Monday, November 26, 2007
"Laughter and Orgasm are Great Bedfellows"
So says John Callahan. And I must concur.
When and why did sex become so dang serious?
In our quest to boink like porn stars, we've lost one of the great pleasures that come with intimate sex--fun! Technique, appearance and the age-old search for multiple orgasms has made sex so goal-oriented and pressure-packed that instead of being the 'freaks' we envision, we've simply freaked ourselves out. Pressure to be the sexual bomb has us faking orgasm and becoming novelty acts instead of authentically sexual, sensual beings.
Loosen up and start having fun again with sex. Be playful. Stop thinking you have to blow his mind everytime you take off your clothes. True, sometimes sex is raw and passionate. Or it can be quick and intense. Or soft and loving. But sex should also be spontaneous and delightful. It should include laughter and joy and not be so serious that you're afraid of making mistakes or not pleasing your lover.
Fun sex leads to adventurous sex. Share your fantasies, take risks, be creative and shake things up a bit. Fun sex is about learning new tricks and experimenting and knowing that failed attempts at experimental acts (okay, maybe that whole sex underwater wasn't such a great idea)should be met with giggles and kisses, not embarrassment and scorn.
Playful sex also strengthens your intimate ties. Taking away the pressure of performance allows you to feel safer and more secure in your relationship, which ultimately allows you to open up and communicate about how you feel and what you want in bed.
As time marches on, great intimacy will ultimately trump great sex, and great intimacy is built upon a foundation of loving delight and joy and laughter, not 'ooh, ooh, baby, let me tap that ass one more again."
So lighten up. Literally, it's not that big a f'ing deal!