Joys of Toys Part One A

I thought I'd add a few visual aids to go with Vanessa's question in part one of this post. Now because this is a family blog (meaning some members of my family do read this) I'd thought I'd spare my mother the anguish of knowing what's inside the wine gift box sitting on my vanity, and highlight toys you can leave right out on your dresser. By the way, those tall, cylindrical boxes make perfect storage containers that innocently fit into many decors. Sometimes hiding stuff in plain sight can be very effective, though if you have nosy little ones other options might be preferable.

So a few fun facts before the pictorial examples. As I said, 90 percent of women experience clitoral orgasms. Why? Here's a fun fact: the clitoris, the only organ in a woman's body that is strictly for pleasure, has some 8000 nerve endings (that's 4000 more than what guys are working with--good looking out, Mother Nature). For this reason, the vibrator is among the top of most girls' toy list. And the cool thing is that they come in a variety of shapes and sizes, intensity levels and are travel (and airport x-ray machine)friendly. Some are designed for bath and shower play, while some can be worn during the day to make people wonder what the hell you're smiling about. In other words--something for everyone.

Here are a few more. They might surprise you. And yes, they are all 'toys'.

The Joys of Toys Part One

This is a discussion that I've been wanting to do for a long time, ever since I attended a toy party one of my girlfriends hosted last year. It was an racially diverse group of women of various ages (mid-thirties to mid-fifties). Along with the wine and great snacks (none shaped like body parts, thankfully) we were able to peruse the offerings, which included a tame mix of vibrators, lubricants, lotions and potions and all the other sexual novelties you could imagine at your typical suburban soccer moms 'gone wild' gathering. As guests socialized while waiting for the 'big show' the air was heavy with a curious mix of uncomfortable silence and embarrassed giggles, which only grew heavier and more shrill as the sales pitch began.

Surprisingly enough, interest was tepid as we passed along sample products--warming lubricant, lotion to be used for underwater sex, anal lubricant (that got thrown along like the 800 pound hot potato in the room), dildos of various sizes and colors to match any bedroom decor, etc. But interest really picked up when the host got to the products that she pitched as items to increase his pleasure and "hasten things along" and "help make him achieve orgasm faster." It was like listening to an infomercial on cleaning products. Anything that came along that promised to lighten a wife's sexual workload and suddenly everyone was all ears.

I, on the other hand, was highly disappointed. All I kept thinking was, here we go again. Making sex solely about a man's pleasure and keeping women erroneously believing that toys and pleasure sleeves were all part of better performing her job as chief seductress and sex provider.

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you're a fequent reader of this blog, you know my position on the need for women to take charge of their own sexuality. And in my humble opinion, the sex toys and the joys they bring are first and foremost for YOUR personal enjoyment and self-education. At some point, of course, he can be invited to the party, but initally these party favors should be initally yours to enjoy.

Here are my top three reasons why adult toys can be important to a true Weapon of Mass Seduction.

1) Taking control of your sexual pleasure. In my workshops I talk a lot about OWNING IT...IT being your unshakable feminine confidence. And part of OWNING IT, is not waiting for or expecting anything or anyone else to be in charge of your happiness, and this includes your sexual happiness. Knowing and loving your body, how it reacts to various stimuli, what turns it on and off, and what brings you to orgasm is truly empowering. And toys allow you to make play dates with your deliciously, wicked bad girl. And while you initially may keep her under wraps, the more comfortable you become with her, the sooner you'll invite others to join in on the fun and games.

2) Tutoring your lover. Seriously, how can you teach a man to please you if you don't know how to please yourself? (listen up those of you out there who have been faking orgasms for years, and you know who you are) And yes, it's all about effectively communicating to him what blows your hair back because every woman is different and what worked with his last lover may leave you feeling cold and bored. And trust me on this ladies, one huge turn on for any man is a woman who knows her body and isn't afraid to pass that information along.

3) Keeping your mind and body wanting sex. I am a chocoholic and I know I'm not alone with my addiction. And as all of us Hersheyheads know, the more you have it the more you want it. The same applies to sex. Have noticed that the longer you go without it the less important it becomes to you? Don't doom yourself to sexual neutrality. Tuning yourself up in between lovemaking sessions keeps your heart and head in the game and an extra beni--your attitude is much more upbeat. Must be releasing all that stress!

So if you haven't already discovered the joys of toys, noodle the above around and consider introducing yourself. Also, check out MyPleasure.com and Goodvibrations.com to further your education. I love these sites because they take the time to educate their customers not only about their products but about sex in general.

Next time we'll talk about the wide variety of toys available. Until then, here's a question from Vanessa:

Q. I've never used a vibrator before and I'm interested in experimenting but truthfully, I find it really intimidating. Where do I begin?

A. Delving into the world of adult toys can be VERY intimidating. I know I was a little lukewarm for quite a while. How can you not be? At face value it can all look very seamy and depraved. Even a sexy soccer mom feels like a fish out of water when walking into a store who's inventory includes blow up sheep, love dolls, a plethora of beads, balls and boxes of who knows what that goes who knows where.

I'd suggest you do what I did and do a little on-line research (check for links on this page) as well as personal recommendations from your girls in the know. Luckily the Internet allows you complete anonymity and you can try out products to your heart's (or Suzy's) desire. Many sites also have staff recommendations as well as customers reviews that can be helpful.

In terms of what to try first, I'd say think about what you like and how you achieve orgasm. Keep in mind that 90% of women reach orgasm through clitoral stimulation so you might want to start with a vibrator, which come in every size and shape. Start there and expand your toy box as time and interest goes on.

Live Love

Happy Valentine's Day! I sincerely hope that this day is full of love and happy, wonderful feeling for all of you.

Today has been put aside for love and I hope you will use the opportunity to really and truly fall in love with yourselves. Let this be the beginning of your new 'love' year resolution to become the best lover you can possibly be.

Whenever I give a workshop, I ask people to raise their hand if they think they are good lovers. Of course nearly every woman in the room raises her hand, often with a nervous chuckle because hey, who doesn't want to believe that they can drop it like it's hot. But when I ask how many are great lovers outside the bedroom, with all their clothes and various body parts in their proper places, suddenly they're not so sure because if they were indeed good lovers, wouldn't they have a man? Wouldn't their marriages feel more intimate? Wouldn't they feel better about themselves?

In my writing classes, I tell students that much of the work of writing a novel comes way before you ever sit down to type the words, once upon a time. The same is true of creating a great love life. Much of the work of being a memorable lover begins way before you ever hit the sheets and it all begins with your attitude about love.

When it comes to love too many of us are satisfied simply experiencing love as a state of mind. We allow love to dwell in our hearts and heads and fuel this emotion with love songs, poems and romance novels. We extend our feelings to only those 'lovers' we deem acceptable and worthy--spouses, children, parents, siblings,friends--and exclude those who don't fit neatly into our heart-shaped box.

Expand your loving state of mind and make it your quest to exist in a loving state of being. Extend the boundaries of your acceptable 'lovers' and fill your world, not just your mind, with loving thoughts and actions. A smile, a thought, a good deed towards a stranger is a good way to start. Be a friend instead of a competitor. Accept and return a compliment with a genuine smile. Ask not what your lover can do for you, but what you can do for your lover!

The only way to receive love is to give it. The only way to be blessed with quality love is to offer quality love in return. You get back what you give.

LIVE love. And remember on this Valentine's Day, a day of self-pity and angst for many, it's not always about WHO you love, but rather DO you love.

What do you think?

Okay...I've exhausted politics and this holiday of hearts topic. Next week I'm going to tackle the subject of many emails I've received over the months...toys (you know what kind of toys!) So pull on your big girl panties, we have lots to discuss! Did you know they have one that looks like a lipstick? Stay tuned.

Why Participate? Because...

So go do your thing this primary season. And by all means, wear heels!

The Power and Politics of Charisma

We're in the middle of the most exciting political season this nation has experienced in a really long time and being the politico I am, I can't help but blog about some of my thoughts. And seeing that I am an advocate of owning and working what you've got this election gives me pause to talk about the one thing that may be the deciding factor in the 2008 presidential election--charisma.

Before I go on, let me clarify what charisma actually is. Charisma is not WHAT you are--your job or status--but WHO you are. Charisma is not simply about beauty, sex appeal and physical attraction. It's your own secret sauce that helps you connect emotionally, intellectually and even spiritually to others. Every man, woman and child has his or her own distinctive brand of 'star quality' and you don't have to be famous to use it to your best advantage.

Your personal charisma might be flashy or flamboyant. Maybe it's quiet and intoxicating or warm and witty. Once you identify yours and really own it, it can become one of your greatest assets when it comes to making friends and influencing people.

Charisma is one common quality shared by some of America's greatest leaders. FDR and JFK had it. Ronald Reagan and Bill Clinton too. Nixon, Ford, Carter, George H. Bush not so much. W has it, bless his soul, but stupidity and arrogance are never cute, so his charisma gets canceled out.

Which brings us to our current crop of presidential candidates. Hillary has it in abundance but doesn't seem to feel truly comfortable with her natural charisma and prefers to hide behind cold, no nonsense efficiency. John McCain, well when it comes to charisma he's like white toast--dry and bland. Mitt Romney has an air of charisma about him but his, like Hillary's, appears faux and forced. Mike Huckabee definitely has charisma and works it to his advantage to the dismay of McCain and the RNC. But no person in this campaign comes close to putting their God-given charisma to such successful use as the next President of the United States, Barack Hussein Obama.

Have you seen the man work a room? On television you get a sense of the excitement the anticipation of his appearance creates. It's like a Beatles, Jackson Five, Prince, Bruce Springsteen and Hannah Montana concert all rolled into one. In person, his power over the crowd is palpable. I had the privilege of attending a couple of fundraiser for Barack and he has perfected the art of making you feel like you are the only person in the room when he is talking to you. He's witty and charming, exudes confidence and his eye contact and genuine smile project strength. And can I tell you, when Barack unleashes that smile you can't help but smile in return and feel great. And as with any great charmer, making the other person feel good about themselves in your presence goes a long, long way in selling them on your ideas.

Both Hillary and Barack are intelligent and experienced and strongly believe in their policies and commitment to the country. But it's Barack's outstanding charisma, warmth and passion that enables him to challenge other people--people very different from himself--and sway them to his point of view.

In this race, one that is so very tight between two extremely capable candidates, I believe that the razor edge will be Barack's likeability, soulfulness and ability to connect to the hearts and minds of the electorate that will put him over the edge and into the White House.

Study and learn from charismatic people around you. And never underestimate the power of charm and your VOTE!

What do you think?

Yes We CAN

Watch...be awed...be inspired...be courageous...be pro-active...be involved...be courageous enough to believe YOU can...be sexy...vote!