Until I Return

Somebody sent the videos below to me and I had to share them with you. So have a few chuckles until I post again. Enjoy!

How To Think Like A Woman

Hey Honey, Let's Take A Sexy Bath Together

Get Ready for a Sexy September

I'm sure you've noticed that my blog entries have been a little lacking this month. I apologize, but see what had happen was, first, some kind of technical snafu with blogspot kept me from blogging, and then with all of my book touring and personal vacation time and getting my son ready to leave for college next week, well finding time to blog has been tough.

So WMS is officially on hiatus for the rest of August and will return on September 6 for a month dedicated to thoughts on S.E.X. The things I want to discuss involve feeling good about sex as a woman; about knowing how to do more than turn on your lover, but also how to recognize your own sexual power and how to use the power of the punani to benefit you and your partner. We'll be talking about looking at new ways to apporach sex--with an eye on playfulness, a sense of adventure and a commitment to your own pleasure.

So enjoy the rest of your summer and get ready for a Sexy September! In the meantime, if you have any questions, comments or suggested topics send them along to mass.seduction@yahoo.com

Until the sixth, think sexy thoughts!

Stiletto Camp Registration is Now Closed

Thanks to all of you who wrote in to volunteer for Stiletto Camp. Registration is now full but you'll be able to read all about on a sister blog. Stay tuned for information on where to tune in.

Scandalous!

My kids, little jokers that they are, gave me a book two birthdays ago that I just now picked up to peek through. The title? Old Age Is Always 15 Years Older Than I Am. Ha! Ha! Kids. They're so doggone funny. The only reason I decided to even crack the cover is I was looking for a quote to use on my mother's 80th birthday invitation.

But instead of a birthday quote, I stumbled across a little ditty that has captured my attention for the past few days. It's by Oscar Wilde, who after looking into many of his quotable statements, is one man I would have loved to sit down and have a martini with. Here's what Oscar said: "One should never make one's debut with a scandal; one should reserve that to give interest to one's old age."

The entire idea of being scandalous intrigued me. So I've spent the last few days rolling the word around my mouth and took the time this weekend while I was enjoying myself in Sag Harbor to noodle around the concept of being scandalous.

The dictionary defines it as: "behavior offensive to propriety or morality." Hmmm. To make sure I had a true understanding of the definition I had to flip back a few pages and look up 'propriety,' which is "the quality or state of being proper and also defined as "the standard of what is socially acceptable in conduct and speech." Hmmm.

Okay now I'm feeling just a little bit annoyed because just who is the arbitrator of what is socially acceptable? I mean who is actually in charge of dictating to me and the rest of us the nuances of what's socially or morally right?

I mean beyond the Ten Commandments and other generally agreed upon rules like no talking to the screen all through a movie or liberally peppering your speech with the MF words at your preschoolers parent/teacher conference or using all the toilet paper and not replacing the roll or sleeping with your best friend's man, who is the wizard behind the curtain playing the grand 'decider?'.

When I think about the women in history who are considered sensual and sexual icons, many of them are considered scandalous in some form or fashion. Think about it: Cleopatra, Mae West, Coco Chanel, Marlena Dietrich, Marilyn Monroe, Josephine Baker, Eartha Kitt, Sophia Loren, Elizabeth Taylor, Diana Ross, Madonna, Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Lopez all women who by living, working and loving on their own terms often created controversy and concern among the keepers of society's social and moral compass. They didn't live in fear of being judged. Their fear was living without feeling alive.

These women lived by their own moral code and rules and while some choices led them down rather destructive paths, others led to great success and happiness and both paths led them towards an authentic life...one that for good or bad, right or wrong, was dictated by their own sense of individual truth.

The more I think about it and the longer I live, the more I become a quiet advocate for living scandalously. Free yourself from the opinions and of other people's opinions about what's right or wrong and do what you have to do to live a life that is full and joyous and satisfying on your terms.

Put a little scandal in your life. It doesn't have to be major what-the-hell-are you-thinking-Lindsay Lohan-Paris Hilton-Brittany Spears-is you crazy-tabloid scandalous. Hell, nobody but you needs to know. But certainly do something that excites you; that feels right to you; that is in keeping with your own truth and your own moral code but makes you step outside the boundaries that other people, whether parent or pastor, have placed on you.

Find an area in your life to be a little outrageous. Wear red nail polish or lipstick; buy some skimpy lingerie to wear under your church clothes; unbutton those top three buttons and show a little cleavage; raise your hem two inches; take a skinny dip; pull out that list of sexual tricks and treats you've been too intimidated to try and check them off one by one; make love on the balcony; take a trip by yourself and discover something new about yourself; buy a vibrator or if you have one, share it with your lover; plan a vacation at a hedonism resort and give into your pent-up guilty pleasures; eat really expensive chocolate instead of salad for lunch; go commando. Learn to tango (did you know that the tango was originally danced in the brothels of poor neighborhoods because it was considered to be scandalous? Now, you can simply turn on the tube to Dancing with the Stars. Whose heart didn't skip a beat when that sexy little Mario tangoed his sexy butt off? Now that's entertainment).

Do something that you don't ordinarily do because other folks think you shouldn't. Follow Oscar Wilde's advice and include a little scandal in your life to give you and it interest,spice and memories that bring a sly smile to your lips. Eliminate regret...and failure...from your vocabulary. And if that's not possible, consider that it's better to regret something you DID instead of something you DIDN'T do.

Scandalous women are sexy. Why? Because passion, confidence, individualism, fearlessness, excitement, curiosity and a sense of adventure are all the prime ingredients to scandalous personality. And being scandalous doesn't require that you lose your sense of integrity and honesty, just that you lose your fear of being authentically you.

So, set your own boundaries and when in doubt fall back on these Universal truths: Love. Seek Joy. Do No Harm. Live the Truth. Still not sure?

India.Arie said it best, "You know the truth by the way it feels."

What do you think?

Be The Flame...

I've always had a motto about men. Simply put, "Let them be the moths, I am the flame." As I look back and try to figure out when and where this notion got planted in my head, I can only come up with my parents. I mean, they never said such a thing, but their rules ultimately shaped my thoughts and actions.

I wasn't allowed to date until I was sixteen (couldn't even have phone calls from boys until I was fifteen), so aggressively pursuing a boy or even looking for a boyfriend was a mute point. Of course I was too mortified to tell boys that my house rules were so strict, so I went about the business of developing my own interests and in the process also developed an air of friendly nonchalance that apparently proved to be intriguing.

Despite the fact that I thought my parents were brutally unkind, now I see that I actually learned three valuable lessons in those early years: 1) boys like a bit of a chase; 2) staying busy doing my own thing--whether work or play--was a good thing because having my own life and interests is an important part of any relationship; and 3) boys will always find you, especially when you're not looking.

So I repeat: Be the flame.

Being the flame gives you a very positive attitude to wrap your mind around (and we all know, where your mind goes, your butt follows). Flame glows. Flame attracts. Flame lights the way and warms the path. Flame welcomes and mesmerizes. Flame is white hot!

Be the flame because when you're the moth, you simply become one of several flitting around someone else's light waiting and hoping that you'll get noticed (and increasing your chances of getting burned). When you're the moth, you give the flame the power to pick and choose; to validate and make you feel attractive and wanted. Bump that...BE THE FLAME!

I know, easier said than done. Well let's talk about a few ways to make sure your flame burns big and bright enough to attract the moths with the right stuff.

1) Change your attitude, change your life. Stop living with the moth mentality and let your light shine. Stop believing that basking in the light of some man's flame will make you happy and start tending to your flame. Building and basking in a secure, self-confident fire within is the secret to your happiness.

2) Work to make your flame a beacon of welcoming light and warmth--not a fire hazard. We are so worried about how lovable we are that we don't stop to consider what is the quality of the love we give.

3) Begin to recognize the attributes in other women whose light you admire. She might even be the one you constantly refer to a 'biyatch,' when you are suffering with acute EBS (evil bitch syndrome). It is important to understand that the attributes you admire (and probably envy)and are drawn to in other women are most often those hidden assets that you have yet to acknowledge in yourself. So instead of player hatin', look, listen and learn from the flames around you. Bring these things out in yourself and watch as your flame gets brighter.

4) Work on your sensual, signature style (see early posts)to make your flame unique and individual while enhancing your best qualities and letting your perceived flaws go up in smoke.

5) Stop believing that only certain moths should be attracted to your light. Don't limit your options with some small-minded list of flame-retarded choices. The moth you turn away because his wings aren't the right size or color or his cocoon isn't big enough may just be the moth of your dreams. And even if he's not the ultimate moth, the lesson he may be there to teach you may be the one that will help draw Mr. Right to your flame.

Be the flame.

What do you think?

Sunnin' and Funnin'

I saw this image and decided I had to use it in a blog entry and this was supposed to be about being safe and sexy in the sun. It reminded me of the first and only time I got sunburned to the point of excruciating discomfort. I was in college. I went down to Puerto Rico with a friend and did what we always did back there-- slathered on some Johnson's baby oil and sat on the beach looking young and fly. My first time out of the country too. No body mentioned that the sun is slightly stronger down yonder. I got burned from my eyelids to my toe nails and everything in between. The trip home was a nightmare as anything that touched my body--threads even--hurt like hell. Never again, I promised myself and unlike my promise to give up Dunkin' Donuts, I kept that promise.

But as I sat down to write all that came to mind is the last time I visited a nude beach--Orient Beach in St. Maarten, July 2005--to pinpoint my last venture au naturale. And that led me to think about the first time I'd ever tip-toed out to a nude beach--the same beach in 1986 on my honeymoon. And that got me thinking about all the years that have gone by in between--oh hell, let me start from the top.

My husband and I went to St. Maarten on our honeymoon. I was a young, nubile newlywed of 26 married to a curious, very adventurous younger man who has always had a great body and has never been afraid to show it. It was his idea to check out Orient Beach, and though I was feeling a bit shy about the whole thing I agreed. Of course, the man was out of his clothes in the parking lot! I had to laugh--even back then I was about going with the flow (though frankly, I had no intention of taking off my swimsuit). We ambled down to the beach, which was surprisingly empty. All the better. While I stripped down to my bikini and set up our picnic, my husband walked down to the shoreline to check out the surf (okay and to let me check him out!) and then proceeded to make himself comfortable on the blanket in the sand.

Then the parade started and I realized we were an anomaly on this stretch of clothing optional sand.

It began with a heavyset man whose stomach provided a sunscreen for his privates (you get the picture and it wasn't pretty!). Next a tall, skinny couple, where everything on both of them was hanging and swinging in the ocean breeze. They proceeded to frolic in the surf, hot, happy and naked as jaybirds. Right there I realized that this was no St. Tropez. No Rio di Janiero. No exquisite bodies oiled up and oozing sex. Matter of fact, Craig and I were the only hot bodies to be seen.

That knowledge and a little prompting led me to remove my top. A few hours later, with the realization that nobody gave a damn and a little more spousal prompting, off came the bottoms. But even with the best body on that land (and when the hell would that ever happen again?) and my man by my side, I still didn't feel truly comfortable in my skin' and before I wound up with some wacky tan line--one hand print on my upper arm and one on my thigh--I closed my eyes, turned over and let my butt take all the heat. Still, I had to admire the fact that these old folks were oblivious to their imperfections or my judgemental eyes. They were just enjoying the sun and surf in their birthday suits--wrinkled and worn as they might be. I had to applaud their daring.

Fast forward twenty years. I'm back on Orient Beach, this time all by my lonesome, blissfully minding my own business, editing my book, and enjoying the sun kissing my naked body (okay this is actually part two of the red bikini story I wrote about in May.) I was full frontal and didn't give a damn who saw (Okay, in full-disclosure, I did take a little time to position body parts so they weren't slipping under my armpits and my stomach appeared flatter than it actually was. And okay, even in my late 40's I was still among the youngest and most fit bodies on the beach, amazing how much the 70 plus crowd likes to strut around nekked.) But the huge, most telling difference was that I was relaxed and enjoying myself because unlike when I was a young newlywed, I'd taken the sex out of this adventure and was simply enjoying the sensuality of the experience. I had no worries about being judged as a sexual object and the only bodies I noticed were the occasional, fully clothed, twenty somethings ambling down the shore trying not to gawk and laugh at us old-timers happily enjoying nature in the buff. They were curious about the idea of a nude beach but not courageous enough to experience it. I had laugh as I thought back to myself at their age. Age does bring wisdom and courage and a spectacular "I don't give a damn, deal with it" attitude that goes along way in making like more enjoyable and a hell of a lot less stressful.

So what's the point of this rambling set of memories? First, I'm not proud of the fact that my comfort level ebbs and flows only by comparison. Even I have yet to master the lesson 100% of the time that being myself, exactly the way I am, is fabulous and can never be wrong. Secondly, whether it's a nude beach, taking a trip without your spouse or painting your toenails and fire engine red, occasionally challenge yourself to do something daring and outside of your comfort zone. Only then will you recognize how much fuller and funner (I know it's not grammatically correct--I should say more fun, but I like the way fuller and funner sounds) life can be when you are brave and adventurous. And lastly, wear sunblock every time you leave the house. Keep that birthday suit healthy and wrinkle free just in case Orient Beach or some other naked adventure comes up in your travel plans!

What do you think?

Looking for A Few Good Women

Hi Ladies,

I am looking for five more women (preferably married or in a committed relationship) looking to get their sexy back and are game for participating in my Stiletto Camp--six weeks of individual coaching intended to help you become the beautiful, sensual, confident wife and partner you were meant to be.

In addition to a Stiletto Camp workbook with exercises designed to unearth your authentic sensuous you, you'll receive:

A weekly, one hour, individual coaching sessions by phone

Two WMS support group conference call meetings

A weekly motivational email

Unlimited email access

WMS gift pack

In return for the services above, I will ask you to allow me to document your progress for inclusion in my new, nonfiction book. Of course, all names and identifying details will be changed to protect your identity.

This complimentary camp officially begins October 1, 2007, so grab a girlfriend and take the first fun and empowering step towards becoming a more sensual, more charming, more successful YOU.

To enlist, email your name, address, phone number to me at mass.seduction@yahoo.com Tell me your story and why you'd like to participate. You'll be hearing from me and before you know it, getting your sexy back! Deadline to register is Sept. 1, 2007. Hurry! Only five spots remain.

PS This post is separate and above the Tandi Cruise offer.

What's Sexy?

My daughter, who is 14 and about to enter high school this fall, finally said the "S" word. She told me she wanted to be "sexy." When I asked her to explain to me what she thought sexy was, she, like most of us, was at a loss for words. So I of course took the opportunity fill in the blanks for her.

My first response to her was "Sexy is a clean body. Sexy is fresh breath. Sexy is skin that's soft and not ashy." "Sexy is a genuine smile." "Sexy is a clean room." (okay, that was a little behavior modification, but it can't hurt!). "Sexy is clean underwear." Apparently that wasn't the message she was trying to hear, (but believe me I'll be in her ear with it for the duration) and she all but knocked me down trying to answer her cell phone.

Well that conversation got me to thinking and I decided to share with you what other things I think are sexy. Okay, truth is, I was on a roll with nobody to listen. So here we go!

Kindness is sexy. Laughter is sexy. Realness is sexy. Smart is sexy. Humor is sexy. Bold is sexy. SAFE is sexy. Truth is sexy. Confidence is sexy. Passion is sexy. Quirky is sexy. (Strange is not!) Individualism is sexy. Mystery is sexy.
Compassion is sexy. Fairness is sexy. Natural is sexy. Loving God is sexy. Love yourself is sexy.

These are all the things I want to explain to my daughter when she is willing to listen. I want her to know that she is sexy because she is who she is. That sexy isn't a mold every woman has to stuff herself into. It doesn't come in a bottle and she won't find it hanging on the size 2 rack. That she has the right to be sexy on her own terms and she shouldn't judge hers, or anyone else's sexiness by any rigid cultural, societal or media implied standards.

She is the new (and improved) sexy and, so by the way, are you.

What do you think?

I'll Be Back

Hope you are enjoying your summer.

I'm so sorry I haven't been writing the blog but June has been a big, happy, stressful, delightful, busy month for me and my family. Still traveling promoting Weapons of Mass Seduction and both my kids and a niece and nephew graduated this month. So I've been in Mommy mode all month.

I have, however been coming up with all kinds of hot ideas to blog about. So, I'll be back and until then, be charming, be sexy, be YOU!

Win A Spot in My WMS Stiletto Camp

What better place to get your sexy back than on the beautiful Caribbean sea! Join me on the Tandi Cruise Getaway on September 2-9th. We'll meet in Tampa and then sail to exotic spots in the Western Caribbean like Belize, Cozumel, Costa Maya and Cayman. While on board, I'll be giving a complimentary Weapons of Mass Seduction workshop guaranteed to amp up your girls skills and make your cruise all the more fun.

And as a special treat, the first ten ladies who send me proof of their booked cruise will win a WMS gift pack and a spot in the WMS Stiletto Camp--six weeks of individual coaching designed to help you become the beautiful, sensual, confident woman you were born to be. Week One begins on the cruise. Here's what you'll get while on board:

Complimentary WMS Workshop on our first sea day

The six week Stiletto Camp Workbook with ways to unearth the sensual you

Daily WMS Breakfast roundtable and morning motivational walk

A Get Your Flirt On excursion on board

And when you get home, Stiletto Camp continues for five more weeks. In addition to your workbook exercises you'll receive:

Five one hour, individual weekly coaching sessions by phone

One WMS support group conference call meeting

Five weekly motivational emails

Unlimited email access

A WMS Unleash The Sensual You Deck of 31 Affirmation Cards


The registration fee for my six-week stiletto camp is usually $475 but for the first ten of you cruisers it's FREE!

So grab a girlfriend and take that first fun step towards a more sensual, more charming, more successful YOU!

For more information on the cruise and to book your cabin go to www.tandicruisegetaway.com then email your name, address and phone number to me at mass.seduction@yahoo.com Once I've confirmed your booking, you'll be hearing from me and before you know it , getting your sexy back!

Next entry, I'll explain why I love cruising so much, why it's the perfect place to find your sensual self, and how on cruise, I got my sexy back (get your mind out of the gutter y'all!)

More Q & A

I hope at least a few of you heard the Cocoa Mode show on XM this weekend. It was was great and we had a lot of fun talking about bringing our sexy back. If you didn't catch it, go to Cocoamode.com and click on 'listen to the show.' Shawna(who is one of the best in the business, ya'all)says the link should be up any day now.

Before I launch into the questions and answers, let me take a moment to thank the men who called into the show confirming everything I've been telling you ladies. Men are attracted to CONFIDENT, FRIENDLY, ATTRACTIVE WOMEN. And don't misunderstand, by "attractive" they (and I) mean well-groomed and nicely put together. Yes, they may have a physical preference, but for 98% of them, that preference can be easily replaced by a woman who walks in the joint carrying herself with a "proud to be" strut and a smile on her face. Attitude (the GOOD kind) works wonders.

Moving on...

I received to questions that I thought were really worth sharing because they spoke to the concerns of so many of you out there. The first is from Lisa, a thirtysomething mother of one who is stuck in a very unsexy rut. The second question is from Patrice, who is battling an illness and feeling sexy is the last thing she has on her mind.

Q: With a three-year-old and a job and a husband I don't have time to bring sexy back. How do I incorporate all this into an already too full schedule?

A: Let me remind everyone here again that sensuality is much more encompasssing than just a mere sexual perk. To be sensual merely means living life through your five senses. It is the joyous preoccupation with what you see, smell, touch, hear and taste. With the right state of mind you can turn any task into a sensual experience--eating, walking, dancing, gardening, laundry, showering--you name it.

Here are three suggestions to get you started: Take at least one daily chore and turn it in to a sensory experience. Let's use the laundry for example. Instead of simply plopping the towels from the dryer down on the folding counter and commence to folding, bring them to your nose and smell the fabric softner, rub your fingers through the soft terry nap before bringing to your face for a soft caress across your cheek. (scroll down and check out the video about doing the laundry the real WMS way)

Take at least ten minutes each day to treat yourself to a sensory delight. Whether it be listening to soul stirring music, eating a piece of luscious decedant chocolate, rubbing yourself down with delicious smelling body lotion or watching the world from your window, demand this sensual time for yourself.

Savor mealtime. At least once a week treat yourself and your family to some sensual dining. Make your meals tasty incorporating assorted testures and tastes and servie them in a visually pleasing manner. Candles and flowers on the table help. Take the time to taste and enjoy every bite as you savor your meal and the company of your love ones.

Getting back in touch with your sensual side will go a long way towards making your life seem more beautiful.

Q. I have Lupus. Feeling sexy is the last thing on my mind.

A. Whether due to illness or life's ups and downs, it's perfectly reasonable that a woman doesn't feel sexy all the time. But by tying sex to sensuality you are cheating yourself out of so many of wonderful experiences. Don't sell you or your quality of life short because things are not in primo order to live a sexy life. And let's be real, who lives that way all the time anyway? Reclaim your sensual self and by the time you are feeling sexy again you'll notice a new and improved sexy you!

If you have a question. Send them on. mass.seduction@yahoo.com

Remind Yourself Everyday That You are a WMS

Do these pants make my butt look big? Good.

First I seduce myself. He is merely an afterthought.

I live my truth and make no excuses.

Today is a high heel kind of day.

When I feel like a sensual woman, I behave like one.

Being myself is always right.

Confidence is Mother Nature's push-up bra.

...and 24 more

This collection of sensual reminders was created from the pages of WMS, by Inspire and Affirm to remind you everyday what a Weapon of Mass Seduction YOU are!


This Inspiration Keeper is a fun burgundy box with a mirror to practice looking at your charming self. Display a card in the funky Lucite frame. The rose petals remind you to appreciate your sense of touch.

If you'd like a set for yourself or a friend, log on to www.inspireandaffirm.com

Tune in to Cocoa Mode for a WMS Tune Up

Want to know how to amp up your sensual arsenal to a nuclear level just in time for a red hot summer?

Then turn on Cocoa Mode with host Shawna Renee, Saturday, June 2 @1:00 pm on The Power, XM Channel 169

Back by popular demand, I'll will be in-studio for a roundtable discussion on sensuality and flirting. Shawna and I take your calls and give you tips on becoming the sultry and sensual woman you were meant to be.

Summer '07 is going to be HOT!

What I Learned from Carrie Bradshaw

Despite what many TV Watch groups think, you can learn a lot from TV--even when the show you're watching is, on the surface, about the fabulously, frivolous things in life--shoes, purses, cocktails--and always the men for good or bad, we love and lust after.

I don't think there are many WMS who haven't seen at least one episode of the pop culture classic, Sex in the City. That show was the program that gave the concept of being a woman who lives her own truth wings. It was our Star Trek, daring to go where no man had gone before to explore the female psyche.

Each one of those characters was flawed and fabulous, each had her own unique idea of what was right and wrong for her. Samantha wanted to be an full-out sex goddess, and she was. Charlotte wanted to be an uptown society wife, and she was. Miranda wanted to be it all--superlawyer/supermom, best friend, and she was. Carrie wanted to explore and discover and enjoy herself and her life as it unfolded, and she did. Each was sexy and interesting in her own way.

They each lived their personal version of life with no apologies. Oh sure, there were often consequences for some of their decisions--they got their hearts broken (and broke a few themselves)--but they weren't afraid of living and loving full out accepting the sunshine with the rain, the joy that was sometimes laced with pain. They were quintessential Weapons of Mass Seduction who were fearless and confident--even when they had to fake it until they make it.

Carrie was the one I most related to. Probably because she was a writer and loved shoes and kind of flew by the seat of her fancy pants. And when it came to men, she definitely did not have a type. Millionaire or carpenter, struggling novelist or world renown artist, Carrie went with the flow, falling in love with who was sexy and interesting to her at the moment. I saw myself in her struggles and her joy.

So, what should I have learned from Carrie Bradshaw and why am I even bringing up a show that hasn't filmed a new episode in years? Well, remember the episode when Carrie's hard drive died? She lost everything, all of her columns and other parts of her life that were chronicled on her computer. It killed her because, you see, for writers, our computers are the scrapbooks and journals of our lives. Photos, files, emotions, ideas, secrets--everything is stored there. That hard drive represents our livelihood, our passions, our loves, our past, present and future.

So like Carrie, I lost everything on my hard drive last Thursday, the day before my birthday. Like Carrie, I hadn't backed up my stuff (long story, too long to get into here). And like Carrie, I wrapped my baby up and took her to the computer doctor, who sadly informed me that they'd done all they could but everything was lost, including the latest version of my next book (good news, a friend had a copy and sent it to me!).

So, last week, I spent my birthday on Friday through the Memorial Day weekend, in a Silver Patron daze. I gave myself a combination pity/birthday party and refused to be upset by the fact that years of work and memories were lost. Then today I sobered up and tried to find the lesson behind this.

Here's what I came up with: The past is lost but I have every ability to build anew and create from scratch the next chapter of my life. Nothing is written in stone. I have a new hard drive in an existing body and with the wisdom and experience behind me, I am gifted with the thrill and excitement of writing my future.

So that's what I learned from Carrie Bradshaw from Sex in the City. Be fearless. Be fabulous and true to myself. Own my truth. Live my life. Love my loves, write the journey down and back that sucker up every which way I know how!

Maybe what you can learn from my experience and the SITC girls revolves around the idea of a new hard drive in an existing body. Sometime life through divorce, death, boredom, and/or personal growth forces you to wipe your slate clean. And all you can do is insert a new attitude into your life as it exists and proceed forward--fearless and confident (with your signature cocktail in hand, of course!).

What do you think?

Oh God, It's Bathing Suit Time Again

I'm depressed today. It happens every year around this time. I start making vacation plans, which always include water because I love the ocean and I love the feel of the sun on my skin. I start getting my little fun in the sun wardrobe together down and then it comes time to purchase the suit and that's when I get depressed.

Okay, I know. I'm supposed to be the motivational guru for being sexy in your own skin, but damn, I am only human. Sure, most of the year, I feel great and blessed to be me. I mean, I'm not perfect, my boobs may no longer be in the right place but my heart sure is. In a couple of weeks I'll be 49 and I do feel sexy and confident and zesty...most of the time. But not now because...

...it's bathing suit time again.

I thought I had licked this problem last year when I took a cruise by myself to work on my book. I was not there to play but to work and I promised myself that if I met my goal, I would take the day off at the end of the week and treat myself to a little sun and beach and jewelry buying in St. Maarten. So, each morning I would throw on my one piece and go out onto my balcony with my laptop and write, soaking up a few rays in private. And each afternoon I'd throw on my very cute cover up and kitten heels and go up on deck to get lunch and wade through a sea of bodies, many clad in itty bitty bikini's that well, I felt shouldn't be. I'd shake my head, giggle to myself and keep on struttin' smugly thinking that I was looking pretty cute after all.

Then about the fourth day of feeling hot and sweaty covering myself up on deck because my body wasn't 'perfect,' it dawned on me that these women were the one's that really had it going on. They were the ones having fun, enjoying the sun on their bare skin, not giving a damn who was looking or being judgemental (uh, that would be me). They were happy being who they were, where they were, looking the way they did. And I decided right then and there that the next day in St. Maarten, I was going to buy a bikini and liberate my tired, way too flabby ego.

And I did. I got off that ship and marched into town and bought the first bikini that fit (believe me, it wasn't the first or second or the sixteenth I tried on). I wanted it black, I mean even if it was only one quarter of a yard of material,black makes you look skinny, right? Well, the only one that fit happened to be bright red. Cherry-ain't-no-way-in-hell-you-ain't-going-to-be-noticed-now red. That's okay, I had a new attitude and I wore that bad boy out the store (under my sundress) and strut my cherry red behind right down to the beach. I disrobed and felt that lovely sun kissing my near naked body and ceased to give a damn about what anyone, especially me, thought about what I did or didn't look like. And you know what, I didn't care about what the other bodies around me looked like either (except for that one hunky, ripped Antonio Banderas looking guy a couple towels down).

I carried that liberated feeling and those sexy bikini tan lines with me for the rest of the summer and into the fall and winter. But here I am again back to the idiot idea of chasing a body image instead of being satisfied with my self-image. Why are we women so hard headed and so hard on ourselves? We will love everyone else around us with all their glorious flaws--everyone except ourselves.

Damn. I learned the lesson but have yet to mastered it. Maybe next summer.

Ah hell, let me put this chocolate down and go pull out that sucker right now. No time like the present to remind myself that sexy starts in your head, where it ends is what makes your body smile!

What do you think?

Ciao Bella!

I was a guest on a great show this weekend. Cocoa Mode on XM radio with Shawna Renee. If you haven't checked it out, please do. It's live and you'll laugh and learn a lot about a lot.

Shawna had me on as part of a show on traveling and asked me to discuss getting your flirt on in a foreign land. Sounds like hella fun to me! I love to travel and have filled my head with wonderful memories of the places and people from Malta,Morocco, Italy, France, Spain, Greece, Belize, Germany, Canada, the Caribbean, Mexico and Turkey just to name a few glorious spots in this world I've visited.

Let me begin by saying that every Weapon of Mass Seduction should have a passport, kept in a safe place, ready to pick up and dash off as the crosswinds of the world call to you. Seriously, you can't travel anywhere outside of the U.S. without one and what WMS wants her wings clipped over documentation? The world is too fabulous for you not to explore it, and you are far too fabulous not to share yourself with the world.

And can I tell you, once you begin to explore the world, not only will you have a better understanding and appreciation of the other folks who inhabit this planet, you will better understand that men are men are men, no matter what color their skin, no matter the sound of their language, no matter the food on their dinner table. And nearly every man (okay maybe not the Taliban) enjoys a woman who is confident, curious and makes them feel good about being themselves.

So if you're going to take your flirt game overseas (and I highly suggest at some point you do), know the social and religious customs of the country you're visiting. Some countries have very strict expectations of how foreign (female) visitors should dress and you should respect their religious beliefs and culture. But don't for a minute think you won't be noticed. In Istanbul, where women are expected to cover their legs and arms (no shorts or tank tops), fully clothed and not a high heel in sight, I was offered 40 camels as a marriage proposal! It's kind of scary when all I did was smile and say hello, but flattering all the same.

So how do you get your flirt on in a country where you may not speak the language? The same way you do here in the good old U.S.A. By knowing how to S.E.L.L. yourself.

Smile. It's your best flirting tool foreign or domestic. A smile translates in any language and let's the recipient know that you are open and friendly and approachable.

Eye contact/talk. Learn to look people you're interested in in the eyes and once contact is made, engage in a little eye talk to say all those things you don't know the words for and even if you did you'd feel too embarrassed to say. Let your eyes do the walking and talking and your face will translate. And while he won't know exactly what you're thinking, your intrigue levels will go up substantially and soon he'll be living to spend time in your gaze.

Listen. As with their English speaking counterparts, men from anywhere in the world are intrigued and attracted to women who listen and ask questions. In every country I have visited, nearly everybody knows some English and those who do are dying to practice with a pretty little tutor like yourself. And what better excuse to listen than to ask for a quick Italian/Spanish/Greek lesson of your own! And before you even touch down, know how a few basic, friendly words in the language of the country you are visiting. Find out how to say 'hello', 'goodnight', 'thank you' and 'you are welcome'. You'd be surprised how far those few words will get you.

Laugh. Again, laughter is part of the universal language of love and friendship. And like a genuine smile, authentic laughter melts away the 'ugly American' persona and makes you appear friendly, energetic and happy, and who wouldn't want to surround themselves with an interesting, mysterious foreigner like yourself?

Always remember, at home or overseas, flirting is a benevolent act. Stop trying to use it as a way to gain something from someone and start using it as a way to make the object of your desire feel good about himself. By doing so you will erase the fear of rejection that keeps you from being your charming self and see your success quotient--and your confidence--quickly rise.

Have fun this summer. See the world. Be charming. Be sexy. Be you!

WMS Q & A

I've been getting a lot of great questions that I thought I'd share with you on the blog. This week's query:

Q. You say that a woman should take her best feature and embrace it. How does an aspiring WMS determine her best feature?

A. By taking the time to truly admire herself with loving eyes. Most us don't really look at ourselves and our bodies. We only study and critique them and that's why we don't learn to love and accept them as is. Spend some quality time with the lady in the looking glass. You'll be amazed by how fabulous she really is if you only take the time to truly see her.

Also you need to learn to really listen and internalize the compliments you receive. Most of us are too modest or insecure to even accept compliments, let alone see and use them for the useful and empowering nuggets of inspiration they are. How many times have you brushed off a kind comment or made some self-deprecating remark in response to a compliment? Stop downplaying the wonderfulness of you! Give yourself permission to bask in the warmth of your own sunshine and be open enough to allow others to do the same.

A true WMS knows how to graciously take a compliment and use them to fuel her confidence (not ego!). If enough people tell you your legs are great or you have amazing eyes you have a pretty good idea about what about you is most special. They'll also clue you in as too what colors look good on you or what styles really flatter your body. Listen and learn! And once you are clear about your best feature, own it with pride and work it confidence!


If you have a question you'd like answered email me at mass.seduction@yahoo.com

High Jinx on the High Seas

Join me for this fabulous time on the high seas where you'll learn to unleash the sensual you and still have plenty of time to network with some serious movers and shakers in the entertainment business, including mega successful publisher, Vicki Stringer, actress Sheryl Lee Ralph, radio personality, Egypt and others. Tandi Productions is donating a portion of the profits to breast cancer research, so come cruise with us knowing you're making a difference in the lives of others all the while you're having BIG fun. Book your cabin now and get ready for some high jinx on the high seas! For more information check out www.tandicruisegetaway.com