So Busy, Busy, Busy

I'm so sorry I haven't blogged all month. I am CRAAAZY busy these days, teaching, editing a new anthology and conducting workshops. I'll be back on task later this week. Until then, take time to enjoy every sensual drop of summer 2009 that remains. Let every one of your senses experience summer's end and catch the sensory hints of an approaching fall. Live sensually and make your life come alive!

It's All About the Fit

Lingerie, as delicate as it may sound to you, is really the workhorse of your wardrobe. A good bra will make your clothes fit better and make you look thinner in the process. Here are the steps to finding your correct size. Remember brands will differ in fit, so it's always best to go to a professional at least once a year to make sure you're still in your right size.

Step 1, Measure for Band Size:

Keeping the measuring tape parallel with the ground, measure around your bra directly under your bust after expelling all air from your lungs - you want this measurement to be as small as possible. Round all fractional measurements to the nearest whole number.

If the measurement is even, add 4"
if the measurement is odd, add 5"

Step 2, Measure for Cup Size:

Standing straight, with your arms at your side, measure at the fullest part of your bust (while wearing a non-padded bra) making sure the measuring tape is parallel with the ground and not binding.

Round all fractional measurements to the nearest whole number.

Step 3, Calculate Your Bra Size:

Subtract your band measurement (step 1) from your cup measurement (step 2). Generally, for each inch in difference, the cup goes up by one size. See the conversion chart here.

Example:
Step 1: 34" under measurement +4" = 38" band
Step 2: 40" over measurement
Step 3: 40" - 38" = 2" or Cup "B"
Your size would be 38B

Important Note: this measuring system tends to become less accurate as the cup sizes go above a D. Additionally, some manufacturers name larger cup sizes differently.

The Beauty of Online Bra Shopping

I don’t know about you, but when it comes to the basics, if it’s a choice between ordering online or heading out to the stores, I’ll boot up my computer first every time.

After years of online shopping, I've discovered that doing a little pre-work can save you lots of time and shipping charges on the backside. Especially when you're looking for apparel.

Bras and panties are something I love shopping online for. I do this because I can shop whenever I want and more often than not, I find great deals on my favorites in other colors and/or styles that the department stores don't carry. But before I order anything, I go to a reputable store and get properly fitted and try on different brands. On those fit/try trips, I also try on the beautiful bras that I covet knowing full well that I won’t be buying them there. I try them on so I know how they fit, and then I begin the hunt online to find them and their matching panties at a bargain.

For example, ever since my fit/try to Nordstrom a few months ago (I usually do these trips twice a year) I’ve been stalking two lovely brassieres, the Dentelle by Elle MacPhearson Intimates and the Chantilly Demi bra by Chantelle. GORGEOUS! At Nordstrom, the Dentelle was $65 and the Chantilly a whopping $105! I found both at Freshpair.com in colors the department store didn’t offer and cheaper! The Elle MacPherson bra was $5 less, and the Chantelle, in red no less, was $78 down from $105, plus they offered free shipping on each U.S. order.

Unfortunately, the red bra was not in stock in my size but I just received the Dentelle and it is so gorgeous! I had got it in the French Nude (kind of a peach lace over black). Very ooh la la! Nordstrom only carried in white, by the way. Better yet, the construction is fabulous and offers me not only sex appeal but serious support, and these days I’m all about sexy and supportive! I love the way it showcases the girls, but more than anything I love the way I feel in it.

I’m telling you ladies, wearing great lingerie is like walking around with a delicious secret—a secret you can choose to share—or not. It’s also another way to add a little yummy scandal to your life and nobody has to know! And when you don’t even have to leave the house to indulge yourself, how can you not change your draws on the regular!

So mix a martini, grab your computer and do a shopping for some little sweet nothings. You can check out great lingerie sites as well as some of my other favorite links for places to help unleash the sensual you!

Lingerie To Bring Sexy Back

Bringing Sexy Back: Lingerie that's Sure to Create Some Sparks by Freshpair.com

Too often we find the sparks of a romance burn down to embers as the weeks, months, and years go by. It’s no surprise when at the beginning we take so much time to groom our appearance to tantalize and entice, but as time goes on the effort put in equals the tension that is created…and that tension fades. But throw some of these hot numbers in the mix and you’ll be sure to rekindle your romantic and sensual spirit in no time. It’s all about adding that spark that lights the flame of passion again!

For the bustier girl, what better to put the RRRrrr back in Romance than a sexy and sultry leopard number with the superior fit and technology of Wacoal.



Don’t worry I’m not forgetting those with smaller packages, for the petite girl it’s all about presentation, and proper wrapping I’ve always found impresses, and with removable cookies you could always add in a little extra push to get his attention, try these inserts which can bump you up to a fuller cleavage!

Set it up right, with matching bra and panties you make the full impression. It’s like I mentioned before about packages looking better wrapped, so of course if you leave a corner open you let the mood slip right out! Don’t worry we have some sexy sets that I’m sure will set both of you in the mood for love, lust, and more.



This set from Wacoal Luxe is steaming hot! The double straps and the little peek-a-boo slits on the boyshort will make him think of Jane of the Jungle or some Amazonian goddess with her lingerie barely clinging to her… and he’ll be sure to cling tightly to you!


Chantelle bras fit a real woman, and there is something super sexy about a woman who is comfortable in her own skin and with her feminine curves. This sexy set will honor those curves and make him honor you, as long as you like.


Some pieces just make you stop and stare, and if you pair this with some red lipstick, this gunmetal grey number will stop him in his tracks. Nothing like an alluring set of lingerie to take a man hostage!


I think there is absolutely something to be said for the more subtly sweet of sets, like this pairing from Elle Macpherson. It makes me think Girl Next Door but all grown up. Like a fantasy come true for most guys, and really this set is easy to wear without it wearing you, with just the right amount of everything left to the imagination.

Another more subtle approach by Elle Macpherson, and this one has a lot of what we’ve been talking about, bows that catch the eye and a lovely contrast that draws the eye upward on the bra.

It frames your curves and silhouette in a subtle way reminding him of what a pleasure it is to admire you from afar, and that will make him want to admire you up close at the end of the day.

July Poll Results

Here are your results for July's poll. In response to the query: If I could free my mind:

37% said you'd let your bad girl come out to play

9% said you'd summon the courage to leave your current relationship

20% said you'd leave your job and work your passion

32% said you'd stop worrying about changing yourself and let you be you.

Interesting that the majority of you, 69%, said that if you could free your mind of all of the rules, expectations, and opinions of others, you would basically live life by your own truth. Imagine if you had the strength to do that how much happier your life would be.

Mind over matter, people. Mind over matter. Or as the saying goes,
"If you don't mind, it shouldn't matter."

Take heed, summon your courage, and Do YOU!!

National Underwear Day 2009 at Freshpair.com

National Underwear Day 2009 at Freshpair.com

Hey Ladies, I've decided to partner with Freshpair.com this month to celebrate the sensual deliciousness of wearing beautiful underthings. So all this month we'll be talking lingerie. To get you started, check out the link above for some amazing specials on some sweet nothings for both you and him.



Posted using ShareThis

June Poll Results

Finally, here are the poll results for June.

We asked the question: When it comes to sex, which is more important? Here are your answers:

45% of you said Foreplay

0% of you said Afterplay

39% of you said Both

15% of you said What Happens in the Middle

All in all, not too bad. It's understandable that the majority of you polled stated that foreplay was more important to you. That makes total sense because prolonged foreplay allows both men and women to get physically ready for intercourse, particularly as we age. Psychologically speaking,foreplay builds intimacy and allows both partners to feel loved and cherished, and to enjoy intercourse even more. Bottomline: foreplay is about readying the mind and body for sex.

As important as foreplay is in getting us ready to have sex , afterplay is just as important in getting us ready for the next time. For most women, afterplay is the emotional closure that makes each sexual experience complete. It's the physical expression of intimacy and feelings of closeness that turns sex into lovemaking. Our need to cuddle and spoon, to caress and engage in sweet pillow talk sex is all about feeding our emotional connections with our lover. And it's that connection that makes us look forward to the next sexual experience. Afterplay is a vital part a loving sexual relationship. It should not be ignored.

So 39% percent of you have it right. Both foreplay and afterplay are what makes what happens in between feel so right and delicious, and loving.

Sunglasses

This article is reprinted from Psychologies Magazine. Kind of gives you a whole new appreciation for sunglasses.

In mythology, eyes are the windows of the soul. So the decision to replace transparent windows with impenetrable dark glass - turning them into mirrors - is a psychologically interesting one. Windows answer questions, but mirrors ask them.

Wearing sunglasses often has little to do with protection from the sun's rays and everything to do with making a statement. This makes shades one of the most potent semantic tools in anyone's wardrobe. Nothing else transforms our mood and appearance so quickly and dramatically. Sunglasses offer us a sort of furtive escape from observation. We feel protected, more private. Yet at the same time we achieve greater stand-out.

Wearing sunglasses makes us both unsettling and sexier. Unsettling because our mood cannot be read. The eyes give away more secrets than the lips. Sexier because sunglasses say, 'look at me'. Factor in the variety of styles with meanings of their own - from chic Chanel to aviator-butch Randolph Engineering - and, in terms of meaning, sunglasses put every other accessory in the shade.

Sexitude is Now Closed

Thank you to all of you who have asked about new Stiletto U workshop, Sexitude. Enrollment is now closed. The interest in this sensuality workshop has been phenomenal, in fact it has been so great that not only did we have to move to a larger studio, but how have a waiting list. So please join us in September for the next session. In the meantime, remember--change your sexitude, change your life!

Speaking of Sexitude...

Sorry, I haven't blogged. I've been really busy with several upcoming projects--editing a new erotica anthology, entitled Can't Help the Way That I Feel, planning two private Stiletto U birthday parties this summer for private clients, and the upcoming Sexitude Workshop that begins this week.

So with all this going on, I'm trying to fit in a weekend at the beach with my Mothers Off Duty group. As much as I am looking forward to seeing my girls, going to the beach means wearing a bathing suit. Hmmm. I've been avoiding buying a new bathing suit for a few years now (some of you may recall the cherry red bikini story). So I went today to find a new suit. I swear trying on bathing suits is the most depressing thing, I don't care how great you feel about yourself. You know what I mean, so we we'll just agree that trying on bathing suits is that horrible recurring nightmare come true--you know, the one where you're running around naked in public, mortified and feeling totally vulnerable.

The problem is that when it comes to clothes, I've nearly mastered the art of camouflage. Folks think I'm taller, thinner, and toner than I really am--that's the miracle of knowing what styles flatter you, monotone dressing, and high heels. This allows me to dress age appropriate for let's say, a forty year-old. But a bathing suit? Well, there's just no place to hide. Fifty one is fifty one, in all it's gravity-depraved glory!

Any who, let me get to the point. I passed the string bikinis, maneuvered myself around the unstructured, peek-a-boo one pieces that might as well have been a been bikinis, and slid past the tankinis. I still don't understand those. The ones where the tops are fitted ride up just enough so your muffin top can enjoy the sun, and those that are fuller look like maternity bathing suits. Being 51 and looking preggers is not sexy. Hell, it's not even cute.

I continued my search for the hardware section of the swim shop. You know, where they store all the "look like you lost 10 pounds" and tummy control bathing suits. The ones that have pulley's at the shoulders to hoist up the girls and a steel mesh girdle to keep the baby weight you're trying to lose from your last pregnancy (so what if Eva is 16--you can't drop it overnight, you know!)from spilling out. Well, I checked out that rack and immediately got depressed. They looked like the suits my mom wears. She's 82. Enuf said.

So what rack do I find myself sifting through? THE FRICKIN' SWIM DRESSES!!! At first I am shocked into momentary paralysis. Am I really considering these? Is this what I'd been reduced to? A swim muumuu? But then I see a little Michael Kors number that is downright sexy. My mind is thinking, you look better in dresses than pants--and this is like a little miniskirt. Add a pair of cute little heels--scratch that--you're going to the beach--okay, add a pair of cute little flip flops and this might could work. Of course they don't have the little sexy number in my size, so, being a true believer in potential, I grab several and head to the dressing rooms.

The first two I tried on scared the hell out of me because when I looked in the mirror, that's right, I saw my mother. Trying not to get depress, I soldier on, eliminating the most matronly ones and holding on to the two "hey, this is kinda cute" suits. I alternated trying them on, not completely grossed out but not completely loving either one, and totally lamenting that the sexy little swim dress was not available (I swear if I see some size two chick in that suit next weekend...). But I also was feeling like if I could find the right one, I could own this look. This little swim dress idea had potential. Flirty, sexy, camouflaged potential!! Yeah baby!

So long story short. I did not buy a bathing suit today, but I am on the hunt. I did, however, purchase two adorable cover ups! Funny, how those always fit!

Happy Independence Day!

We're all fighting to be independent, free-to-act-follow-my-own-truth women in at least one area of our lives. Well, in the wise words of '80's diva superstars, En Vogue, "Free your mind, and the rest will follow." Take a listen...and learn.



Happy Fourth of July. Declare your independence with a bang!

New Stiletto U Workshop--Sexitude!

A Sensual Workout for Mind and Body

Sexy is as Sexy Does

What’s your Sexitude? In other words: How do you feel about your sexy self? Have you ever wished you were sexier? Felt more confident in your ability to attract and entice your lover? Wished that you had the courage to match your sensual thoughts with your sexual actions?

Welcome to Sexitude, a three-week, sensual workout designed to unleash the sensuous, sexy you. Whether single or married, young or seasoned, sexually active or celibate, Sexitude is for you. It’s a fun and tasteful combination of mind and movement with the ultimate goal of making you feel comfortable and sexy in your own skin.

Change Your Sexitude, Change Your Life

A confident woman is a sexy woman! During this workout we will talk about ways to bring out the incomparable woman hiding behind all those unrealistic expectations (yours and others), and then teach you how to move it, work it and own it! You’ll learn:

• Ways to bring your sexy back
• How to wake up your mind and body to amp up your love life
• How to move with sensual confidence
• Exercises to make you a stronger and more confident lover

Your Sexitude Instructors

Sexy Mind: Lori Bryant-Woolridge is a best-selling author, sensuality coach and founder of Stiletto U, a program advocating healthy, sensuous lifestyles. She has conducted sensuality classes and workshops around the country, and has been featured in local and national media, including: The Seattle Times, Detroit Free Press, Essence Magazine, Romantic Times, Working Mother Magazine, and Psychologies Magazine¸ and has appeared on numerous radio and television shows across the country.


Sexy Moves: Benita Perkins is a certified instructor and personal trainer. A former professional dancer with the Philadelphia Dance Company, she is the founder of Bennie Girl Health and Wellness Events, Inc., a production company focused on the fitness needs and healthy lifestyles of women. Benita has been hired by various companies and organizations to promote her healthy message, including: Pepsi, American Heart Association, American Diabetes Association, and the NAACP, and has been featured in several national publications including: Heart and Soul, Ebony and Essence Magazines. www.benniegirl.com

Grab a friend, join us and get your summer sizzle on!

Three Thursdays, July 16, 23, 30, 2009
7:30-9:30 pm

Sharon Miller Academy
14 South Park Street 2nd Floor
Montclair, NJ

Tuition: $49 for three sessions
Register NOW! Space is Limited.

For more information or to register email us at
stilettou@yahoo.com and put Sexitude as the subject.

Sexitude is a co-production of Stiletto U and Bennie Girl Health and Wellness

Celebrate your Senses Today

June 24, 2009 has been declared "Celebration of the Senses" day. Okay, I'm not sure by whom, but it works for me, especially if it gives you an 'official' reason to make today a particularly sensuous experience.

Celebrate Your Senses day can be shared with the one you love or the one you're with, even if that 'one' is the one and only you. In a perfect world, you would celebrate it both ways, together and alone.

It doesn't have to be a big, fancy affair. Just so long as you treat yourself to a five sense stimulating experience. It could be as simple as enjoying an ice cream cone together, giving witness to the sweet, sugary smell, the creamy, delicious taste and smooth texture of the ice cream dissolving in your mouth, while enjoying the sights and sounds of the world going on around you. And sharing your ice cream adds an entirely different layer of sensuality to the experience!

You could prepare a meal that sensuous in nature from the menu right down to the table decor and wine selection. Mindful eating--taking the time to enjoy and experience each bite--makes the usual gulp and run pale in comparison. Or maybe you'd prefer a long, luxurious, candlelight soak in the tub followed by a sensual rubdown of your favorite oil or lotion.

It could be all day affair like a day at the beach where you can smell and taste the salt air, hear and see the crashing waves of the ocean, and feel the sand between your toes. Or sitting inside, listening to the rain fall, wrapped up in your silkiest jammies, while enjoying some decadently expensive chocolates, What a way to celebrate your senses!

The point is, it doesn't matter what you do as long as you you do it. It doesn't even matter if it doesn't happen tonight. The beauty of celebrating life through your senses is that it can happen anywhere at any time! And it should!

Zumba!!

Still on my sensual movement soapbox. Last night I took my first Zumba class. It was taught by one of my best friends, Benita Perkins, who is a dancer and fitness trainer. It was FANTASTIC!! To everyone's surprise (I'm not a huge cardio exercise person...okay that's a big fat understatement)I was movin' and groovin' (how damn old am I??)and having a ball doing so. It's fun and I didn't feel like I was exercising at all even though I was exhausted and sweating up a storm. I enjoyed it so much, that not only am I going to continue to take the class but Benita and I are going to hook up to combine messages and do a whole new workshop that incorporates sensual movement. Stay tuned, but in the meantime, if you haven't been introduced to Zumba, check out this and video then check out a class near you.

What Kind of Shoe Are You?

Click on this quiz and find out what kind of shoe you are.

Sensual Movement

One of the things occupying my time while I was away from my blog was the reality show, Dancing with the Stars. DWTS was definitely 'must see TV' for me this spring. I couldn't get enough of it. Sure, seeing the softer, feminine side of rapper Lil Kim was a draw, as was watching the sexy ass of Sex in the City's naked neighbor glide across the floor. Both had a lot to do with keeping me glued to my seat. But more than those two stars, I was mesmerized by the sheer sensuality and passionate nature of the movement.

In fact, going to Argentina and taking tango lessons is one of the items on my every growing 'bucket list.' Also on that list are belly dancing lessons. Both are, IMHO, two of the sexiest dances in the world. Because you see, there is dancing and then there is sensual dancing, and you know the difference the moment you see it. It really doesn't matter if it's choreographed ballroom dancing or just letting loose at club. Sensual movement radiates from within--it contains a fluidity and confidence that reveals the dancer's inner connection with her sensual self. It is the personification of one's sensuality and a outward show of a woman's feminine confidence. It's not vulgar or overtly sexual, but rather just a "damn that's sexy" way of moving.

I've stated a million times that sensuality is your enjoyment of the world and your own physicality as perceived by your senses. And when you live sensuously, it radiates, translating your sensory experiences into sensual expression and giving a sexy quality to the way you move--and dance--and telling the world that you are comfortable with your body and being you.

Sensuality is not a special talent or skill possessed by only some of us. We all have it, it's just a matter of rediscovering it, nurturing it, and applying it to every aspect of our lives, including the way we move about our world. So whether in the privacy of your own home or the gym or the club, become comfortable in expressing your sensuality and yourself through sensual movement.

Check out this list of sexy dances from around the world. Find classes in your area for those that speak to you. Please note that some of the information is outdated.

Sensual Sound Check

I love music, especially when what my ears hear makes my body smile. Nobody accomplishes this more for me than Maxwell. His music sings to my soul. Check out his his new single, Pretty Wings. First listen as you watch the very simple, but highly sexy video. Then listen again, but this time close your eyes and be very aware of how and where these silky sounds affect you most. Enjoy!

It's Been A Long Time

I know. I've been getting the same question for the past two months, "What happened to the blog? Where the hell have you been?" I am grateful for those of you who are following this blog and passing it along to your friends--please continue to do so--and I apologize for being M.I.A. since April. The past months have been tough for a variety of reasons from the death of my grandmother-in-law to the death of my computer to a writer's block that was unusual and unsettling. But I'm feeling better and in all honesty--one of the things that made this very hard time survivable was my sensuality and ability to lose myself and my troubles in the seasonal change. More on the healing power of sensual living to come...plus lots more on sensuality, sex and much more...soon, I promise!

Why Body Language Counts

So, you spent some good money on an amazing outfit, your hair is done and your makeup flawless and still you find yourself the wallflower once again.

What is your body language revealing about you? Does the way you stand tell the world (and that man) that you are confident, friendly and approachable? Or does it say that you're insecure about your looks and feel out of your league? Or are you screaming to anyone who looks that you really don't feel like being bothered?

Posture and body language can say more about you than anything that comes out of your mouth. So be aware of not only how you look when you leave the house but how you look once you arrived. Stand tall, walk confidently and wear a smile, the best calling card you have at your disposal.

Check out the celebrities and see for yourself how poor posture can make even the most beautiful and expensively dressed starlet fade into the background, while a smile and a little confidence can make any star shine.

Technical Difficulties

I apologize but because of the recent storms that have visited our area, my Internet service has been spotty at best. It is hopefully back for good, and I'll be catching up on my blogging in the next few days. Thanks for your patience. In the meantime, take part in this month's poll. I'm dying to know how many of you are going online to meet people. Back soon!

Friday's FYI: Sexplanations, the Science Behind Sex

By Lindsey Palmer & Nicole Yorio

You know that sex makes you feel closer to your guy, that stilettos are totally hot, and that hitting the sheets together feels completely different from satisfying yourself solo — but have you ever wondered why?

Lucky for you, author Jena Pincott sifted through hundreds of scientific studies in order to explain what's behind these and other sexy truths in her new book, Do Gentlemen Really Prefer Blondes? Read on for the answers to three burning questions.

Why do I like and trust him more after sex? You can thank your hormones for this one. "When you cuddle, kiss, or have sex, your body's oxytocin production kicks in," says Pincott. "This so-called hug drug helps you feel closer and more connected by suppressing activity in the part of your brain that processes fear and dampening the production of stress hormones." Orgasm leads to a particularly strong surge of oxytocin. "And because estrogen enhances the effects of oxytocin and we women have much higher estrogen levels than men, we're more likely to experience this touching-leads-to-trusting phenomenon," says Pincott.


Why are high heels sexy? The stuff you strut is more sensual when you're up on your toes, says Pincott: "Heels force your pelvis to tilt so that both your rear end and chest stick out." One study showed that leg lengths 5 percent longer than average are the most attractive, so for most women, a 1.5- to 3-inch heel would create the ideal leg length. "This attraction might be evolutionary, because long legs are associated with better long-term health, which would appeal to a mate," says Pincott. "Plus, much like a peacock flaunts his feathers, which are really quite heavy and a nuisance, a woman teetering in heels can show off her fitness and coordination."

Why is intercourse more satisfying than masturbation?Good sex engages your body and senses (not to mention your emotions) more deeply than masturbation, so it stimulates the production of higher levels of dopamine, the horniness hormone. Now, stay with us here: After orgasm, dopamine levels plummet and another hormone, prolactin, skyrockets to take dopamine's place. "Prolactin is what gives you that feeling of satiety — and the more dopamine you had in your bloodstream during sex, the more prolactin rushes in to replace it afterward," says Pincott. "In fact, prolactin levels are a full 400 percent higher in people when they've just had sex than when they've masturbated." Another one of prolactin's effects you might have noticed: Post-coitus, it puts your partner right to sleep!

Appointments to Make and Keep

As we adjust to the realities of our 'new normal' some of us are as busy as ever, while others are finding more time on their hands. As we strive to restructure our lives, I'd like to propose a list of must-keep appointments to make and keep.

1. Date night. If you're single, this applies to you too. Each week (or if that's not feasible, bi-monthly or even monthly), set aside time for you to romance yourself or your loved one. During these trying times, maintaining intimacy and treating yourself to special moments is paramount to keeping your spirits high.

2. Weekly check-in. Pencil in time each week for an 'I'm okay, you're okay" check-in with your family--be it spouse and kids, parents or siblings. Take the time to make sure you're up-to-speed on the happenings in the lives of the people you love.

3. A visit with Mother Nature. Now that spring is upon us, set aside time each day to commune with nature. Allowing some daily preoccupation with all you hear, see, taste, smell and touch is one way to stay in touch with gratitude and joy.

4. Girl Time. Factor in a little girl time at least once a month. As I have said so often, other women make us better at who we are, so block off a little time to get together with your best friend or friends to lend or receive a little love, laughter and support.

5. Doctor's Office. Good health is sexy. Schedule those appointments you've been putting off. Dental, GYN, annual physical, mammography. Ain't nothing hot about being broke down.

The lesson here? You really are in control of your time, so as the slogan of my mother's group, Mothers Off Duty, proclaims: "Put yourself on the list of people you take care of."

What do you think?

Pull on Your Big Girl Panties

Last night I was celebrating a friend's birthday with a few of my girls. Can I tell you, instead of cocktails it should have been a whine and cheese party. Boy did our conversation cover the gamut. Between strawberry/watermelon martinis, we discussed the bad economy and its impact on everything from our livelihoods, our kid's educations, our relationships and most importantly our attitudes about the future.

You know, alcohol really can be a depressant and sometimes the whole misery loves company thing is way more destructive than productive. For more than an hour our celebration became a pity party and frankly it wasn't fun. The suggestion that we stopped talking about all the negativity and adopt a more positive attitude was shot own by someone who said she could no longer pretend to act positive when everything seemed to be going to hell in a hand basket and she felt anything but. Her argument was that feigning positivity and ignoring reality was just as destructive, if not more, as wallowing in self-pity.

She's right. There is a balance to be struck in order to find a middle ground that is realistically optimistic. And part of striking that balance is the realization that this is one of those times when we need to pull on our big girl panties and realistically deal with the hand we've been dealt while at the same time recognizing that this too shall pass and we will recover.

There is a Japanese proverb that says: Find opportunity in crisis. Maybe the key here is not to feign positivity but instead to find the real thing by embracing the idea that there are times in our lives when we have no other choice but to step back and reevaluate our situations and how we are living our lives. Yes, it's different and adjustment is necessary but there are positives coming out of the new reality. Most of us can no longer afford to buy our way into satisfaction and pleasure. Instead we are eating more dinners at home than out at fancy restaurants. Taking more staycations than vacations. Spending more nights on the couch than on the town. We are being forced to 'find joy where we stand' and more times than not we are standing at home with friends and family. Yes, our lives may indeed be changing but a new norm is presenting itself and it's not all bad. In fact, in many ways it's looking pretty damn good.

So ladies, this is one of those times when being a grown up sucks, but you'll get through this (and by the way, embracing your sensuality is one joyful way to do so...more on this later), and after some reconfiguring and rebuilding, you'll be back stronger and more fabulous than ever.

What do you think?

PS. Of course, even in these trying times your big girl panties should match your bra!

February Poll Results

Here are the poll results for last month's question: Who is it easier to talk about sex with?

50% said their girlfriends

42% said their husbands or lover

7% said they don't talk about sex at all

0% said their children

Kudos to those of you who are owning your sexual selves and sharing with your partners your thoughts, fantasies, doubts and delights.

For those of you who can talk to your girls but not your man, I'd suggest to you that while it's helpful to have the support from sisterfriends, you'll never fully own your sexual selves and until you do, your desire will always remain unfulfilled.

And for those who find it difficult to speak with their children, remember that their sexual values, opinions and hang ups will be shaped by someone--friends, the media, future partners. Shouldn't you have a hand in the process?

Come on! Go talk about sex, baby!

Where Love Throbs

I just finished a long discussion with a Stiletto U student of mine who's feeling in a bit of a quandary. She's been married for nearly five years and is extremely satisfied with her SEX life but is growing increasingly frustrated with her LOVE life. Without revealing any confidences, here's Jesse's (not her real name) issue in a nutshell.

She and her husband are very much in love and in sync in so many areas of their life together, particularly in the bedroom. Lucky girl, she proudly brags of a sex life that is off the chain. She and her man have great chemistry and a soulful connection that expresses itself through lots (and she stresses lots) of creative, loving, satisfying sex. From foreplay to sex play to cuddling together to bask in the after glow, their love is expressed through sex on the regular.

But apparently, that's where the loving gestures stops.

"I know he loves me. He is a good man and a good husband in every way," Jesse expressed, "but where's the romance? It's like the sex is so good that in his mind, it's enough. I hate to complain but I need more."

By more, Jesse means that she still feels the need for romantic expressions outside the bedroom. But emotionally, her husband does little to make her feel appreciated or thought about or admired and valued beyond sex. Cards, gifts, etc. are only part of a scheduled celebration--her birthday, Valentine's Day or their anniversary--and even though she's grateful, they feel kind of trite and predictable.

"I want him to flirt with me other than times he wants to have sex. Everything he says or does that's sweet or complimentary is a prelude to sex."

Jesse confided in me because she doesn't know what to say to him. She's afraid that by complaining she will upset him and their great sex life and despite dissatisfaction in other areas, she does not want to upset that apple cart.

Here's what I told her. First, understand that while love throbs in the chest of most women and spreads south, for most men it is the exact opposite. Men tend to express their love largely through sex. They bond through being physically connected with their woman, and satisfying love making is how a man knows that you love him. Reaching his orgasm is how and when your man feels most connected to you and that's the feeling he longs for and can't get enough of.

(Knowing this fact about men is helpful because it explains a lot about why they crave energy, consistency, passion and frequency when it comes to sex. This is why using sex as a tool of manipulation is counterproductive will never have a good outcome.)

On the other hand, I told Jesse that she has every right to express her need for more
BALANCE in their relationship. And she should approach the subject like any grown woman who OWNS her desire should, by respectfully and honestly letting her man know that she's more than willing to meet his needs as long as he's willing to meet hers.

Here's a sample script I offered her:

"I love knowing that you desire me so much. And I don't want that to change. I want and need the wonderful, luscious, crazy, amazing, loving sex we have but I also need you to make me feel appreciated and special and sometimes, that means doing and giving 'stuff' not necessarily expensive stuff, but tokens of affection that say you love and appreciate, think of me and adore me in and out of bed. It's the little things that make people feel valued. I am not asking for big flourishes, just small and steady shows of affection. I am sure that we can work together to find a happy medium that is meaningful for both of us."

Yes, we girls know that this is basically Girls 101 material, but men can be surprisingly dimwitted (and I mean that in only the nicest way) when it comes to romance, especially when they are already feeling satisfied and filled with love.

But we also can be dimwitted when it come to asking for what we want, and instead of expressing our needs, swallowing them unsaid and letting them fester into anger and resentment.

Let your man know that effort is sexy! If handled gracefully and without confrontation, he'll appreciate your honesty, especially if you let him know that his being nice to you outside the bedroom will only make things better inside!

What do you think?

January Poll Results

In January we asked the question: What keeps you from having more sex?

30% said lack of a partner

8% said lack of interest IN my partner

23% said lack of interest BY my partner

21% said lack of time or energy

15% said lack of confidence

If you look through this blog, you'll see previous posts on sex from sexual chemistry to the importance of sex on the brain that will hopefully help you navigate through some of your issues.

Additionally, listed below are some of the health benefits associated with regular sex. Joy Davidson, Ph.D., a New York sex therapist, says there are 10 distinct ways in which sex has a positive physical effect.

• Relieves stress
• Boosts the immune system
• Burns calories
• Reduces stroke and heart attack risks
• Boosts self-esteem
• Improves intimacy
• Reduces body pain
• Lowers prostate cancer risk
• Strengthens pelvic muscles
• Helps you sleep better

Sex does a body good!

Love Yourself Today

Guess What Your Man Wants for Valentine's Day

It's Valentine's Day and if you haven't already gotten your gift for your mate or you'd like to supplement the one you have with one he'd really enjoy, you're in luck. I did a quick, unscientific poll asking men what they would enjoy as a gift for this Valentine's Day. I was astounded that nearly every response asked for the same things. Here are some their answers. The best part is that these are gifts that won't cost you a cent but will buy you a lot.

"Most men of my generation see Valentine's Day as a day when they are the givers not the receivers, but if I could have anything, it would be the chance to spend some real time together."

"The best Valentine's gift that a woman can give a man is encouragement or any expression of gratitude."

"I think our time on Valentine's Day would be best spent trying to figure out how we can be better spouses/lovers/partners, etc. every other day of the year."

"Support and encouragement is the best - fortunately, I feel like I have that! Also, I want all of my women in my home to be happy tomorrow."

"A card and a kiss--as an old married man. As a young single dating man, I want some gluteous maximus."

"I don't expect anything on this day which would be different from other days. Valentines, like Halloween, has been exploited by the retail industry. Before you tag me as a bah humbug - I love Christmas, Easter, Independence Day, MLK Day - each recognize a historical event or person. The story of St. Valentine has been lost."

"I would like to get through Sportscenter without any interruptions. No questions, no comments, nothing."

"Hell, just give me 60 minutes of uninterrupted sleep."

"A weekend, all paid for, in a nice hotel, room service, and sex all weekend."

"Quality time together. Just a great night--wine, candles, cooking together, just talking and making each other laugh, not dealing with crowds."

Interesting, huh. Encouragement, support, gestures of appreciation, quality time. Wrap it up and put a bow on it!

Join Me for a NY C Workshop February 10

How to Use Your Sensual Power to Enhance Your Love Life AND Your Business Life


Society teaches women that we should feel sensual only when we are acting sexual, but by eliminating sensuality from daily life, we often find ourselves living without truly feeling alive. Sensuality is an untapped empowerment tool that can have a profound effect on the way you view and interact with the world. From the bedroom to the boardroom, learn how to elevate your sensual esteem and tap into your unique sensuality in order to create an extraordinary atmosphere in which to work, live, and love.

~ Rediscover your sensual world

~ Learn to charm, disarm, and S.E.L.L. yourself in an authentically confident way

~ Discover ways to get your sexy back

Date: Tuesday, February 10th

Time: 6:45pm ~ 9:00pm
Mingle, Presentation, Introductions, Door Prizes

Place: T-Salon tea café
Chelsea Market, 75 Ninth Ave, btwn 15 & 16 st. Walk all the way to the back.

Admission: Members $20.00,

Non-Members $25.00,

Cash or Checks preferred

RSVP at 646-932-3237 or robynwws@gmail.com.

Raising Sensual Sons

I was recently perusing the aisles of Victoria's Secrets on a buying trip for my daughter. So there I was in the PINK section (read teen VS), trying to find age-appropriate draws (not too sexy but not too childish) for my soon-to-be sweet sixteen girl and trying to figure out exactly at what point low-rise actually became synonymous with band-aid, when a woman walked through the front door with her son. The mom looked to be in her late 30's and her son, I'd say somewhere between 10 and 12. Hand-in-hand they stepped past the hoodies and sweats; boy shorts, bikinis and thongs adorned with hearts and puppies, and just as they are about to cross the threshold into grown and sexy land, the woman yanked him back and said,

"Close your eyes, there are women's unmentionables in here." She then proceeded to pull this poor boy through the store and up to the cashier's desk to take care of her return.

Okay, so you know I stood there clutching a handful of cotton with that crazy "you're kidding me, right?" look sprayed across my face. I mean we weren't in a sex shop or at a nude fashion show or even the VS Angels runway show for that matter. We were in underwear store--albeit one that caters to those who adore the feel of satin and lace on their skin--but an underwear store nonetheless. I watched as this (IMHO) sad and ridiculous example of the blind leading the blind, and thought, Well there's another one some future woman is going to have to train.

Instead of making her son close his eyes like he was at some kind or dirty little peep show, she should have let him take in the wonderment of ladies lingerie and grabbed this as an opportunity to teach him how to appropriately admire ladies and their sensual ways, beginning with the idea that his mama is a woman. I recognize that these kind of talks can be tough, but I have always found that it's the matter-of-fact, age appropriate message that makes it so much easier to speak about and listen to.

As I stood there, in my mind, I relived a past conversation.

"What are you laughing at?"
"There's no butt in those underwear."
"Well, I guess they do look a little funny, but they have a purpose. When ladies where them under their pants or skirts you don't see the lines of their panties."
"What are those?"
"Garter belts. Some women use them to hold up their stockings instead of wearing pantyhose."
"I'm glad boys don't have to wear that kind of stuff."
"Well, boys don't have breasts so they don't need bras and they wear different kinds of pants so they don't need the same kind of undergarments. Besides I like wearing them."
"Why?"
"Because they make me feel pretty and special."

I pretty much had this exact conversation with my son, who is now nearly 20. Over the years we've had a multitude of conversations ranging from don't diss the third grade girls who like you but you don't like (she is braver than you because she had the courage to tell you how she felt and risk being rejected. You're fortunate that someone likes you that way. Be nice and kind)to oral sex (Oral sex is SEX and all sex is mutual and respectful so don't expect any woman to do for you what you won't do for her)to girls who cry (there is a difference between a girl who cries to manipulate you and one who is genuinely distressed. Recognize the difference, treat both gently but understand that Miss Drama is Her Middle Name, is going to be more trouble in the long run).

Talking is always good, and the mother-to-son conversation is especially important. Ladies, it's our jobs as mothers to counter the asinine and inappropriate media messages our sons receive and teach them to respect and admire women, even in their underwear. We have to help them understand body image and that the airbrushed bodies they covet in those videos and magazines aren't the bodies of most real women and even if they do start out that way, age, childbirth, hormones etc. will alter that temporary perfection. They need to understand the difference between sexy women and tempting tramps and to respect themselves enough to walk away from what may be readily available but potentially troublesome. You need to show by example that smart and confident is the kind of sexy that is true and lasting.

Come on moms, help an up-and-coming sister out. Teach your sons to be a respectful, responsible, tender, appreciative husband and lover for the lucky girl out there who will eventually be his.

What do you think?

250 Years of Seduction in Fashion

The Museum at the Fashion Institute of Technology presents "Seduction," the first chronological survey to explore 250 years of sexuality in fashion.

Seduction is traditionally defined as an act of temptation and enticement, often sexual in nature. Throughout history, men and women have utilized seductive clothing to enhance physical attractiveness, as well as to convey a sense of power and social status. The Museum at FIT presents "Seduction," the first chronological survey to explore 250 years of sexuality in fashion.

Featuring at least seventy looks and forty accessories, "Seduction" examines the complex relationship between seduction and clothing, presenting a visual history of sexuality, moral standards, and social norms - all observed through the prism of fashion. Examples include a black satin Belle Époque corset, red satin Manolo Blahnik stilettos, and a skintight black leather evening gown by John Galliano for Christian Dior.

"The proximity of clothing to the body is inherently sensual, conveyed through the strategic interplay of exposure and concealment," said Colleen Hill, curator of "Seduction."

"Seduction" is on view through June 16, 2009 in the Fashion and Textile History Gallery at The Museum at FIT. Admission is free.

Redefining Sex

How do you define sex?

If you’re like most people, your definition probably includes begins and ends with the words, ‘intercourse’ and ‘orgasm.’ Well, ladies, I think it’s time we had a discussion about redefining sex beyond intercourse.

The clinical definition of sex is the one that most of us use to define our own ideas on what sex is. Clinically defined ‘intercourse’ is the penetration of a vagina with a penis, culminating with male ejaculation. This is very different from ‘sex,’ which includes all sexual techniques, big and small, designed to create and enhance intimacy and physical pleasure, whether or not orgasm is achieved.

Why is defining what sex is for yourself so important? Because when you do, each tender loving, erotic moment is still ‘sex’ and the wasted energy expended on anger and guilt for not 'putting out' is gone. By redefining the sex act, you are also training yourself and your lover that cuddling, kissing, petting etc. is all good and that there are times when ‘sex’ comes on your terms.

We women are so caught up in the erroneous perception that our role in the bedroom is that of sexual servant and partner pleaser that we have given up not only consideration for our own pleasure but also the incredible POWER that we possess but rarely, if ever, tap into.

This is an important lesson for women to learn from the gitgo because as life progresses and more life events occur i.e. marriage, children, menopause, and god-forbid, illness, managing your (and his) sexual desires and expectations becomes increasingly important.

What do you think?

December Poll Results

Here are your poll results for December. The question was: All I want for Christmas is...

7% said More Time for Me
17% said More Money
20% said More Love
50% said More Sex
47% said All of the Above

I love you, my lovely, lusty ladies! Half of you said you wanted more sex in your life while nearly the same said you want it all.

So the question is: What are you going to do to bring more of what you want into your life? Are you going to stand aside and wish for what you want or step up and make things happen?

While our nation and the world is in the midst of this major correction and busy trying to find its center, you should be taking this opportunity to prepare yourself for the life you want. You can line up and be part of the B & M chorus (that's bitch and moan) or you can be part of the Do and Be crowd. Take a guess which group is going to achieve results faster?

How do I get started, you ask? First sit down and interview yourself about what you love and hate about your life as it is right now. Make two lists, one of all the things you truly want to eliminate in your life this year. All the negative, toxic things that are keeping you from being the magnificent woman you are meant to be. Be honest but gentle with yourself. Read it out loud and then burn the list as a sign of your unburdening yourself of these things.

Make a second list of all the great things you love about who you are and what you do. Use this list to build upon the positive changes you want to create during 2009.

Then take the rest of this month to hone in on your top priorities for change in your life this year. Put them in order of importance to you and under each, list just three ways you can start NOW to make these things come to fruition. Three things. They don't have to be huge. They can be small as long as they move you forward. So if you want to bring more love (or sex or money or truth) in your life, list three ways that you can begin that process. Work on one priority at a time or all at once, depending on your ability to multitask.

Here are a few of my favorite saying that you can adopt to spur you on: Where your mind goes your butt follows. Change your attitude; change your life. Wishing doesn't make it so. Seek Balance, Find Happiness.

What do you think?

Snow Angels and Other Gifts of Innocence

Happy 2009! I've finally sat down (okay sobered up) long enough to reflect a bit on Christmas past.

I don't know about you, but I was happy as hell to see 2008 head on out the door (with the imprint of my size 8 stiletto planted firmly on its behind). What a year! Yes, we elected President-elect Obama but that joy was swiftly replaced by the reality of a deep economic recession that touches all of us--no matter how high or low on the hog we're accustomed to living. By Thanksgiving we were all left feeling scared, uncertain, vulnerable and just a little bit helpless.

And then the holiday season kicked into high gear and with it the need to give our families (particularly our kids) the kind of comfort and joy they are used to feeling around this season, while now, we broke-ass Santas were feeling a lot less jolly.

But, as they say, with every cloud there is a silver lining. I decided to let go and let God but also loose and let laughter reign. Once I stopped worrying about the fact that I couldn't surround myself or family with the high pricedthings this Christmas, I had this major 'ah ha' moment. A lot of expensive stuff may not be possible but I could surround them with pleasure and that's when I decided to give myself and my family the gift of returned innocence.

First, I made the house look and smell as joyous as possible. Fresh pointsetta plants, cinnamon scented pine cones and candles, a fresh pine tree decorated with treasured ornaments and colorful lights (wasn't in the mood for serene, classic white lights this year). Candlelight sparkled everywhere, every night. Music filled the house and though there was more room under the tree than in previous years, Christmas was alive and well in the Woolridge household.

Without all the shopping to do, we rediscovered how amazing the season could be. We cooked for family and friends--everything from gumbo to pork tenderloin with red onion jam. I also took myself into Manhattan for the sole purpose of walking, watching, window shopping and really enjoying the holiday ambiance--something after all of these years of living just outside of the city I rarely did. I didn't step foot into one store but instead witnessed a true wonderland. The majestic tree and colorful ice skaters in Rockerfeller Center, the decorated shop windows, the horse drawn buggies and the amazed and happy faces of tourists who picked a great time to witness New York City for the first time. The herds of smiling face blocking the streets as the Radio City Hall Christmas show let out. I sat in St. Patrick's Cathedral and prayed and meditated for a better year for all of us and was gifted by a chorus of angels rehearsing for Christmas mass.

It was fabulous, soul-stirring, smile-rendering and but for train fare--free.

And then it snowed. My world was covered in white, glistening snow just as Christmas time should be. And leaving behind all of their video games, ipods, iphones, and on- line social sites, my nearly grown kids went out and played in the snow. Snowball fights ensued, snow angels took flight and hot chocolate awaited them.

Santa regifted us with innocence this Christmas. It kind of sounds corny as I write this all down but to let me know that 2009 is going to be all right after all. It also reminds me that sensual living usurps material living any and every day.

What do you think?