What's Your Exit Line?

Take note, Washington, D.C., we unleashed a beautiful bevy of friendly flirts this past weekend! Thank you Secret Pleasures!

One of the comments that came up during the workshop was from a lovely single mother who said she didn't like to flirt because she didn't know how to turn off the attention from men she was not interested in. As a result, she'd shut down her charm offense totally, but admitted to missing her flirty side.

I constantly stress to my Stiletto University students is that "You can't be that woman if you can't handle that woman." When you unearth and share with the world your unique personality, energy and style, you can't help but attract attention. Some from admirers you will covet, and some attention from those you don't.

Attracting attention, good or bad, is the nature of the charming beast. IMHO, putting a cap on your feminine fizz is not an option, so learning how to deal with the overflow is important. The first thing to remember is that the majority of admirers are simply gifting you with their positive attention,so even though you may not be interested, they still deserve your courtesy and appreciation for doing what you want the world to do anyway--notice you. You need to send them on their way as pleasantly as possible (don't forget that someone else might be watching). So perfect an exit line that saves their ego and applauds their good taste.

My go-to, (and most effective) exit line is: "Thank you so much, you have made my night, but my husband really gets upset when I date." I deliver it with a killer smile and make my exit.

For the totally obnoxious who simply won't take a hint, I simply excuse myself, saying "I have to call home," walk away and exit to the ladies room or join a group conversation where he will be reluctant to follow.

Be friendly, be firm and continue being flirty. Si find your exit line and get out there and handle your business!

Charming the Mr.

Today's post is for all you wives out there who have forgotten, lost or turned in your flirt card once you said, "I do."

I find that to a married woman's ears, the word 'flirting" has a negative ring to it. Most married women feel that even innocent flirting with other men is a taboo activity left to single women. But what's really sad is that they even stop flirting with their Mr. So let's flip the script and replace the word flirting, with all of its hussy baggage, with the word 'charm', as in charming your man.

It's not unusual for a woman to flirt in order to attract her man and then gradually dismiss her charming side as time, kids and familiarity take over. But every woman should keep her sensual, charming self active and alive. Why? Here are three great reasons:

1) To maintain your sexual relevance as time goes by. Age is no longer a threat to your sexual confidence.

2) Because sexual confidence gives you a sense of control over your own destiny. No more thinking, "No other man will ever want me."

3) To avoid the "intimacy" leak that siphons off marital passions.

Flirting with your husband is a crucial part of a married Weapon of Mass Seduction’s arsenal. Flirting helps keep romance and playfulness alive in your marriage. It should not stop at the altar, nor should it stop at your 25th wedding anniversary. Here are a few steps to get you back to your charming self.

First, develop your sensual persona.

Take time to reacquaint yourself with the sensual you and accept the incredible woman you are—as is, cellulite and all.

Learn to savor yourself, your life and your environment through your senses.

Define your new WMS status by finding and flaunting your five sensual signatures.

Second, turn up the charm.

Find your smile again. It’s amazing how often we don’t smile and a genuine smile is your most effective charming tool.

Practice. Waiters, gas station attendants, the deli guy. Be charming whenever the opportunity presents itself. The better you get the more powerful you’ll feel.

Take those charming feelings and focus on the things that initially attracted you to your husband.

Use those fun, charming moves on him when he least expects it. An unexpected compliment or smile out of the blue will do wonders.

Listen to him and laugh with him. Just as they do on his single brethren, the more he thinks you find him interesting, the more mysterious and alluring you’ll once again become to him.

Have fun and don’t take it all too seriously.

Out of the Mouth of Babes

I was going through my research notes for Weapons and ran across the interviews I did with several men, all of different age, race, economic and marital status, asking them what about women attracted them. As this is a blog on how to be a weapon of mass seduction, I thought you'd be as interested as I was to hear their answers. For the record, all of the men mentioned in some form or another "great tits and a slamming ass," so let's just put that out there now. But beyond that, their answers proved to be enlightened and amazingly quite similar.

1. What about a particular woman who walks into the room do you find attractive and commands your attention? Joe, 59: For me, sensuality is the spark. I can look at a woman and the way she is groomed, really her attitude toward her dressing, catches my eye. That and mysterious confidence. She'll walk into a room, knows she's being checked out but waits to makes eye contact. Doug 26: A woman with a confident demeanor. Someone who's not afraid to get out on the dance floor and have fun, but not a freak either, a "lady" with a little bit of a wild side. But you get all of that from everything about her, walk, talk, dress, who she is with, what drink she orders, how she orders it....you just have to assess well. Ted 39: A soft smile. Her confidence. The way she walks. God-given hair that can be styled in different ways. What she wears and how she wears it. How she innocently but strategically shows off her best attributes. Madison 50: Her style, her energy. It's really about the way a woman carries herself because style and energy will supersede age and looks.

2. What do you find sexy about a woman? Ken 45: Brains. There is nothing less sexy than striking up a conversation with someone who has no idea that a white woman just blasted her black husband out of a Tennessee jail. Or one who has no discernible position on why we are in Iraq. Maybe that makes me a lot different from all the other guys...and it might, but I have always felt this way. I would walk across the room to talk to a girl and I would likely say something witty that was current events or news related and if it sailed above her head I was always looking for away out. That conversation was over! Giuseppe 56: Passion is what makes a woman sexy. The body may not be perfect. The face more interesting than beautiful, but if a woman has charm then I want to know her. Joe: Doe eyes, well manicured hands and feet, subtle imperfections such as a mole on her lower lip or neck. Madison: A woman who communicates that she has a sexual appetite and sexual energy in a subtle way that lets you know she's no freak but she's no lady either. Doug: When my jaw drops while she is wearing flip flops, sweatpants, a sports bra and a hat. Anyone can look good dressed up, but if you can get my while you are bumming it....then you must be a keeper....and probably that little bit of a wild side I talked about earlier.

3. How important is the physical? Joe: Physical is not important if she knows how to work with what she has. If she's self-conscious about certain physical parts of her body and it shows, that's a turn-off. Madison: If she has other things to compensate for the physical--things like wit, intellect, humor, energy and good conversation the physical isn't so important and if she is attractive and has none of the other things it matters even less. Ken: Physical appearance is very important. I dated several women who I didn't feel were "pretty enough" to show to my friends. Then one day one of my friends was telling me about his new lady friend and he said, "You're not going to like her...she's not a beauty queen." And then I asked him when was the last time either of us was in the company of a beauty queen and we both realized that we ought to start worrying more about what we liked about a girl than what our friends liked. Ted: Very important. It's what catches the eye and stirs the imagination to wonder.

4. What's the one thing that will win you over every time? Ken: Brains. Being funny! Being down. Joe: Intelligence, wit, sense of humor, and a great smile. Doug: Gets me every time...that little smirk from across the room to say "Hello." Even if I have been with a girl for years, that will always make me smile. Giuseppe: Eyes that smile at me and tell me what she is really thinking. Madison: If she exudes life-force and sexual energy. That tells me she is into life and is a positive person instead of a complainer. I like a little aggressiveness--enough to tell me that she's independent and not trying to sap my energy. Ted: The combination of her lips, eyes, and smile. All: Great tits and a slamming ass.

Interesting, yes? So what do you think?

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