I saw this in O Magazine and thought it was definitely worth passing on.
“We settle for so-so sex because most of us don’t know how sexual we could be; we only know how sexual we are. How sexual we are has been shaped by decades of indoctrination by…family and friends, teachers, religious leaders and romantic partners, not to mention a society that worships a bewildering fusion of childlike sexual innocence and cynical, nilhilistic hedonism…So what is normal? It all depends on what is normal for you.”
Anita Clayton, MD with Robin Cantor-Cooke, in Satisfaction: Women, Sex, and the Quest for Intimacy (Ballentine)
Find your 'normal' and rock on!
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
#4 A Genuine Smile is Power
Okay, 'fess up while no body's looking. How often do you display EBS (evil bitch syndrome), probably without even meaning too? How many times has some man said hello or called out a compliment (not in a rude or obnoxious way but sincerely and appreciatively) and you've rolled your eyes, sucked your teeth, given him your "no you didn't" look, and kept on walking like he'd just said you had ashy ankles?
Come on. You know you've done it. I mean, why give him the time of day because after all, he is not the package you're looking for, especially because he's carrying the package you've been waiting for. He's not Mr. Right or even Mr. Right now. He's just a guy with his name on his shirt, who has the nerve to pay you a compliment. Bastard! What can Brown do for me? Not a damn thing!
I see women treat well meaning strangers this way time after time and then wonder why a good and attentive man is so damn hard to find, and don't understand why men think women can be so stuck up and full of 'tude. And again, most of us don't even realizing we're showing signs of EBS.
Okay, he may not be the one, but a true Weapon of Mass Seduction realizes that flattering comments from a man who just wants to let you know he recognizes quality when he sees it, is just another opportunity to practice letting loose her devastatingly genuine power smile and bask in some unexpected admiration.
Here's what flirt coach, Joey Clements has to say on the subject.
“We really don’t pay much attention to how much we don’t smile. And what’s most amazing about that is smiling is our most effective calling card; a free and easy spirit lifter; and a sure fire antidote to negative energy. A genuine smile is power. With it you can change another person’s entire mood and perspective."
You need to develop and practice your devastating grin so when the Mr. Damn! Schazaam! enters your orbit, EBS doesn't kick in by default. Smiles are like yawns--they're contagious. And a WMS wants to infect as many folks as possible. A smile makes you look friendly, confident and approachable and the other person feels more at ease. And if he’s feeling comfortable, he's bound to be more receptive and interested in you.
And remember the oh so important law of attraction: like energy attracts like energy. So if you insist on walking around breaking out in Evil Bitch Syndrome just because you can, expect to attract men with Nasty Attitude Complex, growling right back at you. You know what they say about birds of a feather...
Try this exercise: For the rest of this week pay constant attention to your facial
expression and practice smiling. If you’re waiting in the cashier line, smile. When you
pass strangers on the street, smile. Smile when you notice a beautiful flower or the clear
blue sky. Make it a habit and soon you will find yourself not only happier and more
persuasive but on the receiving end with greater frequency.
What do you think?
Next Entry: Being your Sensual Self.
Come on. You know you've done it. I mean, why give him the time of day because after all, he is not the package you're looking for, especially because he's carrying the package you've been waiting for. He's not Mr. Right or even Mr. Right now. He's just a guy with his name on his shirt, who has the nerve to pay you a compliment. Bastard! What can Brown do for me? Not a damn thing!
I see women treat well meaning strangers this way time after time and then wonder why a good and attentive man is so damn hard to find, and don't understand why men think women can be so stuck up and full of 'tude. And again, most of us don't even realizing we're showing signs of EBS.
Okay, he may not be the one, but a true Weapon of Mass Seduction realizes that flattering comments from a man who just wants to let you know he recognizes quality when he sees it, is just another opportunity to practice letting loose her devastatingly genuine power smile and bask in some unexpected admiration.
Here's what flirt coach, Joey Clements has to say on the subject.
“We really don’t pay much attention to how much we don’t smile. And what’s most amazing about that is smiling is our most effective calling card; a free and easy spirit lifter; and a sure fire antidote to negative energy. A genuine smile is power. With it you can change another person’s entire mood and perspective."
You need to develop and practice your devastating grin so when the Mr. Damn! Schazaam! enters your orbit, EBS doesn't kick in by default. Smiles are like yawns--they're contagious. And a WMS wants to infect as many folks as possible. A smile makes you look friendly, confident and approachable and the other person feels more at ease. And if he’s feeling comfortable, he's bound to be more receptive and interested in you.
And remember the oh so important law of attraction: like energy attracts like energy. So if you insist on walking around breaking out in Evil Bitch Syndrome just because you can, expect to attract men with Nasty Attitude Complex, growling right back at you. You know what they say about birds of a feather...
Try this exercise: For the rest of this week pay constant attention to your facial
expression and practice smiling. If you’re waiting in the cashier line, smile. When you
pass strangers on the street, smile. Smile when you notice a beautiful flower or the clear
blue sky. Make it a habit and soon you will find yourself not only happier and more
persuasive but on the receiving end with greater frequency.
What do you think?
Next Entry: Being your Sensual Self.
Friday, February 16, 2007
Valentines Day...A Rebuttle
I had to post this rebuttle from my dear friend and fellow Femme, author Carmen Green. I personally have a stomach ache and my nose hurts from laughing up coffee through my nose (you'll see why). I love the girl, but she's whacked out. Do you hear me? Whacked. She does make touring all the more interesting. I've also posted some of the comments about my post that appeared on Nina Foxx's (another Femme) blog. Enjoy and check out CarmenSays and the Vixen Chronicles and then if you still feel like reading mosey over to the Femme Fantastik Blog
WARNING: DO NOT CONSUME LIQUIDS WHILE READING THIS BLOG ENTRY.
Happy V-Day--Yeah Right
Good Valetine's Day to all my attached sista and brotha's friends. I'm really happy for you. I'm still single, but happy. Mhmm. Living my life like's it's Golden as Jill Scott said to do, Recognizing A Woman's Worth, per Alicia Keys, and yes, I heard Fantasia when she said, I Ain't Gon' Beg You, and realized I wasn't the woman in Good Mourning, by my girl India.Arie.
I don't have a man but I still felt the need for Valentine's Day presents. Since I watched the Montel Williams show earlier this month and LL Cool J was a guest, he said if you stay off your vice for 21 days you'll kick it, so I decided to kick candy. Okay, I've heard this before, but when LL tells you something and then licks his lips, well. . .I mean goodness, it's memorable.
So here's my confession: My name is Carmen and I'm a sugaraholic--cheap candy like Smarties and Swedish Fish are my weakness. It's been 11 days since my last fix. Yes, there are tears in my eyes. Withdrawl is a bitch!So anyway back to why I'm so bitter--ly happy for all of you coupled people. I believe in celebrating holidays sans a man, so I went out and bought myself a teddy bear, some cake mix and a flower. No, I wasn't using them all at the same time, but whatever to you pervs out there.
I came home, had a cupcake, threw the rest away, put on India.Arie and danced with my six inch bear with my flower in my hair. Then I decided to read my email. Who knows. Maybe someone saw me dancing and wanted me for a video. Even I'm laughing at that.
I have to say this first. I love my friends. I think they hate me. My sista-friend, in the trenches, need some hardcore advice givin', I will dial 911 really fast if a man in a bad wig is following you through Nordstrom's about to rob you, travelin' the world with you, dear Femme Fantastik friend Lori Bryant-Woolridge sends me some hater mail. Yes, dammit, I said it right, hater mail. I was shocked. My slim-fast bar fell from my mouth. What had I done to illicit mail that began,Weapons of Mass Seduction, Unleashing the Sensual You. It's kind of like the record Chante's Got a Man at Home.
What the Hell?? Don't brag **tch. The rest of us got bears, but we ain't singin about it!I looked at the bear and said, "You squeal that my orange polka pajama top and checkered blue bottoms don't match?" The bear fell over. Bastard.
Lori's note to me is below and once you read it, you will understand my replies. WMS Rules for Creating A Red Hot Night by Lori Bryant Woolridge'
Tis the season for creating Red Hot Nights for romance and I thought I'd pass on some red hot rules for sensual entertaining. Every Weapon of Mass Seduction knows that:
1) To Thine Own Self Be True. At the core of a truly sensual woman is confidence in her authentic self. The evening you create should be driven first by your own comfort and enjoyment.
Carmen's Rebuttal for the Single Sista's: To Thine Own Self Be True--plan for major orgasms alone. Clean all vibrators.
Lori- 2) Senses Rule. Every aspect of your special evening should be planned according to your senses. Every sight, sound, smell, taste and touch should be pleasurable.
Carmen's Rebuttal for the Single Sista's: Senses Rule-snap a pair of worn panties on your head. Intoxicating!
Lori-3) Anticipation is Everything. Stay one step ahead. Maintain the mystery and you'll surely maintain your lover's interest (and gratitude)!
Carmen's Rebuttal for the Single Sista's: Anticipation is Everything-The batteries don't hold enough charge for all night loving. Buy more! And stay one step ahead--lock the damn door. The kids don't need to see you smackin' your own ass.
Lori-4) Drown Yourself in Pleasure. Not libations or food. You will negate all of your hard work and pleasure if you allow yourself or your lover to drink or eat too much.
Carmen's Rebuttal for the Single Sista's: Drown Yourself in Pleasure-Don't shower and prove you got a lover to the haters at work. Just wear more perfume, baby.
Lori-5) Be Flexible. Anticipation will bring your evening alive. Expectations will kill it. Remember one of the joys of living a sensual life is living in the moment and reveling in life as it comes. Plan your evening and then see where it takes you.
Carmen's Rebuttal for the Single Sista's: Be Flexible-You got skills, use 'em. The knee over the belly fat orgasm, priceless!
Lori Says-A Red Hot Night is an amazing way to celebrate Valentines or a birthday or anniversary, but what makes a night like this really hot, is when it comes out of the blue for no reason other than to make your lover feel special.
Carmen's Rebuttal-Yeah, what the hell ever. Happy dag-on Valentine's Day.
WARNING: DO NOT CONSUME LIQUIDS WHILE READING THIS BLOG ENTRY.
Happy V-Day--Yeah Right
Good Valetine's Day to all my attached sista and brotha's friends. I'm really happy for you. I'm still single, but happy. Mhmm. Living my life like's it's Golden as Jill Scott said to do, Recognizing A Woman's Worth, per Alicia Keys, and yes, I heard Fantasia when she said, I Ain't Gon' Beg You, and realized I wasn't the woman in Good Mourning, by my girl India.Arie.
I don't have a man but I still felt the need for Valentine's Day presents. Since I watched the Montel Williams show earlier this month and LL Cool J was a guest, he said if you stay off your vice for 21 days you'll kick it, so I decided to kick candy. Okay, I've heard this before, but when LL tells you something and then licks his lips, well. . .I mean goodness, it's memorable.
So here's my confession: My name is Carmen and I'm a sugaraholic--cheap candy like Smarties and Swedish Fish are my weakness. It's been 11 days since my last fix. Yes, there are tears in my eyes. Withdrawl is a bitch!So anyway back to why I'm so bitter--ly happy for all of you coupled people. I believe in celebrating holidays sans a man, so I went out and bought myself a teddy bear, some cake mix and a flower. No, I wasn't using them all at the same time, but whatever to you pervs out there.
I came home, had a cupcake, threw the rest away, put on India.Arie and danced with my six inch bear with my flower in my hair. Then I decided to read my email. Who knows. Maybe someone saw me dancing and wanted me for a video. Even I'm laughing at that.
I have to say this first. I love my friends. I think they hate me. My sista-friend, in the trenches, need some hardcore advice givin', I will dial 911 really fast if a man in a bad wig is following you through Nordstrom's about to rob you, travelin' the world with you, dear Femme Fantastik friend Lori Bryant-Woolridge sends me some hater mail. Yes, dammit, I said it right, hater mail. I was shocked. My slim-fast bar fell from my mouth. What had I done to illicit mail that began,Weapons of Mass Seduction, Unleashing the Sensual You. It's kind of like the record Chante's Got a Man at Home.
What the Hell?? Don't brag **tch. The rest of us got bears, but we ain't singin about it!I looked at the bear and said, "You squeal that my orange polka pajama top and checkered blue bottoms don't match?" The bear fell over. Bastard.
Lori's note to me is below and once you read it, you will understand my replies. WMS Rules for Creating A Red Hot Night by Lori Bryant Woolridge'
Tis the season for creating Red Hot Nights for romance and I thought I'd pass on some red hot rules for sensual entertaining. Every Weapon of Mass Seduction knows that:
1) To Thine Own Self Be True. At the core of a truly sensual woman is confidence in her authentic self. The evening you create should be driven first by your own comfort and enjoyment.
Carmen's Rebuttal for the Single Sista's: To Thine Own Self Be True--plan for major orgasms alone. Clean all vibrators.
Lori- 2) Senses Rule. Every aspect of your special evening should be planned according to your senses. Every sight, sound, smell, taste and touch should be pleasurable.
Carmen's Rebuttal for the Single Sista's: Senses Rule-snap a pair of worn panties on your head. Intoxicating!
Lori-3) Anticipation is Everything. Stay one step ahead. Maintain the mystery and you'll surely maintain your lover's interest (and gratitude)!
Carmen's Rebuttal for the Single Sista's: Anticipation is Everything-The batteries don't hold enough charge for all night loving. Buy more! And stay one step ahead--lock the damn door. The kids don't need to see you smackin' your own ass.
Lori-4) Drown Yourself in Pleasure. Not libations or food. You will negate all of your hard work and pleasure if you allow yourself or your lover to drink or eat too much.
Carmen's Rebuttal for the Single Sista's: Drown Yourself in Pleasure-Don't shower and prove you got a lover to the haters at work. Just wear more perfume, baby.
Lori-5) Be Flexible. Anticipation will bring your evening alive. Expectations will kill it. Remember one of the joys of living a sensual life is living in the moment and reveling in life as it comes. Plan your evening and then see where it takes you.
Carmen's Rebuttal for the Single Sista's: Be Flexible-You got skills, use 'em. The knee over the belly fat orgasm, priceless!
Lori Says-A Red Hot Night is an amazing way to celebrate Valentines or a birthday or anniversary, but what makes a night like this really hot, is when it comes out of the blue for no reason other than to make your lover feel special.
Carmen's Rebuttal-Yeah, what the hell ever. Happy dag-on Valentine's Day.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Valentines Day Rules for A Red Hot Night
Tis the season for creating Red Hot Nights for romance and I thought I'd pass on some red hot rules for sensual entertaining. 1) To Thine Own Self Be True. At the core of a truly sensual woman is confidence in her authentic self. The evening you create should be driven first by your own comfort and enjoyment.
2) Senses Rule. Every aspect of your special evening should be planned according to your senses. Every sight, sound, smell, taste and touch should be pleasurable.
3) Anticipation is Everything. Stay one step ahead. Maintain the mystery and you'll surely maintain your lover's interest (and gratitude)!
4) Drown Yourself in Pleasure. Not libations or food. You will negate all of your hard work and pleasure if you allow yourself or your lover to drink or eat too much.
5) Be Flexible. Anticipation will bring your evening alive. Expectations will kill it. Remember one of the joys of living a sensual life is living in the moment and reveling in life as it comes. Plan your evening and then see where it takes you.
A Red Hot Night is an amazing way to celebrate Valentines or a birthday or anniversary, but what makes a night like this really hot, is when it comes out of the blue for no reason other than to make your lover feel special.
WMS advertisement: Learn how to 'host' a red hot night from invite to decadent dining ideas in Weapons Of Mass Seduction, A Novel to Unleash the Sensual You. It really is a how-to flirt manual in a novel.
Imagine...Happy Valentines Day
This poem was written by a good friend of mine. I thought it was a perfect love poem to share with you and hand copied on a beautiful, scented card, a beautiful poem to share with your loved one. Have a great Valentines Day and remember, love yourself.
Imagine
see me
but not with your eyes
touch me
but not with your hands
hear me
but not with sound
imagine the possibilities
if you let your soul be unbound
finding me
when I’m neither lost or found
can you imagine the possibilities
like me?
I imagine you to be
so into me
that you’re apart of me
allowing me
to be me
and my soul runs free
and impossibility becomes sweet reality
as I can feel you without being felt
smell your fragrance without any scent
taste you without you ever present
and when you are next to me
you’re even that much more delicious
when you speak
the words I love you
are written within my palms
and when your heart beats
it sweetly speaks a rhythm
that sings love psalms
when I imagine the possibilities
your left eye is my sun
while your right eye is my moon
and when you look at me
I’m living within love’s eclipse
surrounded by soft touches, wet kisses
and eternal bliss
Ted Bell
Imagine
see me
but not with your eyes
touch me
but not with your hands
hear me
but not with sound
imagine the possibilities
if you let your soul be unbound
finding me
when I’m neither lost or found
can you imagine the possibilities
like me?
I imagine you to be
so into me
that you’re apart of me
allowing me
to be me
and my soul runs free
and impossibility becomes sweet reality
as I can feel you without being felt
smell your fragrance without any scent
taste you without you ever present
and when you are next to me
you’re even that much more delicious
when you speak
the words I love you
are written within my palms
and when your heart beats
it sweetly speaks a rhythm
that sings love psalms
when I imagine the possibilities
your left eye is my sun
while your right eye is my moon
and when you look at me
I’m living within love’s eclipse
surrounded by soft touches, wet kisses
and eternal bliss
Ted Bell
Monday, February 12, 2007
#3 Your Signature Style
Sometimes, it’s the small and very personal things—shoes, jewelry or fragrance—that make you feel sensually unique and become lingering clues to your inimitable personality.
Every sensual weapon of mass seduction should have their own personal style. Know yours and dress and accessorize to express it. This includes everything from a signature piece of jewelry to your signature cocktail.
Here are a few steps to get you started.
1) Know your body as it is, not as you wish it were. Not like you imagine to be, and not how you intend it to be in the future (I still have an entire section of my closet full of stuff I’m going to get into). Understand your best attributes (those great eyes or sexy shoulders or slamming legs) because those are the things you’re going to dress to highlight. Just as important, know your ‘perceived” body flaws. Every woman’s got them, whether it’s cellulite, flabby arms, a minuscule bust or saddle bag thighs. I say perceived because if your body met the current beauty standards, you’d look like a twelve year-old boy naked and what’s so damn perfect about that. We’re women. We’re supposed to be curvy and swervy and soft.
3) Next take a quiet Friday night or Saturday afternoon and sit down with a stack of fashion magazine and catalogues. I’d avoid Vogue and all the high-fashion tomes because who really wants to strut around the streets wearing thick black lines under their eyes and a birdcage on their head. (Ladies, there’s a difference between personal style and crazy lady style) No, the more you can look at real women in real clothes the better. Tear out all the outfits that catch your eye. What you’ll find is that there is a certain look that you are drawn to. Now define that look for yourself in your own words. Is your preferred look elegant and tailored? Maybe funky but elegant. Feminine and sweet? Are you drawn to bold color or muted tones? Do you like classic looks or trendy pieces.
Discover the look you like and then head out to the stores and begin pulling similar looks in styles that flatter and highlight your positives and camouflage your negatives.
4) Find accessories that are unique and say YOU. I love high heels, shawls and wraps (it's the drama they create) and interesting evening bags (my favorite--a $5 coconut shell). And don't be afraid to wear them in ways other than intended. I have no problem wearing a necklace as a belt or visa versa. I love to create charm bracelets because they are unique to me and always catch people’s attention. They’ve become my signature piece of jewelry and whether it’s just one charm or a jingling bracelet of several I nearly always have one on. And damn it, I feel charming wearing them.
And don’t be afraid to extend this to your social style. Why be just another women sitting at a bar sipping a pink cocktail. Scour the bartender books and find a drink that becomes your distinctive version of ‘the usual.’
5) Every WMS should own at least one pair of CFM shoes. Nothing can make you look sexier than a great pair of heels or less sexy than a matronly pair of Aerosoles. Even if you can’t walk in stilettos, find a great, sexy pair of kitten heels in which to strut your stuff.
Your clothes, shoes and accessories all should all work together to tell the world that you are a woman to be noticed and admired, and most importantly should make you feel great about being you every time you step out because that's when a true WMS shines.
What do you think?
Next entry: Your WMS Smile
Every sensual weapon of mass seduction should have their own personal style. Know yours and dress and accessorize to express it. This includes everything from a signature piece of jewelry to your signature cocktail.
Here are a few steps to get you started.
1) Know your body as it is, not as you wish it were. Not like you imagine to be, and not how you intend it to be in the future (I still have an entire section of my closet full of stuff I’m going to get into). Understand your best attributes (those great eyes or sexy shoulders or slamming legs) because those are the things you’re going to dress to highlight. Just as important, know your ‘perceived” body flaws. Every woman’s got them, whether it’s cellulite, flabby arms, a minuscule bust or saddle bag thighs. I say perceived because if your body met the current beauty standards, you’d look like a twelve year-old boy naked and what’s so damn perfect about that. We’re women. We’re supposed to be curvy and swervy and soft.
3) Next take a quiet Friday night or Saturday afternoon and sit down with a stack of fashion magazine and catalogues. I’d avoid Vogue and all the high-fashion tomes because who really wants to strut around the streets wearing thick black lines under their eyes and a birdcage on their head. (Ladies, there’s a difference between personal style and crazy lady style) No, the more you can look at real women in real clothes the better. Tear out all the outfits that catch your eye. What you’ll find is that there is a certain look that you are drawn to. Now define that look for yourself in your own words. Is your preferred look elegant and tailored? Maybe funky but elegant. Feminine and sweet? Are you drawn to bold color or muted tones? Do you like classic looks or trendy pieces.
Discover the look you like and then head out to the stores and begin pulling similar looks in styles that flatter and highlight your positives and camouflage your negatives.
4) Find accessories that are unique and say YOU. I love high heels, shawls and wraps (it's the drama they create) and interesting evening bags (my favorite--a $5 coconut shell). And don't be afraid to wear them in ways other than intended. I have no problem wearing a necklace as a belt or visa versa. I love to create charm bracelets because they are unique to me and always catch people’s attention. They’ve become my signature piece of jewelry and whether it’s just one charm or a jingling bracelet of several I nearly always have one on. And damn it, I feel charming wearing them.
And don’t be afraid to extend this to your social style. Why be just another women sitting at a bar sipping a pink cocktail. Scour the bartender books and find a drink that becomes your distinctive version of ‘the usual.’
5) Every WMS should own at least one pair of CFM shoes. Nothing can make you look sexier than a great pair of heels or less sexy than a matronly pair of Aerosoles. Even if you can’t walk in stilettos, find a great, sexy pair of kitten heels in which to strut your stuff.
Your clothes, shoes and accessories all should all work together to tell the world that you are a woman to be noticed and admired, and most importantly should make you feel great about being you every time you step out because that's when a true WMS shines.
What do you think?
Next entry: Your WMS Smile
Saturday, February 3, 2007
We Interrupt Our Scheduled Programming...
FOR SOME AMAZING NEWS!
Please excuse me while I do my happy dance! "GO Lori, GO Lori!" Okay. I've just learned that the release date for Weapons of Mass Seduction has been moved up to April 17th. Why? I can't tell you the reason yet, but it's great, amazing, huge news. I'll let you know as soon as I am able, but this early release means you'll be able to greet the summer as a the sensual flirty new you. Summer vacation will never be the same! Stay tuned...
Please excuse me while I do my happy dance! "GO Lori, GO Lori!" Okay. I've just learned that the release date for Weapons of Mass Seduction has been moved up to April 17th. Why? I can't tell you the reason yet, but it's great, amazing, huge news. I'll let you know as soon as I am able, but this early release means you'll be able to greet the summer as a the sensual flirty new you. Summer vacation will never be the same! Stay tuned...
So I promise this week, I'll finish up that list of five things every WMS have, but right now I gotta dance!
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