Five Tips for Great Sex

Check out my interview on lovingyou.com You'll find my five sensual, sensible, doable, and oh so enjoyable tips on on how add a little umph! to your love life. Let me know what you think! Happy loving!!

Redefining Sex

How do you define sex?

If you’re like most people, your definition probably includes begins and ends with the words, ‘intercourse’ and ‘orgasm.’ Well, ladies, I think it’s time we had a discussion about redefining sex beyond intercourse.

The clinical definition of sex is the one that most of us use to define our own ideas on what sex is. Clinically defined ‘intercourse’ is the penetration of a vagina with a penis, culminating with male ejaculation. This is very different from ‘sex,’ which includes all sexual techniques, big and small, designed to create and enhance intimacy and physical pleasure, whether or not orgasm is achieved.

Why is defining what sex is for yourself so important? Because when you do, each tender loving, erotic moment is still ‘sex’ and the wasted energy expended on anger and guilt for not 'putting out' is gone. By redefining the sex act, you are also training yourself and your lover that cuddling, kissing, petting etc. is all good and that there are times when ‘sex’ comes on your terms.

We women are so caught up in the erroneous perception that our role in the bedroom is that of sexual servant and partner pleaser that we have given up not only consideration for our own pleasure but also the incredible POWER that we possess but rarely, if ever, tap into.

This is an important lesson for women to learn from the gitgo because as life progresses and more life events occur i.e. marriage, children, menopause, and god-forbid, illness, managing your (and his) sexual desires and expectations becomes increasingly important.

What do you think?

Kiss Me, You Fool

Question: How much of a role does kissing play in your sex life?

Kissing is so important. It’s the way we begin our journey into sexuality and it will be the main attraction as we reach the end our our sex lives. Kissing is the most intimate of sex acts but unfortunately, it is the first thing that goes once we discover orgasms, and sex becomes more goal-oriented than intimate. A little forward thinking here: remember, the time will come when your body will lose its ability to be fully sexual but your lips--those lovely, luscious, sexy lips--will never let you down.

And even now in your prime sexual years, kissing helps you maintain a playful intimacy and is always the one thing you can say yes to even when your body, exhausted by child-rearing, work or pre-menstrual bloating, will always be up for.

Even if your kisser hasn't been getting the workout it deserves these past few years, worry not. You can be up to speed in no time. Just keep in mind:

To rediscover kissing, practice hard and often. The key is to start slow and explore. Experiment with pressure and touch not only to see how you like to kiss and be kissed (there's a series of kisses just right for you, Goldilocks!), but also use his mouth and your tongue to instruct him how you like to be kissed elsewhere on your body. This can be quite fun and will be instructive to both of you.

Great kissers know that it’s not about the lips or the technique as much as it is about the origin of a kiss. An amazing kiss comes from the heart and soul. Your mouth is merely the conduit that delivers the message of your mood, emotions and intent. An effective kiss really is like a passionate dance—whether it be a tango, or waltz or salsa—and by translating the music in your head through your lips, you are guaranteed to make your lover’s head spin!

Here's a little sumthin' sumthin' about kissing and being good with your mouth from the book: The Good Sex Guide.

"After the genitals, the lips are the most sensitive part of the body. They're stuffed with nerve endings and can give and receive hours of pleasure. The most obvious use of your mouth (other than eating and talking) is kissing. This popular pastime is used by most cultures as a greeting and sign of affection. But when lovers kiss, it takes on a whole new meaning. When couples first meet, kissing is often intense and provocative. But over time, it's often forgotten. Thankfully, it's something you can easily learn again."

Now from the same book, here are a few kisses to add to your repertoire.

French Kissing. The well-known favorite, where you use your tongue to explore your partner's lips and mouth. Start gently, and as they open up, gradually increase the depth and urgency of your exploration. (My note: Go by your preference. If you don't like deep, keep it shallow and enjoy the tongue play on lips and slightly inside. The 'ice cream cone lick" on closed lips, can be VERY effective.)

Nibble kisses: Very, very gently caress your partner's lips and tongue with little bites--but remember, gently.

Suction kisses, Gently suck on your partner's lower lip or tongue. (This is one of my favorites and can be VERY sexy without being messy.)

Chicken kisses: Gently peck your lover over and over again with tiny kisses.

Teasing kisses: Gently and teasingly kiss your partner on the cheeks, chin, eyelids, nose--in fact anywhere but the mouth. It will be only a matter of time before they pull you to their lips."

Might I add, don't forget that the entire body is covered with skin--your most sensitive body organ. So the combination of lips on skin, where ever it is, is a lovely So go forth and KISS. If you are able, spend this evening simply kissing, and just like when you were a teenager, do not allow yourself to go any further than lip to lip. Enjoy!