Monday, January 12, 2009

Redefining Sex

How do you define sex?

If you’re like most people, your definition probably includes begins and ends with the words, ‘intercourse’ and ‘orgasm.’ Well, ladies, I think it’s time we had a discussion about redefining sex beyond intercourse.

The clinical definition of sex is the one that most of us use to define our own ideas on what sex is. Clinically defined ‘intercourse’ is the penetration of a vagina with a penis, culminating with male ejaculation. This is very different from ‘sex,’ which includes all sexual techniques, big and small, designed to create and enhance intimacy and physical pleasure, whether or not orgasm is achieved.

Why is defining what sex is for yourself so important? Because when you do, each tender loving, erotic moment is still ‘sex’ and the wasted energy expended on anger and guilt for not 'putting out' is gone. By redefining the sex act, you are also training yourself and your lover that cuddling, kissing, petting etc. is all good and that there are times when ‘sex’ comes on your terms.

We women are so caught up in the erroneous perception that our role in the bedroom is that of sexual servant and partner pleaser that we have given up not only consideration for our own pleasure but also the incredible POWER that we possess but rarely, if ever, tap into.

This is an important lesson for women to learn from the gitgo because as life progresses and more life events occur i.e. marriage, children, menopause, and god-forbid, illness, managing your (and his) sexual desires and expectations becomes increasingly important.

What do you think?

2 comments:

The Insatiable One said...

I think initially we get some wrapped up in the Big O that we forget about the "oh's and ah's" of sex. As I gotten older foreplay has become much more important me, and oftentimes, I prefer it to actual intercourse. IT goes back to the whole intimacy thing; sex without intimacy is pointless. Sex with intimacy is a mind-blowing, earth-shattering experience.

Gettin' Girlie said...

Gettin' Girlie says,
I just hosted a seminar with sex and romance as feature topics. I agree that sex needs to be redefined. We as women have been socialized to believe it is taboo to talk about sex, let alone act on what we talk about, but how can you redefine it if you don't talk about it. I was surprised by the level of "uncomfortableness" there was but the audience was quite churched. I believe we need to be more open and that will definitely increase the enjoyment.