Intimate Engagements

So last night, one of my Unleash the Sensual You classes had a reunion at an inviting shop called Intimate Engagements in Montclair, New Jersey. It's a wonderful shop that is all about sensual pleasure and a far, far cry from the usual often sleazy toy shops.

The sensuality/sexuality on display was inspiring to say the least, and by the time I got there, these girls were stocking up on everything from love coupons to lipstick vibrators.

Two of my lovely ladies had fast approaching 'intimate engagements' with new lovers and they were stocking up on items that they thought would make their first evening together "special." We're talking four arms full of games, sex dice, eye masks, kiss coupons and fantasy cards.

Wow! Was my first reaction. "Let's chat," was what came out of my mouth.

Now, if you read this blog on the regular you know that I am a true believer in the joys of toys, but contrived and kitchy sex games, not so much. So, let me share with you the advice I gave to these two special women.

Yes, every woman wants to impress a new lover. It's human nature that we want to be seen as confident, hot, sexual goddesses, but the first time is not the time to pull out the overflowing toy box. First off, men too have performance anxieties when it comes to a new lover, and the idea that you have loaded up with a basketful of 'aides' may not go over the way you imagined. Also, you don't want to put a damper on a good time because the toy experiments fail or the Kama Sutra powder causes an asthma attack or flavored oil makes his lips swell. Get to know his natural, sexual preferences before you introduce handcuffs into the game.

You want to be confident and sexual but not contrived and unimaginative. Use things like kiss coupons and sexual fantasy games as inspiration. Find interesting ideas and present them as your own (hell yes that's allowed!) and then sit down at the computer to make up your own cute coupons and invitations. Effort is sexy! You get extra hottie points when a man knows you put in time and creativity on his behalf.

What really makes sex special with you is the fact that it is with YOU. The key to a 'special' first time is to be relaxed, confident, and turned on before you even say hello. Worry that everything about you and your surrounding is sensual and touchable and then be spontaneous and have fun. Don't worry about turning him out but rather turning each other on. I told them that laughter, joy and passion beat manufactured, instructions included sex anytime.

I told them to save the vibrators and other battery operated toys for the future when the novelty of a new lover had run its course and it was necessary to introduce a little innovation into the mix. Most of all, be yourself, I told them, because (say it with me now) being yourself can never be wrong and seduce yourself and (all together) let him be an afterthought.

Intimacy begins with you and him exploring and enjoying each other. Not you, him and a blow up sheep!

What do you think?