This blog contains the opinions, musings and well-intentioned advice on sensuality, flirting and S.E.X. from Lori Bryant-Woolridge, bestselling author, sensuality coach, and founder of Stiletto U, a virtual university dedicated to teaching women how to be the empowered and sexy women they are meant to be. From the laundry room to the bedroom and everywhere in between, I'll explore the sensual, seductive side of life. Be charming. Be Sexy. Be YOU!
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Follow Up to Smart and Sexy
This was a comment about my last blog, left by "Analytical Annie"
"Interesting and timely comments I am curious and would love to know more about the comment below.
"Fall back on your good girl and let her innocence be your ticket to the smart and sexy new you. I don't know a man alive who can resist the request that he be the one to turn you out."
Why is it that "no man alive can resist"? What is it about innocence that men can't resist? Given that so much emphasis is placed on being experienced this is curious.
Well, 'Annie', thanks for the comment and here is my follow up.
First, don't confuse the word 'innocence' with 'disinterest','insecurity' or 'fear'. Just because a girl (and I mean a girl at any age) has a virtuous patina about her, does not mean that she still isn't curious, adventurous, eager and willing to add a few new moves to her sexual repertoire.
Secondly, don't let yourself be fooled by the societal emphasis placed on being experienced. True, we are no longer living in times where a man expects to marry a virgin, at the same time, times haven't changed that much that men are looking for a, hmmm, how can I put this, a girl with a headboard full of notches going for her. Yes, I will concede the point that most men want a seasoned woman, but seasoned does not mean sauteed, flipped, rolled, baked and fried!!
Based on my research, what men value more than experience is passion, energy, and confidence. Passion reserved for him. Passion that lets him know that there is no other man you could possibly desire at this particular moment. Energy displayed that lets him know that you are enjoying yourself being with him and that he is pleasing you. And the confidence to let him know what you like and dislike (so he can please you) as well as confidence in your own appearance and performance.
Women are so wrong thinking that all men are looking for porn star lovers. Now, don't get me wrong, most certainly would love to have the opportunity to experience such a night, but guess what? In the long run most are not interested in a long-term relationship with one. And don't ever underestimate a man's performance anxieties, despite whatever bravado they emit. The idea of having to please Nympho Nadine on the regular can be off putting to the common man!
And to go back the questions asked, there is absolutely nothing wrong with admitting to your lover that there is something you don't know or want to be better at when it comes to your sexual performance. When you combine your lovely innocent good girl, with a little bad girl tutoring from your man, naughty can be awfully nice!
What do you think?
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1 comment:
It appears we are tracking. It makes sense now. Let's see if this is on target.
Innocence is not so much a lack of knowledge or experience as it is a lack of being jaded by knowledge or experience.
Being a good girl is more about being honest and ringing true, not manipulative without ulterior motives - sincere - genuine.
Still being able to feel (rather than processing it in the head) and experience - deep feelings (passion) specifically for the man in question of course and energy or enthusiasm for what is happening and eager willingness to learn and experience more especially if he is teaching.
Being in the moment and feeling and expressing it from the heart and not processing it in your head.Having the confidence (freedom from doubt or fear) or unreserved ability, daring or courage to admit to wanting to learn what you do not know i.e. confidence in him as a man, lover and teacher.
Men like unreserved, unrestrained, enthusiasm, expressiveness - responsiveness a willingness to just let go and have fun and enjoy essentially play and sex - romance naughtiness is play for adults!
All of the above or various elements of this are what is irresistible to men because it makes them feel good and manly.
Now that makes sense - thanks!
Analytical Annie - out :)
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