Sunday, October 26, 2008

Owning It!

We all know somebody who we admire (and envy) not for her great body or amazing skin or to-die-for style or her ability to speak to anyone in the room. No, I'm talking about the friend or acquaintance who has the uncanny ability to say NO, and not lose one iota of her charm and magnetism or walk away steeping in guilt.

Traditionally, women have been raised to be accommodating and helpful to others. And a lot of us think that somehow saying "no" is rude, mean, or uncaring. But just because someone doesn't want to be told "no" doesn't make it a bad thing to say.

How much simpler and joyful our lives would be if we ceased trying to please others at the detriment of our own peace of soul and happiness. If we decided to not only accept ourselves in all of our perfect imperfection but to own ourselves with no apology or explanation.

Owning yourself is all about living the power and pleasure of your own truth. Determining for yourself what is proper and moral and right is truly sexy and honest and the most truthful way of living of all. As long as you are living the Universal truths of finding joy, doing no harm, giving and accepting love, combined with those religious beliefs that make you feel right with your God, you are owning IT and yourself in a right and proper way. And that's being scandalous in all the right ways!

The key to owning IT is to understand at your core that "being yourself can never be wrong." This is not to say that you are perfect or that you can't ever make mistakes or incorrect judgments. It is about realizing that even with all your flaws, you are still fundamentally a strong, beautiful being just as you are and that there is no room in a confidently sensual woman's life for making excuses for things she can not or chooses not to change because she understands that these are the things tht make her who she is.

So here are the basic steps towards self ownership:

1) Understand who you are at your core. We've been talking about this since the first blog entry as we sought to help you define your uniqueness through your core senses and personality traits. Knowing who you are enables you to embrace who you are instead of who you want to be.

2) Accept and get comfortable with yourself on this level. Accepting your core and being comfortable with it provides a solid foundation for you to build upon as you work to bring into balance the sides of you that exist but have not been fully realized. Body, mind and soul put yourself on the list of people you unconditionally love.

3) Make an effort on a daily basis to find ways to assert your self ownership. Even if it means starting by eliminating the words, "I'm sorry to bother you but" or agreeing to do something for someone you don't want to do or don't have time to do.

4) Set boundaries. Boundaries give you the emotional and physical space to be yourself without others telling you how to think, feel or act. It is vitally important to own your own voice and the right to speak up for yourself. Set up clearly defined limits for those you love (who can sometimes be the most difficult) and those you don’t, and recognize that denying yourself in an effort to please others, has the exact opposite effect. Ultimately, no one is pleased or happy.

Remember to know YOU, is to love YOU.

What do you think?

5 comments: said...

Hi! Im a few days late on this post but I actually just found it and I am REALLY glad I did. I must ask you this. My life has taken a 360 and I realized that the life I was previously living was in order to be safe. It was because I was afraid to step outside of the line. I must say that I am glad I did, but my situation is not as simple as before. Basically, I am struggling even more when attempting to figure out who I really am and who my "core" is.I would like to ask you what steps do I take or how do I figure out who my core is. I am confused about myself,who I am, my career, and what I want out of life. Am I having issues? Bipolar? or is this normal

Monique said...

This is a great post with great advice that everyone can use.

Anonymous said...

Nothing is impossible!

Columbia University

Anonymous said...

It's great to be great , but it's greater to be human.


Anonymous said...

Plain living and high thinking.