Friday, February 22, 2008
The Joys of Toys Part One
This is a discussion that I've been wanting to do for a long time, ever since I attended a toy party one of my girlfriends hosted last year. It was an racially diverse group of women of various ages (mid-thirties to mid-fifties). Along with the wine and great snacks (none shaped like body parts, thankfully) we were able to peruse the offerings, which included a tame mix of vibrators, lubricants, lotions and potions and all the other sexual novelties you could imagine at your typical suburban soccer moms 'gone wild' gathering. As guests socialized while waiting for the 'big show' the air was heavy with a curious mix of uncomfortable silence and embarrassed giggles, which only grew heavier and more shrill as the sales pitch began.
Surprisingly enough, interest was tepid as we passed along sample products--warming lubricant, lotion to be used for underwater sex, anal lubricant (that got thrown along like the 800 pound hot potato in the room), dildos of various sizes and colors to match any bedroom decor, etc. But interest really picked up when the host got to the products that she pitched as items to increase his pleasure and "hasten things along" and "help make him achieve orgasm faster." It was like listening to an infomercial on cleaning products. Anything that came along that promised to lighten a wife's sexual workload and suddenly everyone was all ears.
I, on the other hand, was highly disappointed. All I kept thinking was, here we go again. Making sex solely about a man's pleasure and keeping women erroneously believing that toys and pleasure sleeves were all part of better performing her job as chief seductress and sex provider.
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you're a fequent reader of this blog, you know my position on the need for women to take charge of their own sexuality. And in my humble opinion, the sex toys and the joys they bring are first and foremost for YOUR personal enjoyment and self-education. At some point, of course, he can be invited to the party, but initally these party favors should be initally yours to enjoy.
Here are my top three reasons why adult toys can be important to a true Weapon of Mass Seduction.
1) Taking control of your sexual pleasure. In my workshops I talk a lot about OWNING IT...IT being your unshakable feminine confidence. And part of OWNING IT, is not waiting for or expecting anything or anyone else to be in charge of your happiness, and this includes your sexual happiness. Knowing and loving your body, how it reacts to various stimuli, what turns it on and off, and what brings you to orgasm is truly empowering. And toys allow you to make play dates with your deliciously, wicked bad girl. And while you initially may keep her under wraps, the more comfortable you become with her, the sooner you'll invite others to join in on the fun and games.
2) Tutoring your lover. Seriously, how can you teach a man to please you if you don't know how to please yourself? (listen up those of you out there who have been faking orgasms for years, and you know who you are) And yes, it's all about effectively communicating to him what blows your hair back because every woman is different and what worked with his last lover may leave you feeling cold and bored. And trust me on this ladies, one huge turn on for any man is a woman who knows her body and isn't afraid to pass that information along.
3) Keeping your mind and body wanting sex. I am a chocoholic and I know I'm not alone with my addiction. And as all of us Hersheyheads know, the more you have it the more you want it. The same applies to sex. Have noticed that the longer you go without it the less important it becomes to you? Don't doom yourself to sexual neutrality. Tuning yourself up in between lovemaking sessions keeps your heart and head in the game and an extra beni--your attitude is much more upbeat. Must be releasing all that stress!
So if you haven't already discovered the joys of toys, noodle the above around and consider introducing yourself. Also, check out MyPleasure.com and Goodvibrations.com to further your education. I love these sites because they take the time to educate their customers not only about their products but about sex in general.
Next time we'll talk about the wide variety of toys available. Until then, here's a question from Vanessa:
Q. I've never used a vibrator before and I'm interested in experimenting but truthfully, I find it really intimidating. Where do I begin?
A. Delving into the world of adult toys can be VERY intimidating. I know I was a little lukewarm for quite a while. How can you not be? At face value it can all look very seamy and depraved. Even a sexy soccer mom feels like a fish out of water when walking into a store who's inventory includes blow up sheep, love dolls, a plethora of beads, balls and boxes of who knows what that goes who knows where.
I'd suggest you do what I did and do a little on-line research (check for links on this page) as well as personal recommendations from your girls in the know. Luckily the Internet allows you complete anonymity and you can try out products to your heart's (or Suzy's) desire. Many sites also have staff recommendations as well as customers reviews that can be helpful.
In terms of what to try first, I'd say think about what you like and how you achieve orgasm. Keep in mind that 90% of women reach orgasm through clitoral stimulation so you might want to start with a vibrator, which come in every size and shape. Start there and expand your toy box as time and interest goes on.