Just In Time For Valentine's Day

Please join me for a RED HOT NIGHT to learn the Art of Sensual Entertaining


THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 10, 2011
7:00 PM-9:00 PM


SECRET PLEASURES BOUTIQUE
1510 U Street, NW Washington, D.C.

From a sexy invite to decadent menu suggestions to five red hot rules guarantying success, this 'workshop in a party' includes detailed instructions on how to execute an unforgettable Red Hot Night for Valentine's Day or any occasion. You'll learn everything you need to create a sexy evening designed to excite and thrill your senses and inject a little romance into your life. Treat your lover, and yourself, to a passionate evening of toe-curling sensuality.

$20 prepaid $25 at the door
RSVP at Secret Pleasures

Snowflakes...The Science of Sexy

First, I should say Happy New Year!

I apologize for not blogging more, but I've been trapped first under a blizzard of work, and more recently, under a blizzard of snow. And the snow got me to thinking and wanting to remind you that Mother Nature is such a sexy mama!

If you follow this blog or have come to any of my workshops, you know that I truly believe that if you really want to emulate another woman, look to Mother Nature. She is the one babe I know who always has her priorities so straight. Her spectacular winter look is just one gleaming example of how good she really is.

For me, snow, and snowflakes in particular, exemplify the science of sexy. There’s so much physics behind the microscopic lattice of H2O molecules underlying such a lovely shape, with the pleasant C6 symmetry of the macroscopic result - the snowflake (yeah, I didn't understand that either. I so copied that straight from the website!). In other words, scientifically speaking, all of the lovely sorts of shapes you get depend upon temperature and supersaturation of the water vapour that condenses to form the snowflake. (Check out the lab website of Kenneth G. Libbrecht, of Caltech. for much more information.)

Another way to look at it--Snowflakes are one of Mother Nature's amazing feats of pure magic. Out of the billions of snowflakes that fall each season, no two are alike. They don't fall to earth in a clump, but one-by-one showcasing their fantastic selves. And though once they land it's hard to point out their differences in a crowded drift, they all stand together to create the amazing snowscapes of winter. And if you take the time to look close enough (okay with the help of a microscope)you'll bear witness to their unique beauty. Once again proving, that it's only through the marked beauty of the individual that the whole can shine.

So, while you have all of this snowy inspiration around you, take the time this winter not to simply hibernate, but to locate, unearth and then revel in your uniqueness. Separate yourself from the drift--through your look, words and deeds--and allow the world to see what an amazing impact you make in your little corner of the world.

FYI, the snowflakes I've included in this entry are REAL. To see more, click the link on the title. Unique and absolutely fabulous--just like you!

Dear Santa, All I Want For Christmas...

Tis the season...I begin this post the same way I began the last for women who are shopping for their men during this holiday time. But I want to speak to you single lovelies who have the word "man" somewhere at or near the top of your Santa list.

This can be a tough season for singles because it's one of those times during the year (like New Year's Eve and Valentine's Day) when being alone can feel particularly lonely. But this is also the season for putting your wants and wishes into the air. I know that many of you, whether you've said it out loud or whispered it in your hearts, have added a man to your Santa wish list. But as I have found with my chosen weight loss program these past few years, wishing doesn't make it so.

If you are in the market to add a partner to your life, it’s also important to be concerned first and foremost about what YOU want in a man. We spend so much of our time worrying about being worthy and wondering why nobody seems to want us, that we have no idea what is really important to us when it comes down to the nitty gritty of love. We scour magazines and the Internet looking for clues to what men want and how we can become that girl so they will pick us. In our desire to “be what he wants,” most of us are willing to change ourselves and deny our own needs for the sake of having someone who we call 'special' in our lives. When we do this, we forget two important facts: 1) You ARE something special, damn it! And 2) Happiness is truly fleeting if you deny yourself and your truth. Because really, no man, no matter his looks, personality, or wealth will make you happy if he is ultimately not what YOU want.

So, get out your stationary and make your list. When you have the time, sit quietly and think about what you want in your mate. Don’t get caught up in the superficial—what he looks like, how much money he makes, how he dresses, where he was educated, what part of town he lives in, what kind of car he drives, etc. None of those things count in the long run. Concentrate on the personality qualities, morals and values that are deal breakers for you.

Take a look at your list of gentle demands. Is it reasonable? Would you be capable of meeting your own needs? Does it demand more of a mate than it does of yourself?

Tis the magical season of believing and receiving. So take a moment to focus on what you truly want. Once you’ve done that, you’ve taken the first step in creating it. Know what you want and ask for it. Then start doing the work to assure that you are a partner who is worthy and equal to one you are asking for.

Happy Holidays!

Go Beyond Mall Store Gift Giving

I decided to post my December Flirt Tip this month...

Tis the season for giving gifts and this year, let your lover find something a little different under the tree. In addition to that new gadget he's been hinting about, give him a taste of the holiday season that will keep on giving way after the Christmas tree comes down. Make your own gift certificates promising something uniquely personal and much more intimate than an iPad. Here are few ideas to get you going.


Gift him with an evening of sensual delight. Pick a date to make sex an event for the two of you. Remember when you were single and out to impress him and make him yours? Remember how interesting and exciting you made sex. Single sex tends to be more spontaneous, energetic and adventurous. When your man thinks about single sex, this is the mood he's missing and craving. He may love having married sex, which over the years becomes more about comfort than passion. So use the holidays to shake your married sex life up a bit. Give him a few nights of celebratory sex sprinkled throughout the year and make yourself Santa's favorite little elf.


Give him the gift of trust by presenting him with a boys night out without any drama or expectations. He loves you, but sometimes he needs a night out with his friends, just like you need that girlfriend getaway every now and again. Tuck a gift card under the tree with two tickets for him and his boy to a favorite sports event. Or plan and prepare a boys night in to watch a big game, with all of his favorite food and friends and then disappear and let them get their man on. Showing you trust him and letting him know you want him to be happy is truly a must have gift for the season.


If your household is anything like mine, your man is going to love this. Give him a six month free pass to make entertainment choices for the two of you. For half the year, let him pick the movies, the restaurants, the take out. Put your preferences on the back burner for just awhile and let him be the 'decider'. You'll be surprised that if you not only present this as a romantic gesture, and as you taking the opportunity to learn and enjoy life through his eyes, you'll score big brownie points and find yourself with a more cooperative mate the rest of the year!


The best gift of all is love. Extend the heartfelt romantic gesture of writing and gift wrapping a beautiful love letter expressing your feelings. Let him know he's more than your man, that he's your hero. Seal with a sexy, hot kiss and you'll be unwrapping the rest of your gifts December 26 as Christmas day will have become a lovers' holiday.


Happy Holidays to you and yours!

Happiness is a Freshpair!

It's been one of those weeks(and it's only Tuesday!) I'm behind on a couple of deadlines, fighting off a cold and to top it off, the weather sucks! It's cold and rainy and instead of making me feel relaxed and cozy, I'm feeling everything BUT. In fact, by three o'clock this afternoon I was feeling down right bitchy.

And then the mail arrived. I opened the front door and there on my porch was a package with my name on it. I picked it up,turned it over and there it was--the Freshpair logo! A flash of white broke out across my face. My new undies (have a peek) had arrived, delivered right to my door, just in time to ward off my "whoa is me" temper tantrum.

For me, lingerie is right up there with jewelry and shoes when it comes to retail therapy purchases. A new bra and pantie set is an instant pick me up when I'm feeling down and dowdy.

On occasion women debate me on the necessity of wearing fancy pants. So before some of you get your knickers in a twist, understand that your wardrobe down under should be comfortable in mind and body and should speak to your personal style sensibilities. So maybe you’re a LaPerla girl or maybe Hanes for Her are more for you. Perhaps you connect to the look and feel of cotton or maybe satin and lace are what get your eyes twinkling. Boy shorts or thongs, bikini or briefs, demi cup or sports bra—whatever your preference, just make sure your signature sexies are your brand of hot.

So often your outer wardrobe is dictated by the rules of our professional environment, but what you wear under your clothes speak volumes about how YOU see yourself as a sexual woman. The conversation going on between your feminine psyche and your drawers can be broken down into two main topics: 1) That you identify and care about yourself as a woman, and that sexy is who you are 24/7, not just when you’re putting it into action; or 2) Well, let’s just say it’s the direct opposite of number one.

So, what is your underwear saying about you?

A word to the wise: If you're ready to start a new conversation, check out online lingerie sites (if you know your correct size)like Freshpair.com for the brand and styles that make you feel lovely about being you!

Three Things Every Woman Needs to be Happy

I've been on a happiness kick as of late, reminding folks that being happy is truly a magnet that draws to you all of the wonderful things you crave in life--friends, love, opportunities to grow and thrive.
Here's an brief article I found on line that speaks to the subject. Read. Think. Put yourself in the position to be happy.

By Sarah Jio, Glamour magazine

These days, happiness is a big business--authors sell books on the topic, marketers try to get you to buy their products in the name of improved happiness, etc. But when it boils down to it, experts say that for almost every one of us, happiness boils down to three simple things--do you have them in your life?

The happiness trio? Huffington Post blogger Joe Robinson recently wrote about three core psychological needs that stem from past research from scientists at The University of Rochester:

Autonomy: Having independence, control over your home or work environment--the feeling that you are freely choosing things in your life and not being controlled by anyone or anything.

Competence: Feeling as though you are empowered and capable to do the work in your life and initiate things.

Relatedness: Social connection and intimacy with others.

Of course, the happiness equation consists of many different things for many different people, and yet I can tell you that in my life, if any one of these things is missing or off balance I feel anxious and out of whack.

Do you have all three of these elements in your life?

Butterflies, Lotus Blossoms and Other Signature Symbols

One of the five sensual signatures I advocate adopting is a personal symbol or icon. Companies brand their images with logos so consumers can pick them out in a crowd, so why shouldn't you?

What exactly is a signature symbol? It is something that you can see and touch that connects you with your true sensual self, reminds you of the woman you are striving to be and gives the rest of the world a hint of who you are (think Mariah Carey's butterfly). Lots of power packed into such a little thing.

I get lots of questions about what to choose and as always, I say try to identify a particular shape, color, animal, flower or thing that you've always been attracted to and give it your own definition of what it represents about you. Here are a few of the icons past Stiletto U students have chosen to define themselves.

Butterfly: Very popular icon. Represents transformation and metamorphosis--the ability to change and transform one's attitudes and ideas. Can represent beauty, freedom and joy.

Dragonfly: Can represent illusion and the idea that not all we see or think we know is exactly as it is. It reminds us that magic does still exist in the world if we simply open our eyes and look for it.

Hummingbird: Native Americans associate the hummingbird with timeless joy and the sweet nectar of life. It symbolizes accomplishing what seems impossible and living a joyful life in the circumstances you find yourself.

Lotus flower: It is said that Buddah rose from the center of the lotus flower. That said, the lotus flower is a symbol for rebirth. It also represents peace and enlightenment and is a symbol for all that is true and good and beautiful.

Bamboo: Can represent delicate beauty combined with strength and endurance. Bamboo bends but does not break.

Fleur de lis: Can symbolize excellence, light and illumination, purity, courage and faith.

Color Green: The fresh start of spring brings waves of Green and with it comes attributes of youth, sentimentality, nature, adventure, growth and health.

Star: Can represent high hopes and ideals, good luck, illumination, and a five pointed star can symbolize the five senses.

Apple: A symbol of ecstasy, fertility and abundance as well as love. Split apart, the Apple conjures an image of vulva, signifying feminine love and beauty.

Heart: Likely the most common symbol for love and has long been recognized across cultures as being a symbol for charity, joy and compassion.

So these are just a few of the endless number of icons you can choose that represent you. As always the key is to choose one and personalize its meaning to fit your truth and individual quest.

Spend Some Alone Time Behind the Curtain

When You Can't Help The Way That You Feel

Here's my latest interview. I just love when the interviewer is inquisitive, smart and fair!

Joan Collins Has A Point

Eighties diva, Joan Collins, caused quite a stir recently when she announced that while Angelina Jolie was "gorgeous" her tabloid nemesis, Jennifer Aniston was "cute, but I wouldn't call her beautiful."

You know, I have to agree with her, and frankly, while everyone else seemed to turn Joan's comments into one great big diss, I don't see it that way. I think her comparison was exactly right.

Everything about Jennifer Aniston screams cute. Her look is safe, approachable and right from the good girl next door style rack. Her personality and personal charisma, or at least that which is revealed to the public, is sweet, endearing, and slightly guarded. Jen's brand of sexy is natural and cute, and the combination makes the men in her life want to take care of her, even though it's obvious since her split from Mr. Pitt that she's quite capable of looking after herself.

Angelina, on the other hand, has a personal style and charisma that is bigger,riskier and much more outwardly sultry and sexy than Jen's. Her life and lifestyle do appear to be more fully expressed and glamorous. Her look is hot and, well, gorgeous. Angie's brand of sexy is smoking hot, which can be as exciting as it can be intimidating to the shy guy.

Where I think Joan Collins went wrong, was in comparing the two women and making comments that made it sound like one look was better than the other. What Joan failed to realize is that each woman is working her natural strengths, owning her look and true charisma and living her life.

Follow the example of both of these lovely ladies. Own your unique brand of secy and do you.

Five Tips for Great Sex

Check out my interview on lovingyou.com You'll find my five sensual, sensible, doable, and oh so enjoyable tips on on how add a little umph! to your love life. Let me know what you think! Happy loving!!

How to Create A Sexy Bedroom

I saw this video on AOL and thought you might be interested. The importance of creating a sensual haven for you and yours to escape, dream, recharge and reconnect, can't be overstated. Enjoy!

What's Your Exit Line?

Take note, Washington, D.C., we unleashed a beautiful bevy of friendly flirts this past weekend! Thank you Secret Pleasures!

One of the comments that came up during the workshop was from a lovely single mother who said she didn't like to flirt because she didn't know how to turn off the attention from men she was not interested in. As a result, she'd shut down her charm offense totally, but admitted to missing her flirty side.

I constantly stress to my Stiletto University students is that "You can't be that woman if you can't handle that woman." When you unearth and share with the world your unique personality, energy and style, you can't help but attract attention. Some from admirers you will covet, and some attention from those you don't.

Attracting attention, good or bad, is the nature of the charming beast. IMHO, putting a cap on your feminine fizz is not an option, so learning how to deal with the overflow is important. The first thing to remember is that the majority of admirers are simply gifting you with their positive attention,so even though you may not be interested, they still deserve your courtesy and appreciation for doing what you want the world to do anyway--notice you. You need to send them on their way as pleasantly as possible (don't forget that someone else might be watching). So perfect an exit line that saves their ego and applauds their good taste.

My go-to, (and most effective) exit line is: "Thank you so much, you have made my night, but my husband really gets upset when I date." I deliver it with a killer smile and make my exit.

For the totally obnoxious who simply won't take a hint, I simply excuse myself, saying "I have to call home," walk away and exit to the ladies room or join a group conversation where he will be reluctant to follow.

Be friendly, be firm and continue being flirty. Si find your exit line and get out there and handle your business!

Join Me at These D.C. Events

If you're in the D.C. area, please join me for these following events. Invite a friend and come get your sexy on!

Sept. 9- 7:00 PM Secret Pleasures Presents A Weapons of Mass Seduction Workshop
JoJo Restaurant and Bar, 1518 U Street, NW (at N 15th Street), Washington, DC

The ability to charm and disarm will take you far in life. Learn the no-fail basics of how to S.E.L.L. yourself in whether in a room full of strangers or just you and you significant other in the comfort of your own home.


Sept. 11- 4:00 pm Secret Pleasures Hosts An Erotic Reading and Discussion
Secret Pleasures, 1510 U Street, NW, Washington, DC

Unleash the your inner erotic diva at this sexy but always tasteful reading and discussion of Can't Help The Way That I Feel.

Check Out My Interview on Eden Fantasys

I want to share this interview with you because it was one of my favorites, mainly because all of the questions came from real people and not reporters. I loved the range of questions asked--everything from sex and religion to growing up multicultural to my writing muses, and thought they were amazingly intelligent and thought provoking. Enjoy!

Join the Conversation

Eden Fantasys is a great site for toys and information about all things sexual. This month I am featured in their community interview and am taking questions about any and everything ranging from sensuality, sexuality, race and writing. Please click on the link above, scroll down to Sex Community Update and ask your question and if it's one of the three favorites, you will win a copy of Can't Help the Way That I Feel and a gift certificate to use on Eden Fantasys. You can ask your questions until July 20th. Looking forward to hearing from you!

Friends You Should Have - AOL Health

I've always said that women make us good at who we are. I hope you find this article helpful in cleaning out relationship closet, which by the way, we all need to do every now and again.

Friends You Should Have - AOL Health

Essence.com Adds Can't Help to their Sizzling Summer Reading List

Ladies, even Essence Magazine recognizes a good dare, when it reads it! Essence.com has chosen my new anthology Can't Help The Way That I Feel, as one of their hot reads for the summer. So before you head off on your vacation, make sure you give into temptation and get your copy to bring along. I guarantee it will make your summer sizzle!

Frisky Friday: Sexy Summer Reading

Why Women Are Actually Thinner Than They Think

WHEW!! What a great bit of much needed news! Click on the link below and find out woman in the mirror is much hotter than you think!!

Why Women Are Actually Thinner Than They Think

Sex and the City 2--A WMS Don't

I loved the Sex and the City television series on HBO. It featured smart, sexy, flawed individuals who truly understood the importance friendship between females. There is nothing more important to the development of true feminine confidence than a nonjudgmental friend who not only allows you but encourages you to be you with all of your glorious flaws and imperfections. A woman who doesn't compete with you but rather compliments your version of sexy and smart. I've said it before, women make other women good at who they are.

Sex in the City was a cheerleader for female empowerment--women taking charge of their sex and love lives and living them both with the scandal that can come with living one's own truth. I found them to be fabulous--not because of their fashion or fame or fortunes, but because of the way they walked through life (in stilettos of course!) on their own terms. But in SATC2 these women have fallen off their fierce girls pedestal and are floundering. They have forgotten all of the lessons they spent years teaching us and are looking more and more like aging women desperately clinging to their youth.

I wanted to love this movie but spent most of the two hours plus feeling annoyed and offended. It started out well but then went steadily downhill. No real story, weak dialogue (Carrie's puns were so lame it was embarrassing) a lot of stupid whining (between crying baby Rose and baby Charlotte, I was ready to walk), and ridiculous, out of place fashion choices (seriously, who walks sand dunes and rides camels in stiletto heels? And who bares their porcelain white chest and shoulders or covers them in huge, metal bibs in blazing desert heat?).

But what really irritated me most was the incredibly stupid, disrespectful and obnoxious way these intelligent, worldly women behaved while in Abu Dhbai. All were annoying in some form, but Samantha's behavior is totally outrageous, and not in a good way. She, a public relations expert, no less, is completely disrespectful to the culture, laws, and religious sensibilities of the country she is visiting and hopefully will be representing. She dresses and acts inappropriately (grabbing a man's penis in full view of other guests, holding up a gross of condoms in the souk and screaming "Yes, I love sex," to a throng of conservative, Muslim men), and portrays the ugly American to perfection.

This movie is not WMS friendly because truly confident, sexy women understand that respect for other people and their beliefs is hot, while ignoring them in pursuit of your own selfish pleasure is not. Additionally, Samantha, with her 40 plus pills a day to trick her body into being young, has become a desperate parody of her former self. A seasoned woman is sexy because she is confident enough to quietly go after what she wants with style and elegance. She doesn't need to compete with younger women by wearing the same clothes, just because they fit, because ultimately she ends up looking older and more insecure than they do. What Samantha doesn't seem to understand is that yes, her insistence on letting everyone know within earshot that she's game for a fuck, does make her appear younger, but in all the wrong ways. Instead of looking worldly and self assured, she looks like every other young girl who thinks that a reputation for putting out is what makes her sexy and popular with the boys. It's a troubling perspective at any age, but Samantha just looks old and desperate because at 52, she should know better.

One of the delightful new flirt tools that comes with age is mystery. Samantha needs to put that in her trick bag and learn to work it to maximum effect.

P.S. Search on this website, Ciao Bella and get more tips on how to be a Weapon of Mass Seduction while traveling abroad.