Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas!

I had so many ideas to blog about this holiday season...Naughty or Nice...Sensual Gifts for Friends and Lovers...Rediscovering the Gift of Simple Innocence, but alas,time has slipped away and I find myself with just enough time at my computer to wish you all a very Merry Christmas. I wish you love and peace of soul this holiday season. Live sensually. Love hard!

Intimate Engagements

So last night, one of my Unleash the Sensual You classes had a reunion at an inviting shop called Intimate Engagements in Montclair, New Jersey. It's a wonderful shop that is all about sensual pleasure and a far, far cry from the usual often sleazy toy shops.

The sensuality/sexuality on display was inspiring to say the least, and by the time I got there, these girls were stocking up on everything from love coupons to lipstick vibrators.

Two of my lovely ladies had fast approaching 'intimate engagements' with new lovers and they were stocking up on items that they thought would make their first evening together "special." We're talking four arms full of games, sex dice, eye masks, kiss coupons and fantasy cards.

Wow! Was my first reaction. "Let's chat," was what came out of my mouth.

Now, if you read this blog on the regular you know that I am a true believer in the joys of toys, but contrived and kitchy sex games, not so much. So, let me share with you the advice I gave to these two special women.

Yes, every woman wants to impress a new lover. It's human nature that we want to be seen as confident, hot, sexual goddesses, but the first time is not the time to pull out the overflowing toy box. First off, men too have performance anxieties when it comes to a new lover, and the idea that you have loaded up with a basketful of 'aides' may not go over the way you imagined. Also, you don't want to put a damper on a good time because the toy experiments fail or the Kama Sutra powder causes an asthma attack or flavored oil makes his lips swell. Get to know his natural, sexual preferences before you introduce handcuffs into the game.

You want to be confident and sexual but not contrived and unimaginative. Use things like kiss coupons and sexual fantasy games as inspiration. Find interesting ideas and present them as your own (hell yes that's allowed!) and then sit down at the computer to make up your own cute coupons and invitations. Effort is sexy! You get extra hottie points when a man knows you put in time and creativity on his behalf.

What really makes sex special with you is the fact that it is with YOU. The key to a 'special' first time is to be relaxed, confident, and turned on before you even say hello. Worry that everything about you and your surrounding is sensual and touchable and then be spontaneous and have fun. Don't worry about turning him out but rather turning each other on. I told them that laughter, joy and passion beat manufactured, instructions included sex anytime.

I told them to save the vibrators and other battery operated toys for the future when the novelty of a new lover had run its course and it was necessary to introduce a little innovation into the mix. Most of all, be yourself, I told them, because (say it with me now) being yourself can never be wrong and seduce yourself and (all together) let him be an afterthought.

Intimacy begins with you and him exploring and enjoying each other. Not you, him and a blow up sheep!

What do you think?

Tis the Season for Sensuality

I am not going to lie. Two days ago there were twenty-three days left before Christmas, and I was feeling a little like Scrooge. Okay, A LOT like Scrooge.

And why wouldn't I? Like everyone else in the country, I'm walking around with the ghost of damn these holidays trailing behind me. Money is tight and looks like will only get tighter. Another year has come and gone and I still can't fit into my favorite, go-to LBD, plus my current diet supplements of pumpkin bread slathered in cream cheese and washed down with the cocktail du jour don't seem to be helping. My back is claiming its age and my everlasting wanderlust has been doused with a big fat reality check--the only check I've seen in weeks. Also the kids have written their annual Santa list (even though they are 19 and 15, I refuse to let them call it anything else!) and teenagers or not, you don't want to disappoint the little ones at Christmas. And I haven't even begun to list my brothers and sisters, their kids, my godkids and friends.

Happy holidays, my too big to get into my fav dress ass!!

(Pause for my private pity party...Bitchandmoanbitchandmoanbitchandmoan...)

But then I got a sensory reminder that has changed my entire attitude. See, what had happen was, I went to Bed Bath and Beyond armed in search of a mattress topper to aid my ailing back. Believe me, I was looking right ugly and feeling mean as the frickin' Grinch and did not give one damn. And as Cedric the Entertainer pointed out, I wished somebody would jump in front of me in line or do something equally stupid. I simply wanted to get in and out and back home before the Motrin wore off. But as soon as I walked through the sliding doors everything changed. My nostrils were welcomed with the wonderfully delicious smell of cinnamon scented pine cones. The smell literally stopped me in my tracks and with each yummy inhale I started to feel more centered and calm.

As holiday shoppers swirled around me, I stood in the middle of the aisle with my eyes closed shut and my nose open wide as smile producing memories came flooding into my mind. Taking the kids to chop down the Christmas tree. Watching the delight in their eyes as the lights went on and gave the room a soft cheery glow. Putting together toys in front of the roaring fireplace. Unwrapping each ornament and decorating the tree. Smelling the fresh pine scent and feeling the lush fir tickle my arms. The carols piped in throughout the store just added to the ambiance and before I knew it, I was smiling and actually feeling uplifted and joyful.

One big whiff and suddenly I felt all merry and bright. I mean, I still looked like a homeless woman, but now felt like a Christmas angel. I drifted through the aisles, humming the tune to Star Bright, and found my mattress pad. Then I moseyed over and picked up a couple of bags of pine cones, helped a lady in line in front of me on with her coat, who in turn gifted me with a 20% off coupon.

All this to say that once again living through my senses pulled me out of my bah humbug mood, changed my energy and gifted me to boot! And I offer you the same advice. This year has the potential to be a really hard and depressing holiday season if you allow the pressing forces outside to squeeze the joy you possess inside. Surround yourself with all the sounds, scents, tastes, sights, and textures of the season and make yourself and your family happy by treating them to the simple pleasures that really do make us feel alive and joyful.

What do you think?

November Poll Results...Compliments

Here are the poll results for November. The question was about your ability to give and receive compliments.

54% said compliments were easy to receive and believe.

30% said compliments were difficult to receive and believe.

33% said compliments were easy to give.

3% said compliments were difficult to give.

So let me compliment the more than half of you who are living an all around complimentary life. Excellent work ladies! And also kudos to you who were happy to notice something nice about someone and comment on it.

I asked this because in a recent Unleash the Sensual You workshop I gave, I asked each woman in the workshop to stand in the middle of the circle while the others in the group gave her a compliment. You would have thought I said stand there so we could throw rocks at your head! Instead of hearing and internalizing the amazing things that stood out about them to strangers, most shut down and were visibly uncomfortable. They stood there squirming and fidgeting and screwing up their faces, wanting it to be over.

I had to ask, "So when a man comes over and says you have a great smile and you do that with your face, you are surprised that he doesn't follow through?"

If you take the time to listen, you will find that people--friends and strangers--are gifting you all the time, revealing what is unique and special about you. If you allow yourself to believe, you will find that these compliments become the cornerstone of your self-confidence.

Listen. Learn. And rejoice in your own wonderfulness!

What do you think?