Thursday, July 17, 2008

Q & A When To Trust My Nagging Voice


Q: Lori, 13 years ago I dated an up & coming politician, who I really liked, but the sex between us was awkward and stiff. He ended the relationship because he was "not ready for a family. Recently, he tracked me down through my mom, saying he regrets what happened. Long story short, we spent five days in Miami and had some of the absolutely best sex of my life--tantric, intense intimacy, hours of kissing. I felt so alive and vibrant.

Here's the issue: He is not available. He is separated from his wife, but I don't detect that it is over for them. Anyway, he seems quite smitten and would like to maintain contact. I am thinking that our week in Miami was my attempt to show him exactly what he walked away from, but I am still intrigued and very excited.

What think you???...throw caution to the wind, go with my feelings and allow the relationship to unfold? My nagging voice is saying I really just wanted revenge so should just walk away.

A: Wow! Sounds like you had a hot time in Miami! I'm thrilled that you are still feeling solidly sensual and owning yourself like never before.

I always say go with your intuition. I'm wondering if the thrill you are feeling is more about you really test driving the new, more confident Bella than a potential relationship. Was the sex amazing because you are now free to enjoy it on your own terms or because it was with him? My bet is that at this point, it is the former not the latter.

If your inner voice is actually nagging, it's guiding you towards truth. Let it go. Carry that scandalous feeling with you and keep yourself open to meeting a man who is available. And guess what? You have the right, and the obligation to yourself, to let him know that you don't play seconds. If he really is smitten, he'll get things straight at home (for himself not you) and approach you again able to discover and explore.

In full disclosure, Bella, is a former Stiletto U student.

1 comment:

blackwomenblowthetrumpet.blogspot.com said...

blackwomenblowthetrumpet.blogspot.com said...

Hello there!

The answer to the question is already in the question.

Every person KNOWS what his/her purpose is for desiring a relationship... if the purpose is fun and excitement then they will choose a person who is fun and exciting...

If the purpose is to have something of substance and to connect on a deeper level other than the primal passionate level...then they will choose a person who has a value system that matches most closely with their own...

It all depends on WHAT the objective is for partnering...

Many sistas will lie even to THEMSELVES...saying that they just want to have a nice time and that they don't want any commitment ....and when that man is taking all he can sexually and doesn't call or show up then she wants to complain...but she SAID to him from the start that she was just after some fun!!

Peace, blessings and DUNAMIS!
Lisa