So Busy, Busy, Busy

I'm so sorry I haven't blogged all month. I am CRAAAZY busy these days, teaching, editing a new anthology and conducting workshops. I'll be back on task later this week. Until then, take time to enjoy every sensual drop of summer 2009 that remains. Let every one of your senses experience summer's end and catch the sensory hints of an approaching fall. Live sensually and make your life come alive!

It's All About the Fit

Lingerie, as delicate as it may sound to you, is really the workhorse of your wardrobe. A good bra will make your clothes fit better and make you look thinner in the process. Here are the steps to finding your correct size. Remember brands will differ in fit, so it's always best to go to a professional at least once a year to make sure you're still in your right size.

Step 1, Measure for Band Size:

Keeping the measuring tape parallel with the ground, measure around your bra directly under your bust after expelling all air from your lungs - you want this measurement to be as small as possible. Round all fractional measurements to the nearest whole number.

If the measurement is even, add 4"
if the measurement is odd, add 5"

Step 2, Measure for Cup Size:

Standing straight, with your arms at your side, measure at the fullest part of your bust (while wearing a non-padded bra) making sure the measuring tape is parallel with the ground and not binding.

Round all fractional measurements to the nearest whole number.

Step 3, Calculate Your Bra Size:

Subtract your band measurement (step 1) from your cup measurement (step 2). Generally, for each inch in difference, the cup goes up by one size. See the conversion chart here.

Example:
Step 1: 34" under measurement +4" = 38" band
Step 2: 40" over measurement
Step 3: 40" - 38" = 2" or Cup "B"
Your size would be 38B

Important Note: this measuring system tends to become less accurate as the cup sizes go above a D. Additionally, some manufacturers name larger cup sizes differently.

The Beauty of Online Bra Shopping

I don’t know about you, but when it comes to the basics, if it’s a choice between ordering online or heading out to the stores, I’ll boot up my computer first every time.

After years of online shopping, I've discovered that doing a little pre-work can save you lots of time and shipping charges on the backside. Especially when you're looking for apparel.

Bras and panties are something I love shopping online for. I do this because I can shop whenever I want and more often than not, I find great deals on my favorites in other colors and/or styles that the department stores don't carry. But before I order anything, I go to a reputable store and get properly fitted and try on different brands. On those fit/try trips, I also try on the beautiful bras that I covet knowing full well that I won’t be buying them there. I try them on so I know how they fit, and then I begin the hunt online to find them and their matching panties at a bargain.

For example, ever since my fit/try to Nordstrom a few months ago (I usually do these trips twice a year) I’ve been stalking two lovely brassieres, the Dentelle by Elle MacPhearson Intimates and the Chantilly Demi bra by Chantelle. GORGEOUS! At Nordstrom, the Dentelle was $65 and the Chantilly a whopping $105! I found both at Freshpair.com in colors the department store didn’t offer and cheaper! The Elle MacPherson bra was $5 less, and the Chantelle, in red no less, was $78 down from $105, plus they offered free shipping on each U.S. order.

Unfortunately, the red bra was not in stock in my size but I just received the Dentelle and it is so gorgeous! I had got it in the French Nude (kind of a peach lace over black). Very ooh la la! Nordstrom only carried in white, by the way. Better yet, the construction is fabulous and offers me not only sex appeal but serious support, and these days I’m all about sexy and supportive! I love the way it showcases the girls, but more than anything I love the way I feel in it.

I’m telling you ladies, wearing great lingerie is like walking around with a delicious secret—a secret you can choose to share—or not. It’s also another way to add a little yummy scandal to your life and nobody has to know! And when you don’t even have to leave the house to indulge yourself, how can you not change your draws on the regular!

So mix a martini, grab your computer and do a shopping for some little sweet nothings. You can check out great lingerie sites as well as some of my other favorite links for places to help unleash the sensual you!

Lingerie To Bring Sexy Back

Bringing Sexy Back: Lingerie that's Sure to Create Some Sparks by Freshpair.com

Too often we find the sparks of a romance burn down to embers as the weeks, months, and years go by. It’s no surprise when at the beginning we take so much time to groom our appearance to tantalize and entice, but as time goes on the effort put in equals the tension that is created…and that tension fades. But throw some of these hot numbers in the mix and you’ll be sure to rekindle your romantic and sensual spirit in no time. It’s all about adding that spark that lights the flame of passion again!

For the bustier girl, what better to put the RRRrrr back in Romance than a sexy and sultry leopard number with the superior fit and technology of Wacoal.



Don’t worry I’m not forgetting those with smaller packages, for the petite girl it’s all about presentation, and proper wrapping I’ve always found impresses, and with removable cookies you could always add in a little extra push to get his attention, try these inserts which can bump you up to a fuller cleavage!

Set it up right, with matching bra and panties you make the full impression. It’s like I mentioned before about packages looking better wrapped, so of course if you leave a corner open you let the mood slip right out! Don’t worry we have some sexy sets that I’m sure will set both of you in the mood for love, lust, and more.



This set from Wacoal Luxe is steaming hot! The double straps and the little peek-a-boo slits on the boyshort will make him think of Jane of the Jungle or some Amazonian goddess with her lingerie barely clinging to her… and he’ll be sure to cling tightly to you!


Chantelle bras fit a real woman, and there is something super sexy about a woman who is comfortable in her own skin and with her feminine curves. This sexy set will honor those curves and make him honor you, as long as you like.


Some pieces just make you stop and stare, and if you pair this with some red lipstick, this gunmetal grey number will stop him in his tracks. Nothing like an alluring set of lingerie to take a man hostage!


I think there is absolutely something to be said for the more subtly sweet of sets, like this pairing from Elle Macpherson. It makes me think Girl Next Door but all grown up. Like a fantasy come true for most guys, and really this set is easy to wear without it wearing you, with just the right amount of everything left to the imagination.

Another more subtle approach by Elle Macpherson, and this one has a lot of what we’ve been talking about, bows that catch the eye and a lovely contrast that draws the eye upward on the bra.

It frames your curves and silhouette in a subtle way reminding him of what a pleasure it is to admire you from afar, and that will make him want to admire you up close at the end of the day.

July Poll Results

Here are your results for July's poll. In response to the query: If I could free my mind:

37% said you'd let your bad girl come out to play

9% said you'd summon the courage to leave your current relationship

20% said you'd leave your job and work your passion

32% said you'd stop worrying about changing yourself and let you be you.

Interesting that the majority of you, 69%, said that if you could free your mind of all of the rules, expectations, and opinions of others, you would basically live life by your own truth. Imagine if you had the strength to do that how much happier your life would be.

Mind over matter, people. Mind over matter. Or as the saying goes,
"If you don't mind, it shouldn't matter."

Take heed, summon your courage, and Do YOU!!

National Underwear Day 2009 at Freshpair.com

National Underwear Day 2009 at Freshpair.com

Hey Ladies, I've decided to partner with Freshpair.com this month to celebrate the sensual deliciousness of wearing beautiful underthings. So all this month we'll be talking lingerie. To get you started, check out the link above for some amazing specials on some sweet nothings for both you and him.



Posted using ShareThis

June Poll Results

Finally, here are the poll results for June.

We asked the question: When it comes to sex, which is more important? Here are your answers:

45% of you said Foreplay

0% of you said Afterplay

39% of you said Both

15% of you said What Happens in the Middle

All in all, not too bad. It's understandable that the majority of you polled stated that foreplay was more important to you. That makes total sense because prolonged foreplay allows both men and women to get physically ready for intercourse, particularly as we age. Psychologically speaking,foreplay builds intimacy and allows both partners to feel loved and cherished, and to enjoy intercourse even more. Bottomline: foreplay is about readying the mind and body for sex.

As important as foreplay is in getting us ready to have sex , afterplay is just as important in getting us ready for the next time. For most women, afterplay is the emotional closure that makes each sexual experience complete. It's the physical expression of intimacy and feelings of closeness that turns sex into lovemaking. Our need to cuddle and spoon, to caress and engage in sweet pillow talk sex is all about feeding our emotional connections with our lover. And it's that connection that makes us look forward to the next sexual experience. Afterplay is a vital part a loving sexual relationship. It should not be ignored.

So 39% percent of you have it right. Both foreplay and afterplay are what makes what happens in between feel so right and delicious, and loving.

Sunglasses

This article is reprinted from Psychologies Magazine. Kind of gives you a whole new appreciation for sunglasses.

In mythology, eyes are the windows of the soul. So the decision to replace transparent windows with impenetrable dark glass - turning them into mirrors - is a psychologically interesting one. Windows answer questions, but mirrors ask them.

Wearing sunglasses often has little to do with protection from the sun's rays and everything to do with making a statement. This makes shades one of the most potent semantic tools in anyone's wardrobe. Nothing else transforms our mood and appearance so quickly and dramatically. Sunglasses offer us a sort of furtive escape from observation. We feel protected, more private. Yet at the same time we achieve greater stand-out.

Wearing sunglasses makes us both unsettling and sexier. Unsettling because our mood cannot be read. The eyes give away more secrets than the lips. Sexier because sunglasses say, 'look at me'. Factor in the variety of styles with meanings of their own - from chic Chanel to aviator-butch Randolph Engineering - and, in terms of meaning, sunglasses put every other accessory in the shade.

Sexitude is Now Closed

Thank you to all of you who have asked about new Stiletto U workshop, Sexitude. Enrollment is now closed. The interest in this sensuality workshop has been phenomenal, in fact it has been so great that not only did we have to move to a larger studio, but how have a waiting list. So please join us in September for the next session. In the meantime, remember--change your sexitude, change your life!

Speaking of Sexitude...

Sorry, I haven't blogged. I've been really busy with several upcoming projects--editing a new erotica anthology, entitled Can't Help the Way That I Feel, planning two private Stiletto U birthday parties this summer for private clients, and the upcoming Sexitude Workshop that begins this week.

So with all this going on, I'm trying to fit in a weekend at the beach with my Mothers Off Duty group. As much as I am looking forward to seeing my girls, going to the beach means wearing a bathing suit. Hmmm. I've been avoiding buying a new bathing suit for a few years now (some of you may recall the cherry red bikini story). So I went today to find a new suit. I swear trying on bathing suits is the most depressing thing, I don't care how great you feel about yourself. You know what I mean, so we we'll just agree that trying on bathing suits is that horrible recurring nightmare come true--you know, the one where you're running around naked in public, mortified and feeling totally vulnerable.

The problem is that when it comes to clothes, I've nearly mastered the art of camouflage. Folks think I'm taller, thinner, and toner than I really am--that's the miracle of knowing what styles flatter you, monotone dressing, and high heels. This allows me to dress age appropriate for let's say, a forty year-old. But a bathing suit? Well, there's just no place to hide. Fifty one is fifty one, in all it's gravity-depraved glory!

Any who, let me get to the point. I passed the string bikinis, maneuvered myself around the unstructured, peek-a-boo one pieces that might as well have been a been bikinis, and slid past the tankinis. I still don't understand those. The ones where the tops are fitted ride up just enough so your muffin top can enjoy the sun, and those that are fuller look like maternity bathing suits. Being 51 and looking preggers is not sexy. Hell, it's not even cute.

I continued my search for the hardware section of the swim shop. You know, where they store all the "look like you lost 10 pounds" and tummy control bathing suits. The ones that have pulley's at the shoulders to hoist up the girls and a steel mesh girdle to keep the baby weight you're trying to lose from your last pregnancy (so what if Eva is 16--you can't drop it overnight, you know!)from spilling out. Well, I checked out that rack and immediately got depressed. They looked like the suits my mom wears. She's 82. Enuf said.

So what rack do I find myself sifting through? THE FRICKIN' SWIM DRESSES!!! At first I am shocked into momentary paralysis. Am I really considering these? Is this what I'd been reduced to? A swim muumuu? But then I see a little Michael Kors number that is downright sexy. My mind is thinking, you look better in dresses than pants--and this is like a little miniskirt. Add a pair of cute little heels--scratch that--you're going to the beach--okay, add a pair of cute little flip flops and this might could work. Of course they don't have the little sexy number in my size, so, being a true believer in potential, I grab several and head to the dressing rooms.

The first two I tried on scared the hell out of me because when I looked in the mirror, that's right, I saw my mother. Trying not to get depress, I soldier on, eliminating the most matronly ones and holding on to the two "hey, this is kinda cute" suits. I alternated trying them on, not completely grossed out but not completely loving either one, and totally lamenting that the sexy little swim dress was not available (I swear if I see some size two chick in that suit next weekend...). But I also was feeling like if I could find the right one, I could own this look. This little swim dress idea had potential. Flirty, sexy, camouflaged potential!! Yeah baby!

So long story short. I did not buy a bathing suit today, but I am on the hunt. I did, however, purchase two adorable cover ups! Funny, how those always fit!

Happy Independence Day!

We're all fighting to be independent, free-to-act-follow-my-own-truth women in at least one area of our lives. Well, in the wise words of '80's diva superstars, En Vogue, "Free your mind, and the rest will follow." Take a listen...and learn.



Happy Fourth of July. Declare your independence with a bang!

New Stiletto U Workshop--Sexitude!

A Sensual Workout for Mind and Body

Sexy is as Sexy Does

What’s your Sexitude? In other words: How do you feel about your sexy self? Have you ever wished you were sexier? Felt more confident in your ability to attract and entice your lover? Wished that you had the courage to match your sensual thoughts with your sexual actions?

Welcome to Sexitude, a three-week, sensual workout designed to unleash the sensuous, sexy you. Whether single or married, young or seasoned, sexually active or celibate, Sexitude is for you. It’s a fun and tasteful combination of mind and movement with the ultimate goal of making you feel comfortable and sexy in your own skin.

Change Your Sexitude, Change Your Life

A confident woman is a sexy woman! During this workout we will talk about ways to bring out the incomparable woman hiding behind all those unrealistic expectations (yours and others), and then teach you how to move it, work it and own it! You’ll learn:

• Ways to bring your sexy back
• How to wake up your mind and body to amp up your love life
• How to move with sensual confidence
• Exercises to make you a stronger and more confident lover

Your Sexitude Instructors

Sexy Mind: Lori Bryant-Woolridge is a best-selling author, sensuality coach and founder of Stiletto U, a program advocating healthy, sensuous lifestyles. She has conducted sensuality classes and workshops around the country, and has been featured in local and national media, including: The Seattle Times, Detroit Free Press, Essence Magazine, Romantic Times, Working Mother Magazine, and Psychologies Magazine¸ and has appeared on numerous radio and television shows across the country.


Sexy Moves: Benita Perkins is a certified instructor and personal trainer. A former professional dancer with the Philadelphia Dance Company, she is the founder of Bennie Girl Health and Wellness Events, Inc., a production company focused on the fitness needs and healthy lifestyles of women. Benita has been hired by various companies and organizations to promote her healthy message, including: Pepsi, American Heart Association, American Diabetes Association, and the NAACP, and has been featured in several national publications including: Heart and Soul, Ebony and Essence Magazines. www.benniegirl.com

Grab a friend, join us and get your summer sizzle on!

Three Thursdays, July 16, 23, 30, 2009
7:30-9:30 pm

Sharon Miller Academy
14 South Park Street 2nd Floor
Montclair, NJ

Tuition: $49 for three sessions
Register NOW! Space is Limited.

For more information or to register email us at
stilettou@yahoo.com and put Sexitude as the subject.

Sexitude is a co-production of Stiletto U and Bennie Girl Health and Wellness

Celebrate your Senses Today

June 24, 2009 has been declared "Celebration of the Senses" day. Okay, I'm not sure by whom, but it works for me, especially if it gives you an 'official' reason to make today a particularly sensuous experience.

Celebrate Your Senses day can be shared with the one you love or the one you're with, even if that 'one' is the one and only you. In a perfect world, you would celebrate it both ways, together and alone.

It doesn't have to be a big, fancy affair. Just so long as you treat yourself to a five sense stimulating experience. It could be as simple as enjoying an ice cream cone together, giving witness to the sweet, sugary smell, the creamy, delicious taste and smooth texture of the ice cream dissolving in your mouth, while enjoying the sights and sounds of the world going on around you. And sharing your ice cream adds an entirely different layer of sensuality to the experience!

You could prepare a meal that sensuous in nature from the menu right down to the table decor and wine selection. Mindful eating--taking the time to enjoy and experience each bite--makes the usual gulp and run pale in comparison. Or maybe you'd prefer a long, luxurious, candlelight soak in the tub followed by a sensual rubdown of your favorite oil or lotion.

It could be all day affair like a day at the beach where you can smell and taste the salt air, hear and see the crashing waves of the ocean, and feel the sand between your toes. Or sitting inside, listening to the rain fall, wrapped up in your silkiest jammies, while enjoying some decadently expensive chocolates, What a way to celebrate your senses!

The point is, it doesn't matter what you do as long as you you do it. It doesn't even matter if it doesn't happen tonight. The beauty of celebrating life through your senses is that it can happen anywhere at any time! And it should!

Zumba!!

Still on my sensual movement soapbox. Last night I took my first Zumba class. It was taught by one of my best friends, Benita Perkins, who is a dancer and fitness trainer. It was FANTASTIC!! To everyone's surprise (I'm not a huge cardio exercise person...okay that's a big fat understatement)I was movin' and groovin' (how damn old am I??)and having a ball doing so. It's fun and I didn't feel like I was exercising at all even though I was exhausted and sweating up a storm. I enjoyed it so much, that not only am I going to continue to take the class but Benita and I are going to hook up to combine messages and do a whole new workshop that incorporates sensual movement. Stay tuned, but in the meantime, if you haven't been introduced to Zumba, check out this and video then check out a class near you.

What Kind of Shoe Are You?

Click on this quiz and find out what kind of shoe you are.

Sensual Movement

One of the things occupying my time while I was away from my blog was the reality show, Dancing with the Stars. DWTS was definitely 'must see TV' for me this spring. I couldn't get enough of it. Sure, seeing the softer, feminine side of rapper Lil Kim was a draw, as was watching the sexy ass of Sex in the City's naked neighbor glide across the floor. Both had a lot to do with keeping me glued to my seat. But more than those two stars, I was mesmerized by the sheer sensuality and passionate nature of the movement.

In fact, going to Argentina and taking tango lessons is one of the items on my every growing 'bucket list.' Also on that list are belly dancing lessons. Both are, IMHO, two of the sexiest dances in the world. Because you see, there is dancing and then there is sensual dancing, and you know the difference the moment you see it. It really doesn't matter if it's choreographed ballroom dancing or just letting loose at club. Sensual movement radiates from within--it contains a fluidity and confidence that reveals the dancer's inner connection with her sensual self. It is the personification of one's sensuality and a outward show of a woman's feminine confidence. It's not vulgar or overtly sexual, but rather just a "damn that's sexy" way of moving.

I've stated a million times that sensuality is your enjoyment of the world and your own physicality as perceived by your senses. And when you live sensuously, it radiates, translating your sensory experiences into sensual expression and giving a sexy quality to the way you move--and dance--and telling the world that you are comfortable with your body and being you.

Sensuality is not a special talent or skill possessed by only some of us. We all have it, it's just a matter of rediscovering it, nurturing it, and applying it to every aspect of our lives, including the way we move about our world. So whether in the privacy of your own home or the gym or the club, become comfortable in expressing your sensuality and yourself through sensual movement.

Check out this list of sexy dances from around the world. Find classes in your area for those that speak to you. Please note that some of the information is outdated.

Sensual Sound Check

I love music, especially when what my ears hear makes my body smile. Nobody accomplishes this more for me than Maxwell. His music sings to my soul. Check out his his new single, Pretty Wings. First listen as you watch the very simple, but highly sexy video. Then listen again, but this time close your eyes and be very aware of how and where these silky sounds affect you most. Enjoy!

It's Been A Long Time

I know. I've been getting the same question for the past two months, "What happened to the blog? Where the hell have you been?" I am grateful for those of you who are following this blog and passing it along to your friends--please continue to do so--and I apologize for being M.I.A. since April. The past months have been tough for a variety of reasons from the death of my grandmother-in-law to the death of my computer to a writer's block that was unusual and unsettling. But I'm feeling better and in all honesty--one of the things that made this very hard time survivable was my sensuality and ability to lose myself and my troubles in the seasonal change. More on the healing power of sensual living to come...plus lots more on sensuality, sex and much more...soon, I promise!

Why Body Language Counts

So, you spent some good money on an amazing outfit, your hair is done and your makeup flawless and still you find yourself the wallflower once again.

What is your body language revealing about you? Does the way you stand tell the world (and that man) that you are confident, friendly and approachable? Or does it say that you're insecure about your looks and feel out of your league? Or are you screaming to anyone who looks that you really don't feel like being bothered?

Posture and body language can say more about you than anything that comes out of your mouth. So be aware of not only how you look when you leave the house but how you look once you arrived. Stand tall, walk confidently and wear a smile, the best calling card you have at your disposal.

Check out the celebrities and see for yourself how poor posture can make even the most beautiful and expensively dressed starlet fade into the background, while a smile and a little confidence can make any star shine.

Technical Difficulties

I apologize but because of the recent storms that have visited our area, my Internet service has been spotty at best. It is hopefully back for good, and I'll be catching up on my blogging in the next few days. Thanks for your patience. In the meantime, take part in this month's poll. I'm dying to know how many of you are going online to meet people. Back soon!