back that sucker up every which way I know how!

Maybe what you can learn from my experience and the SITC girls revolves around the idea of a new hard drive in an existing body. Sometime life through divorce, death, boredom, and/or personal growth forces you to wipe your slate clean. And all you can do is insert a new attitude into your life as it exists and proceed forward--fearless and confident (with your signature cocktail in hand, of course!).

What do you think?

Oh God, It's Bathing Suit Time Again

I'm depressed today. It happens every year around this time. I start making vacation plans, which always include water because I love the ocean and I love the feel of the sun on my skin. I start getting my little fun in the sun wardrobe together down and then it comes time to purchase the suit and that's when I get depressed.

Okay, I know. I'm supposed to be the motivational guru for being sexy in your own skin, but damn, I am only human. Sure, most of the year, I feel great and blessed to be me. I mean, I'm not perfect, my boobs may no longer be in the right place but my heart sure is. In a couple of weeks I'll be 49 and I do feel sexy and confident and zesty...most of the time. But not now because...

...it's bathing suit time again.

I thought I had licked this problem last year when I took a cruise by myself to work on my book. I was not there to play but to work and I promised myself that if I met my goal, I would take the day off at the end of the week and treat myself to a little sun and beach and jewelry buying in St. Maarten. So, each morning I would throw on my one piece and go out onto my balcony with my laptop and write, soaking up a few rays in private. And each afternoon I'd throw on my very cute cover up and kitten heels and go up on deck to get lunch and wade through a sea of bodies, many clad in itty bitty bikini's that well, I felt shouldn't be. I'd shake my head, giggle to myself and keep on struttin' smugly thinking that I was looking pretty cute after all.

Then about the fourth day of feeling hot and sweaty covering myself up on deck because my body wasn't 'perfect,' it dawned on me that these women were the one's that really had it going on. They were the ones having fun, enjoying the sun on their bare skin, not giving a damn who was looking or being judgemental (uh, that would be me). They were happy being who they were, where they were, looking the way they did. And I decided right then and there that the next day in St. Maarten, I was going to buy a bikini and liberate my tired, way too flabby ego.

And I did. I got off that ship and marched into town and bought the first bikini that fit (believe me, it wasn't the first or second or the sixteenth I tried on). I wanted it black, I mean even if it was only one quarter of a yard of material,black makes you look skinny, right? Well, the only one that fit happened to be bright red. Cherry-ain't-no-way-in-hell-you-ain't-going-to-be-noticed-now red. That's okay, I had a new attitude and I wore that bad boy out the store (under my sundress) and strut my cherry red behind right down to the beach. I disrobed and felt that lovely sun kissing my near naked body and ceased to give a damn about what anyone, especially me, thought about what I did or didn't look like. And you know what, I didn't care about what the other bodies around me looked like either (except for that one hunky, ripped Antonio Banderas looking guy a couple towels down).

I carried that liberated feeling and those sexy bikini tan lines with me for the rest of the summer and into the fall and winter. But here I am again back to the idiot idea of chasing a body image instead of being satisfied with my self-image. Why are we women so hard headed and so hard on ourselves? We will love everyone else around us with all their glorious flaws--everyone except ourselves.

Damn. I learned the lesson but have yet to mastered it. Maybe next summer.

Ah hell, let me put this chocolate down and go pull out that sucker right now. No time like the present to remind myself that sexy starts in your head, where it ends is what makes your body smile!

What do you think?

Ciao Bella!

I was a guest on a great show this weekend. Cocoa Mode on XM radio with Shawna Renee. If you haven't checked it out, please do. It's live and you'll laugh and learn a lot about a lot.

Shawna had me on as part of a show on traveling and asked me to discuss getting your flirt on in a foreign land. Sounds like hella fun to me! I love to travel and have filled my head with wonderful memories of the places and people from Malta,Morocco, Italy, France, Spain, Greece, Belize, Germany, Canada, the Caribbean, Mexico and Turkey just to name a few glorious spots in this world I've visited.

Let me begin by saying that every Weapon of Mass Seduction should have a passport, kept in a safe place, ready to pick up and dash off as the crosswinds of the world call to you. Seriously, you can't travel anywhere outside of the U.S. without one and what WMS wants her wings clipped over documentation? The world is too fabulous for you not to explore it, and you are far too fabulous not to share yourself with the world.

And can I tell you, once you begin to explore the world, not only will you have a better understanding and appreciation of the other folks who inhabit this planet, you will better understand that men are men are men, no matter what color their skin, no matter the sound of their language, no matter the food on their dinner table. And nearly every man (okay maybe not the Taliban) enjoys a woman who is confident, curious and makes them feel good about being themselves.

So if you're going to take your flirt game overseas (and I highly suggest at some point you do), know the social and religious customs of the country you're visiting. Some countries have very strict expectations of how foreign (female) visitors should dress and you should respect their religious beliefs and culture. But don't for a minute think you won't be noticed. In Istanbul, where women are expected to cover their legs and arms (no shorts or tank tops), fully clothed and not a high heel in sight, I was offered 40 camels as a marriage proposal! It's kind of scary when all I did was smile and say hello, but flattering all the same.

So how do you get your flirt on in a country where you may not speak the language? The same way you do here in the good old U.S.A. By knowing how to S.E.L.L. yourself.

Smile. It's your best flirting tool foreign or domestic. A smile translates in any language and let's the recipient know that you are open and friendly and approachable.

Eye contact/talk. Learn to look people you're interested in in the eyes and once contact is made, engage in a little eye talk to say all those things you don't know the words for and even if you did you'd feel too embarrassed to say. Let your eyes do the walking and talking and your face will translate. And while he won't know exactly what you're thinking, your intrigue levels will go up substantially and soon he'll be living to spend time in your gaze.

Listen. As with their English speaking counterparts, men from anywhere in the world are intrigued and attracted to women who listen and ask questions. In every country I have visited, nearly everybody knows some English and those who do are dying to practice with a pretty little tutor like yourself. And what better excuse to listen than to ask for a quick Italian/Spanish/Greek lesson of your own! And before you even touch down, know how a few basic, friendly words in the language of the country you are visiting. Find out how to say 'hello', 'goodnight', 'thank you' and 'you are welcome'. You'd be surprised how far those few words will get you.

Laugh. Again, laughter is part of the universal language of love and friendship. And like a genuine smile, authentic laughter melts away the 'ugly American' persona and makes you appear friendly, energetic and happy, and who wouldn't want to surround themselves with an interesting, mysterious foreigner like yourself?

Always remember, at home or overseas, flirting is a benevolent act. Stop trying to use it as a way to gain something from someone and start using it as a way to make the object of your desire feel good about himself. By doing so you will erase the fear of rejection that keeps you from being your charming self and see your success quotient--and your confidence--quickly rise.

Have fun this summer. See the world. Be charming. Be sexy. Be you!