Take February 14th Back Part Two

Okay, single ladies, hopefully you're well on your way to planning an extra special I LOVE ME extravaganza for yourself this Valentine's Day. And while you may pick up a few tips for your own party, this entry is for women with lovers who might be feeling lost and uninspired for a variety of reasons.

As I said in Part One of this post, Valentine's Day can feel pressure-packed with the need to perform or even out perform past celebrations. The problem I always had was that just because the calendar said I was supposed to feel warm and loving and super sexy on said day, my mind and body didn't always cooperate. The reasons ranged from PMS (premenstrual syndrome) to LOF (lack of finances) to IYCPUYDWSISYM (If you can't pick up your draws, why should I show you mine). And even when the stars aligned and I was feeling loving and wanting to show that desire, time and kids were always an issue. So here are my top five tips to help you take the pressure off.


1. Plan a sexy evening designed to showcase the sensual you. In other words, make this a night about your pleasure. I know this sounds selfish but it's really not. I'm in no way suggesting that you don't incorporate his needs and desires into the evening, but as I always say, first seduce yourself and let him be an afterthought. Believe me this is one time a man is happy with the crumbs! He will happily reap the benefit of your arousal. Refer to the Start Lovin' Yourself tip in Part One for tips on getting yourself in the mood.

2. Pick a theme. If you've ever given a kid's birthday party, you already recognize how much easier the planning becomes when you pick a theme and let everything--from invitation to menu to throughout the day reminders--revolve around it. Some theme ideas include: Martini/Champagne and Pearls; Passion Picnic; Bubbles and Blindfolds; Limousine of Love. See already your mind is churning with the possibilities. And they don't have to be that grandiose either. Dinner and A Movie works just fine too. The key to success here is to make sure that the mood, presentation and mind-set are all tailored to fit you and your lover's sensibilities.

3. Don't recreate the wheel. Anyone who knows me,knows that I am all about the presentation. I don't particularly like to cook but I have made it my mission to find the best of the best pre-packaged/cooked delicacies and then personalize them. For example. My family loves Mrs. Smith's apple pies. I buy those suckers, take them out of the foil tin and put them in a glass pie plate. I then take extra dough (straight from the refrigerator case, of course) a cookie cutter and precede to hide the pre-fab edges and decorate that bad boy into a work of art that I am proud to put on my table or anyone else's. It becomes my apple pie, even though Mrs. Smith did all the kitchen duty. I'm the same way about sensual entertaining.

Our perceived lack of creativity (or lack of time and money) often stops us from doing a lot of things we'd like to do. Don't feel the need to recreate the wheel. Use someone else's creative ideas to fuel your own. For example: Take the book 101 Grrreat Nights, the one that you tear a suggested seduction out of the book and give it to your partner. Make it your own by picking a scenario that appeals to you, adding your personal twist to it and re-writing it by hand. Now it's cute and personal and it's become your idea not some author's. Plus you still get 1000 extra points for effort. So whether sentiment or sustenance, make your own sensual pie out of someone else's apples.

4. Don’t be tied to the calendar. Plan for a time when your evening can be successful. Let an amazing invitation be your gift on Feb. 14 for an evening yet to come--one that falls on a more convenient day for both of you. You can do this finding or making a handmade invitation that creates a wonderful sense of anticipation and sets the mood for what's to come. Make sure the delivery is just as special!

5. Give gifts from the heart. Gift giving can be tricky largely because Valentine's Day falls so soon after Christmas (and the Xmas bills) and because the holiday related stuff in the stores can be really corny. A great source for unique gifts from sentimental to sexy, is Red Envelope. You can get everything from a pendant engraved with a secret message to a Mile High kit. The merchandise and packaging are both beautiful and classy.

I'd like to suggest you give a gift that keeps on giving and works on your relationship all year, not just this special day. A weekly make out session (sex not included!) Quarterly overnight pajama parties (kids not included). An bi-annual love connection getaway (definitely no kids). A monthly love letter.

Presents from the heart that have meaning and work towards lasting love and intimacy are the most romantic gifts of all.

What do you think?

PS. You can find tips on planning a Red Hot Night in chapter eleven in Weapons of Mass Seduction. There's also a test in the back of the book to help you determine you and your partner's sensual tastes. If you're really stuck for ideas, email me at mass.seduction@yahoo.com and I'll try to help.

Stiletto U Winter Registration Closed

Registration for the winter session of Stiletto University is now closed. We have a great class of ladies on their way to becoming the fabulous, confident women they were born to be.

The spring session will begin in April. If you'd like to enroll or would like more information, please email stilettou@yahoo.com.

Until then, remember the wise words of Albert Camus, "Charm is a way of getting the answer yes without having asked any clear question."

Take February 14th Back

Valentine’s Day is a lot more pressure-packed than most women care to admit. If you’re single and dateless, it becomes yet another depressing reminder that you’re alone. If you’re married and have been for years, the monotony of familiarity raises its ugly head and the pressure to take the old and make it new and sexy and exciting can be intimidating. Then there's the age old worry about the 'gift' and what it says about the state of your relationship.

Like I said, way too much pressure. Enough pressure that I'm going to devote the next few entries to Cupid's little holiday in hopes of helping you take ownership of the day and get that little winged baby off your back.

So single ladies...this one's for you. It’s time to take Valentine’s Day back! Celebrating the lover in you is just as important, just as legitimate, and can be just as enticing as celebrating the lover next to you. Here are a few tips to get you started.

1. Stop hatin' others. This applies to friends who have lovers; your ex who dropped you via email right after New Years; all the employees of Hallmark, Whitman Candies and 1-800-flowers combined; and most importantly YOURSELF for feeling like less of a woman because some florist association decided to pick February 14th as the one day of the year to cash in, and then picked a fat baby with wings and a bow and arrow as it's mascot, all without regard to how women without a significant other might feel (okay, I don't know the above to be fact but it sure feels that way and seems like a perfectly legitimate explanation).

2. Start lovin' yourself. Treat yourself to five star lover treatment. Get up in the morning and put on your sexiest draws and most flattering outfit. Get your hair done and make sure your makeup is flawless. Feel good about the lover in you all day. That evening, pull out all your treats from your sensual trick bag--the candles, champagne, rose petal bath--and let the one person you tell the least, know that you love her the most. Make special plans for yourself, complete with a gift (jewelry is always a good idea), just as you would the great love of your life. Because after all, aren't you? If not, you should be.

3. Start spreadin' the love. You know the sayings, 'you get back what you give', 'what goes around, comes around', 'like energy attracts like energy'. Let your Valentine's Day gift to others be a genuine smile and kind word to everyone you meet. Not only will you feel happier and great about yourself, you'll feel the love returned.

The true tragedy surrounding this holiday of hearts is that it forces you to pour all your attention and energy into one day when every day (or at least every other Tuesday) should be a holiday about sharing your heart and body with someone you love--especially when that someone is you.

What do you think?

Magazine Mania

As promised, here are the magazines I currently read and/or subscribe to. These are the tomes that I luxuriate over and generally read cover-to-cover. This of course means that I have magazines stacked up and waiting to be read. I read and rip out the interesting stories and photos. They all go in a file. Unfortunately the files are still on my office floor but that's a different blog.

I read each one for a variety of reasons--to learn and grow, to stay current, for story and character ideas, to keep up with trends, to escape, to dream (thus my obsession with Departures Magazine).

My absolute favorite magazine is Vanity Fair. It combines everything that I think makes a woman sexy--current affairs, politics, fashion, celebrity and great articles. O Magazine always makes me think about myself from the inside out and More is helping me cope with the fact that I am turning 50 this year. I need a little advice about menopause with my best sex ever articles.

I also love Esquire because it keeps me in touch with the male mind. I love their monthly feature called, Ten Things You Didn't Know About Women. They interview celebrity women telling men what we really think about them and whe erroneous things they think about us. Funny!!! If you excuse the sultry, women as objects covers (I mean it is a men's magazine) there's a lot of gold to be mined between the pages. Lots of stuff that can be used when you're making interesting, smart conversation. I mean, where else will you find out if his stripped shirt and flower tie are fashion forward or simply a fashion faux pas? Or more importantly, health issues that are unique to men that neither you nor he may be aware of.

Pumping up your brain is just as important if not more, than pumping up the rest of your body. Gravity will never cause it to droop and you can pull impressive and seductive things out of your head in public that you'd get arrested for if they came out of you shirt.

Even if you are an amazing expert on some topic, be the type of woman who knows at least a little bit about a lot. The art of conversation is a huge and vital component to the art of seduction. Read up on topics that interest you and also topics that have captured the attention of others. Whether politics or French pedicures, form your own studied opinions (key word here--studied. There's nothing worse than an opinionated person who has no idea what they're talking about. Not sexy AT ALL)

Smart is sexy. Informed is sexy.

What do you think?

Checking Out the Other Team

I read a lot of men's magazines--mostly for research but some, like Esquire, I really enjoy. It's good to check out the other team's playbook every now and again. It lets you know what's on their minds and gives us girls insight on how and what they think--mainly about us and sex--and probably as close as we're going to get to an updated user's manual.

I found the article below in Men's Health Magazine online. (This is another great magazine. In fact, next blog I'm going to list my favorite men's magazines for you.) This article is about resolutions men should make to improve their relationships. I like the idea that Dave is looking out for us ladies. My personal favorite is #1, though I think all of them are worth considering adding to YOUR list of relationship resolutions. I also like his thoughts about keeping them SECRET.

Five Secret Relationship Resolutions
by Dave Zinczenko, Men's Health Magazine

Usually, this time of year, people are broadcasting their resolutions like they have their own cable TV audience.

They tell everyone and anyone they're givin' up soda, hittin' the gym, keepin' the garage clean. Hear me, hear me, I'm going to change! Usually, though, these resolutions stick about as well as wet masking tape.

Instead, this year, try changing up a few resolutions so you can focus on your partner, and do so (here's the catch) without telling them what's coming. Why? Because your moves will be a whole lot more effective if your partner never sees them coming. The benefits: You'll improve your relationships, score major points, and make someone other than yourself feel good, too.

Resolution #1: I Will Worship The Foot

There's nothing wrong with the traditional body parts we may focus our attention on. But if there's one thing that couples crave more and more as the relationship grows, it's non-sexual touch - touching that's sensual with a touch of sexual.

Give your partner regular foot massages (without being prompted), and my bet is that other kinds of touching will increase. Dramatically.

Resolution #2: I Will Be An Online Auction Hawk

You know a relationship is in a rut when the gifts become more mundane than Weather Channel background music. This year - be it for your partner's next birthday or Valentine's day or the next gift-giving event - take some time to really nail it.

Figure out something meaningful from their life and track down a unique item that hits the sentiment perfectly. You'll have to use your imagination and sleuthing skills to come up with a great idea, but you'll score big. Thoughtfulness will always trump another Best Buy gift card.

Resolution #3: I Will Initiate Romance More Often Than My Partner For One Month

I know, I know - you may already be doing so. But if not, make it a point to initiate the romance more often, because chances are, if your partner's doing all of it, then he probably feels a mix of fatigue and frustration. If you can initiate more, he'll give back what you want in the bedroom - ad infinitum. It's the things he craves - and you will, too.

Resolution #4: I Will Replace The Sink Soap

Too often, we get caught up in the relationship biggies - money, sex, communication. Of course, those hot buttons can be the source of many a fight. But you'll go a long way in smoothing out kinks in the relationship by making a conscious effort to put the seat down, put the roll on, clean the dried milk from the counter, or whatever it is that your partner finds to be your little, nagging problems. Fixing the little problems helps solve the big ones.

Resolution #5: I Will Not Let My Partner See Me Naked

Of course, there's nothing wrong with showing off your body, especially if you're also making a resolution to lose a few pounds. For the easiest and most effective way to a sexier you, this article will help you lose weight and look great without ever being on a diet by choosing the best foods each and every time!

But what you'll be doing here is building up the mystery until your partner absolutely has to see you naked. Have a robe, or sheet, or pair of pants all around you, until it's absolutely time to disrobe. The build-up, the anticipation, the mystery - ah, it's the nectar of new relationships that often gets spoiled in old ones.

Have other ideas for keeping your relationship hot? Share them here.

Join Stiletto University's Class of 2008

Stiletto University has graduated its first class of charming lovelies. Ten amazing women spent 30 days (a total of six weeks), earning their Masters of Sensual Arts, and having a ball the entire time. Stiletto U, a one-on-one coaching program, is dedicated to the idea that too many women are living life without actually feeling deliciously ALIVE, and when they do break out, it's usually based on someone else's perception of what's proper or sexy or acceptable. What the SU graduates learned totally changed their perceptions about their lives and the world around them. Here's what they have to say.

"I have three friends who are desperate to take this class, just because they see what kind of woman I am now. I want ALL women to get in touch with their sensuality and sexuality, not just put yourself in a position to have more sex." Valencia

"I am having a pheomenal time. There are noticeable shifts in my attitude, appearance and behavior. I feel different and am enjoying the many positive reactions I never noticed before." Briana

"The most surprising thing that I've learned is how important it is to smile. My life has changed dramatically just by unleashing (so to speak) my smile on the world. Such a simple thing and it took a course on sensuality to find the key." Linda

"I thought this was going to be about flirting techniques. I was surprised how much I learned about myself. I have changed. I have reconnected with the real me through this program." Marie

"I am excited that a black woman is getting in on the game of spreading the gospel of goddessness, pleasure and sensuality. Sisters need this message. We seem to be getting the short end of the stick on so many levels, and overall as a group, don't embrace the pleasureable aspects of our womanhood. Thank you, Lori." Tamara

*note that names have been changed to respect the privacy of the Stiletto U students

Join us for our next semester. Tuition is $300 for six weeks, that's just 30 days to a sexier new you--all for a mere $10 a day. Tuition includes:

* 30 days of Stiletto U class assignments
* Weekly individual homework assignments based on your unique needs
* 8 one-on-one coaching sessions via telephone
* Unlimited email support
* Subscription to the Weapons of Mass Seduction Blog

If you'd like to receive the Stiletto U course catalog or would like more information, email me at stilettou@yahoo.com

The Pleasure Principle for 2008

Happy New Year!

2007 was a crazy year for me, and it ended even crazier than it began. You know how there are some years where you ask the questions and others that you receive the answers? Well, 2007 was the year of the ANSWER a very big way. Lots of changes in store for me in 2008 and to help me cope (and enjoy) I’ve decided that my main resolution for the new year is the pursuit of pleasure.

That's right. I'm going to put pasta and sourdough bread back into my diet (officially and in moderation); buy expensive, yummy chocolates without guilt or the need to share; sleep until ten on the weekends; engage in spontaneous, last-minute travel (with or without a travel companion); buy myself an important piece of jewelry just because it's a new year; clear my closet of the things that no longer fit my body or my lifestyle; softly and with love remove myself from the company of toxic people who vampire my happiness; and every moment of every day find joy where I stand.

In a nutshell, that's my pleasure principle for 2008. FIND JOY WHERE I STAND.

Sometimes we give up pleasure is because we find our choices have once again lead us into some dark, dank tunnel. Sadness, anger,fear and negativity suck all the joy from us. It's during these times that we have to fight through the pain but still notice all that's lovely around us. It's fight. I know. I'm just coming out of the damn tunnel. But no lie, continuing to live sensually, though sometimes a struggle, helped me keep my sanity. I forced myself to notice all that smelled, felt, tasted, looked and sounded good around me and as I reached the end of that bad boy, I was back in my stilettos, strutting my way out of the darkness into the light.

But even when we're not in the tunnel, it's amazing how quickly (and often) we willingly exchange pleasure for productivity. In the quest to stay on schedule, to get the job done, to have some sort of measurable outcome at the end of the day, we readily sacrifice joy in order to prove to someone (often ourselves)that our time spent on earth today COUNTED.

Why do we disbelieve that the pleasure and joy cannot be synonymous with productivity and effectiveness? What stick-in-the-mud Scrooge decided that one had to give up all the fun in life in order to be a contributing member of society? He's a dumb ass. That's all I have to say about him.

Many years ago I posted a quote on my wall that I found again when I was cleaning my office for the new year. It says, "True masters learn through joy." Words to live by, don't you think? I'm also adding the hummingbird to my signature symbols (the sun is my official icon). The hummingbird represents joy and survives on freedom and nectar, and if you cage it, it will die.

Sunshine and Joy. Free to be myself and live on the sweetness of life. Sounds like a damn plan.

What do you think?