Monday, April 21, 2008

A Little Off the Sides and Top and That's It

Be warned. This blog entry will surely fall under the category of T.M.I. (Too Much Information) and I apologize right up front. But damn it, I've had it with all the waxing and shaving of my nether regions. In a month I'll be 50. I've earned the right to be comfortable in my underpants!

Now before you go off, spreading the rumor that I am a hairy, unkempt mess, understand--I am not talking about keeping things trim and tidy. Good grooming does include keeping up the bikini lines (as well as shaved legs and underarms). There is nothing sexy about wearing gorgeous panties or a fab bathing suit and having unsightly tufts of hair escaping from the sides. I mean, not everything looks great fur trimmed.

No, I'm talking about the pain and stress (and not to mention the annoying itch)of running a sharp razor over your most delicate body party or applying hot wax to one's tender privates and ripping the hair out by its root. Ouch. I'm in pain just thinking about it.

For years I have, like many of you I'm sure, been victim to the cultural phenomena and model mentality of nary-a-hair-down-there. I don't know who started the drum beat demanding that grown women's genitals should be as smooth and clean as the babie's behinds they were changing. I'm pretty sure it began with those damn Brazilian supermodels and the industry that spawns them. (You know, models seem to be the root of a lot of our unrealistic body image issues and beauty rituals (hemorrhoid creme for under eye swelling, toothpaste on pimples, cocaine and cigarettes for weight loss, but that's a whole other blog.)

When I look back, I think I bought into the whole Brazilian look because it made me feel sexually daring in a private, I've-got-a-secret kind of way. Only my husband and I (and my gynecologist, poor man) knew and for the first few weeks after getting it done, I did walk around with panties full of sensations. But then, the dreaded new growth began to rear it's ugly, itchy head and my sexy strut melted into a uncoordinated, idiotic, slow motion gallop while I attempted to relieve the unbearable itch with my inner thighs. And God knows, any private moment became a monumental scratch-fest. It was like carrying a porcupine in my underpants, and not in a good way. And the only immediate relief? To pay good money to one of the sisters to spread my legs, pour hot wax between them and let 'er rip.

To be truthful, I only got waxed twice. But I shaved nearly clean for years and between the nicks, ingrown hairs, and cactus coochie I just can't take it any more. My husband is disappointed.

Did I mention my husband loved it? Did I mention that the first time I did it was because he'd been hinting about it for months? Initially, I did it to please him. Yeah, just like a man. Now if I asked him to go in and have his berries waxed because I found it to be a huge turn on, what do you think he'd say? Exactly. Hell frickin' no! I can't even get him to clean up his bathroom sink, and can I tell you how hot that would make me!

My scissor trims are keeping me neat and tidy and you know what I learned? I still feel sexy because I've reached a point in my sensual/sexual life where I've learned that what I think has much more to do with what I feel and how I behave, than what I wear (or don't). I'm not sorry I investigated the naked nookie, it pleased my lover but more importantly it made me feel scandalous and naughty without any kind of public acknowledgment. And those feelings are what now drive my sense of sexual daring. Now that's true power, and so, so much more comfortable!

What do you think?

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

The Big O in Om: Yoga for Hotter Sex

Most of you know that I love yoga. Here's one of the reasons why! Enjoy this article from

Yoga Positions for Better Sex

Enlightenment is great and all, but doing yoga will also pay off in a very immediate,
extremely earthy way: in the sack.In ancient times yogis practiced abstinence from sex so that all of their energy could be directed toward yoga and spiritual advancement. Makes you wonder: How could these supposedly wise guys have gotten it so wrong?

Today yoga lovers are finding that more time on the mat means more--and steamier--time spent reveling in their newly toned bodies. To take a walk on yoga's carnal side, add these sex moves to your yoga routine for overall better sex. Or just do them by themselves to turn up the heat.

Flex Time Is Sex Time
Having more flexible muscles and joints definitely helps in assuming those compromising positions. Opening your hips in particular gives you a wider range of motion in your nether regions, allowing for more direct stimulation in just the right spots. After all, one micro-movement in missionary is sometimes all it takes to ring the bell.

Sex Rx: Bound Angle In a seated position, bring the soles of your feet together, put your hands on your ankles, allow your knees to relax toward the floor, and hinge forward at the hips as far as is comfortable. Hold for 10 to 15 complete breaths (inhales and exhales).

Power Up the Pelvis
Strengthening one key muscle helps you engage and lift the pelvic floor, bringing you more sensation and control during your sex moves.

Sex Rx: Root Lock You may also hear this referred to by its Sanskrit name, Mula Bandha. Seated or standing, contract and then release the pubococcygeus muscle located between the pubic bone and the tailbone, as if you wanted to stop the flow of urine. You can even do this at your desk, say, 10 times at three workday intervals.

Sex Goddesses Go the Distance

Shake-the-headboard sex moves are hard work. "The better shape you are in, the more pleasure you have and the longer you can do it," says Kimberly Fowler, owner of Yoga and Spinning Studio in Venice, California.

Sex Rx: Yoga Pushups Start in the pushup position, arms extended. Engage your abs as you lower your body slowly toward the floor. Stop when your torso is about 2 to 3 inches away. Keeping elbows in, hold there for five breaths, then lower to the floor. Repeat three times at first and build up to five.

Charge Up the Bed Batteries
A killer day at work can leave you too beat to boogie. But a few minutes of nonstrenuous yoga when you get home can mean one less night with Netflix and one more erotic evening entwined with your sweetie.

Sex Rx: Legs Up the Wall Change into some yoga-friendly clothes. Lie on your back with one hip touching a wall. Swing your legs up and turn your body so you face the wall, legs resting against it from heels to butt, arms at your sides. Bring your awareness to your breath and focus on it for 5 minutes. This position allows more oxygen-rich blood to flow from your lower body back up to the heart and the brain, so you'll get up reenergized, refocused, and ready to rumble.

Breath of Desire
While most yoga poses help prepare you for a libidinous rendezvous, this breathing exercise can actually heighten your pleasure in flagrante.

Sex Rx: Breath of Fire While you're in the act, take rapid, forceful, and rhythmic breaths through your nose with your mouth closed. Don't worry if your partner thinks you're hyperventilating; he'll forget all about it when you reach a spine-tingling climax (and no doubt take credit for your fulfillment).

Double Your Pleasure

Practicing yoga with your man is like foreplay, says Jacquie Noelle Greaux, creator of the Better Sex Through Yoga video series. "You start to breathe together, sweat together, and move together. It gets your energy synched up." Some mat work might make him more sex-imaginative as well. "Yoga sparks creativity," Fowler says. "Women don't want bang-boom from a man, they want an explorer--and yoga invites you to explore."

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Effort is Sexy

There is a radio commercial playing here in the New York area that makes me want to scream every time I hear it. The advertisement is for Lowes Stores and it features a woman who comes home to find that her husband has proudly set up a spontaneous and romantic dinner in their backyard for the two of them. Is she thrilled and astonished and blown away like she should be? No, because there's a problem. He's moved the dining room furniture outdoors because they don't yet have patio furniture.

So instead of being blown away by his thoughtfulness and inventiveness, and sitting her grateful behind down to enjoy a romantic evening with her man, the girl goes on and on about their next door neighbor, Steve. See Steve did it right. Steve went to Lowes and bought a real outdoor dining table and chairs. Steve did it right because, dining room furniture belongs in the dining room not outdoors. The ungrateful biyatch didn't even acknowledge his effort AND her husband then starts acting all apologetic and sorry. Okay, they deserve each other.

I see this all the time. Women who complain about their men not being attentive or romantic or helpful with the kids or household chores. Let's face it, some guys are just lazy slugs when it comes to helping around the house or flexing their romantic muscles. Sorry ladies if your guy truly falls in that category. But there are plenty of men who make the effort to please but are constantly slapped down for not doing things the 'right way', which in translation means 'your way.' Then these same women want to complain about feeling unappreciated or having to do everything and never getting a break.

Ladies, your man always gets points for trying. Let him learn to do things--from diapering the baby to cooking the lasagna to planning a romantic evening--his way. Let him know how much you appreciate his effort even if the flowers he selected aren't your favorite or he didn't make spaghetti sauce using your recipe (having hot dogs in your sauce won't kill you, just ask my mother!). Be flexible enough to understand that if he's making the effort to please, he gets credit.

Let live. Let love.

What do you think.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Some of My Favorite Sensual Movies

When I am getting ready to start a new book, I start watching a lot of movies. It's a ritual that began with my first novel, Read Between the Lies, and has continued to this day. They inspire me and help get me in the storytelling mood. I always include some of my favorites in this ritual, movies I can watch over and over and never tire of. I thought I'd share with you some the most sensual movies in my collection.

To be clear, I'm talking movies that flex your sensory muscles, they entice all five of your senses to the point that you almost feel like you are experiencing the action. And even without the overt sex scenes, they all are very sexy.

1) Walk in the Clouds. A sweet, sensual love story of a WWII soldier who falls in love with the daughter of a wealthy Mexican aristocrat in California. This is one of the most sensually packed movies I've ever seen. I love it and never seem to tire of its rich, luscious sensuality.

2) Thomas Crown Affair I like both versions, the classic and the remake but I am particularly drawn to the Pierce Brosnan and Renee Russo's version. This is a sexy, cat and mouse game that showcases a strong, confident, sexy woman of a certain age, who still remains vulnerable and feminine. The soundtrack is awesome and the love scene in the entry and in the study is awe-inspiring.

One of my favorite filmmakers is the Mira Nair, a fabulous director from India. She has been hailed as “refreshingly unafraid to depict beautiful, lustful women who openly express their desires”. I wholeheartedly agree. You may have heard of or seen her movies, Mississippi Masala and Vanity Fair. Two of my favorite movies are directed by her.

3) Kama Sutra: A Tale of Love This movie is so sensually hot! Take an Indian Prince, his virgin bride, a sensual servant girl and her forbidden love, combine it with lush,colorful Indian scenery , lessons in the kama sutra and a tear-jerk love story and you have an amazing tale of love and illicit lust. Tasteful but oh so HOT! HOT! HOT!

4) Monsoon Wedding Again, an Indian love story full of family secrets and forbidden love. What I love about Mira Nair's movies are that they are about women who are fighting cultural taboos in their quest to live their own truth. As always, a rich, sensory experience.

4) Memoirs of a Geisha
This is a visually stunning adaption of the best-selling book and is luxurious, ethereal and intoxicating. And to top it off, it has many lessons to learn on enticement and the power of seduction. Okay, the scene where Sayuri is taught how to stop a man in his track with one look is priceless and proves that true charm is indeed international affair.

Watch. Learn. Enjoy!